Feeling Lost

My Dad passed away 6 months ago and I just cannot come to terms with it. There are so many emotions running through me it is exhausting. For the majority of the time I feel very numb and empty and go about my day as normal, but I am often crying on the inside if that makes sense
Some days I don’t want to get out of bed and function and often don’t want to see my Mum because her silent grief is too much to bear, then I have overwhelming guilt for feeling that way.
My life is forever changed now my Dad is missing from it and I wonder if I will ever feel true happiness ever again.

Hello Bev7
I’m sorry for your loss and wish we weren’t in the position of writing about our Dads. I lost my dear Dad unexpectedly and suddenly 3 months ago.

I feel that life will never be worth living again and feel there is a double whammy of losing my Dad and seeing my Mum get destroyed a little bit moee each day she has to face without him.

I am on my knees with grief but my Mum has noone else so I am having to look after her in the same way as I do my kids - all her meals etc. If I didn’t I knos she wouldn’t eat.

I am having counselling and have been prescribed diazepam but nothing is working and although I hate every minute of thd day, for me the mornings are worse.

I wouldn’t feel any guilt about wanting to not see your Mum’s grief. It hurts so much. A counsellor said to me in a plane crash, you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping anyone else. I can see the truth in this. You have to get yourself strong first to be able to help others .

I think I’m going to struggle to ever come to termscwith this because my day to day circumstances mean I just dont get the chance to work on myself. My husband works 7 days a week, I have the children and my mum to get through and then myself and dealing with my grief seems to come last. I have numerous break downs every day - I really feel I can’t live without Dad.

We’d stayed apart since March 20 to protect my parents, other than seeing him through the patio door that was it. A whole wasted year, I never thought we’d,never get to reunite and have the hugs my kids were promised. I cry, cry and cry. Can’t bear to watch tv or listen to music anymore. I feel like a lost cause.

Why does this have to happen? I’ve lost the faith I had and feel completely desolate. Waking up in the way I do every morning just makes me feel I can’t go on like this, I’ve just had it.

Do you work,? I haven’t worked since it happened and am now feeling a pressure to return but as I cry all day, the thought scares me. Everything scares me.

I’ve never had the numbness but what really harms me is the what ifs, if onlys and could haves.

Have you had any counselling? If so, does it work for you? I don’t think it’s working for me.

The only think that could work is us having our Dads back.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation too. People say to take it a day at a time but it gets worse for me. Do you feel better or worse now than you did before?

I hope you find a way to feel better some day, I hope we all do.

Sending hugs

x

Thank you so much for your reply . I guess all we can do is give ourselves time xx

Hi Gee
It will get better
3 months after my Mom died I could barely get out of bed my husband had to do his best to make me
i felt so ill i thought i would die to
the only thing im afraid is time
it does help to talk to others

Hi Tess
Thank you for your message of encouragement. How long is it for you now?
I’ve just dropped my youngest off at school, cried all the way back and am still crying now.
My Dad was an amazing man, he deserved so much more from me and life in general and the pain is worse than anything I could have imagined.
I am absolutely dreading Father’s,Day. Last year I would never have thought it would be the last. I could cry forever now I think.

Its been 14 months since i lost my Mom and i was exactly the same as you
i didnt want to leave the house or talk to anyone
i felt guilty about everything with my mom and blamed myself for so many things like any cross words wed ever had and not spending more time with her when i could
but we have our own lives and it does get better even though you dont believe it at the moment
crying is good it relieves the pain
i still have a heavy heart but its better than it was x

Hi Bev,
So sorry for your loss. It’s been 15 years since I lost my dad, like you at the time I was completely numb. We had to make that awful decision to turn off his machines ( the worst thing I have ever had to do) at the time it felt so right to stop his suffering, later I hated myself as I felt it was my fault he was gone. I just withdrew cried all the time, eventually my other half persuaded me to get bereavement counselling, best thing I did she helped me to remember the dad I loved so dearly and forget the one in hospital, to talk about all the daft things we did together. After a while the joy of life returns, you start to look forward to things. I will be eternally grateful for the help I received.
As for your mum try to encourage her to talk about your dad, maybe she’s being quiet as she doesn’t want to upset you more. Maybe do something special together for father’s day, Mark the day just differently.
I also lost my mum nearly 6 years ago and I felt just as guilty, put myself through the ringer just as much as when I lost dad. I think it’s something you have to do, all part of the grieving process.
I hope my story helps you in some way, I know everyone tells you and at the moment it’s not something you believe but time really does help, that’s the one thing you need to give yourself and you’re mum as no one’s grief will be the same as yours.
With much love and a huge hug :heart::hugs: lesley.

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