Feeling lost 😞

Hi everyone I recently became widowed a few months ago and I see this online whilst searching online …widowed!
My late husband and I were together 17 years but only with a Islamic marriage unfortunately because I had a child from a previous marriage so his family never accepted me but 6 years ago my late husband got married again behind my back but he never left me and every time I told him I wanted to end things because he wouldn’t leave her he would make me feel bad so I stayed waiting He wasn’t living with me but I would see him every day and he stayed over every week
I wasn’t even able to be at funeral or say my goodbyes to him or neither could kids as he was abroad my daughter from him found it so heartbreaking she’s only 10 the family don’t want anything to do with us
He always told me he loved me every day and
he would leave her but I’ve heard about her life with him too now and I feel so stupid was he lying to me or her
I miss him so much it’s just not fair that I have to suffer in silence because we were hidden from his family
Everyone in my circle have been so good to me and kids but I’m feeling so alone he was leading a double life I feel like I’ve been so stupid I don’t know if I’m crying that I won’t see him anymore or about all the unanswered questions from him

Hi sorry for your loss your crying because of both I would think so sorry you couldn’t say goodbye or attend his funeral I hope you have support xx

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@MJ786 unfortunately you may never have answers. I would imagine his other wife is in a similar predicament. If you have a garden could you maybe do a small area in memory of him for your children and you? If not maybe you could find a special place that you all loved to go to, and think of him sometimes. He told you he loved you, you had a child together. Please try and hold on to the special memories.