I’m 3 months in to my bereavement but feel so raw. Tonight I went for a drink with a few girl friends and it was good. But at the end of the night I had to walk home alone. This is a new experience for me. Hubbie would always have been there for me, and now he is not!
I feel bereft all over again. I’m in my mid 50’s but life feels so over for me. I feel so alone and hopeless. Actually thought about ringing the Samaritans but didn’t. They need to be available for the young folk. Not oldies like me. Just don’t see much point in anything anymore.
@adelou hi I am so very sorry for the loss of your husbend and for the heartbreak you are going through it’s still early days and very raw and I totally get what you are saying I’m 6months in and in my mid 50s and I feel like there is no point to anything anymore since losing my soulmate pauline but we have 3 pets and she would want me to carry on so I do so for her and our pets take one day at a time and keep talking on here you will find support this is a caring community where everyone understands our pain sending hugs take care
Dear Adelou,
I’m really sorry that you have to go through such a dark time, it would be very exhausting and lonely. I lost my father, not my husband, but I am the mental support of my mother (blind leading the blind), and I know that she is very lonely, hopeless and pointless. She told me that she is half person, the unit (with my father) is nowhere. I am worried about her, how to cope (with me, who is fallen apart as well). I can’t write you any meaningful sentences, just I would like to say, I feel with you. Hugs.
I’m also at three months and like you a young widow and I think it’s so difficult as I’m also starting to venture out but it comes with so many pitfalls, a friend casually asked me to a Boxing Day party and I was stunned to think that anyone would think I would be doing anything at Xmas, let alone partying!! and I just stand and stare blankly, knowing that I’m dying inside and what do they expect me to say, luckily my sister has rescued me many a time, I’ve decided to pull back and stay at home where I can just be myself and also be more selective to who I see, to protect myself, it’s such a sad time for us all xx
Hi @MAB, I too am not looking forward to Christmas. Even the thought of writing out Christmas cards seems too difficult. My wider family all live far away. I can’t face travelling so will spend Christmas day with my girls. They know that for me it will be a difficult day, as it will be for them too. I think it’s just one of those “firsts” that we all have to go through, when we lose a loved one.
@Casey1, Thanks for you reply. We also have 2 dogs, one was just 5 months old when my Richard died. They do keep me going as I have to look after them and walking is good for me. I was shocked that many people thought I’d give the dogs away once I was by myself. I know they can be a bit of a handful but they are part of our lives. Its nice to know there are people out there on this site that are listening. Really helps me feel not so alone. X
Yes I normally love Xmas and both our birthdays are in December so I know it’s going to be lots of heartbreak, I actually can’t bear to think of it, Xmas songs are so soulful and it really is a time that if you feel lonely it amplifies being on your own, I am still going to buy our present that we chose together a MacNeil called sea breeze it’s very calming and dreamy and will go in my bedroom so I can look at it when I wake up, I’m lucky as my family are all looking out for me so even if I’m miserably sat in the corner they will still include me, my son bought me a puppy after my husband died which has been a double edge sword I’m glad for the company but stressful is not the word he’s a lurcher /saluki so keeps me on my toes and at four months is huge, we’re allowed out in a few weeks as he was late having his injections, he weighs twelve kilos and I have to carry him to the vet, as you can imagine lots of tears when it gets too much, I’m so looking forward to long walks and getting out, it’s sad that my husband never met him, he loved dogs and we loved walking together, another thing to get used to, walking alone but hopefully may meet other dog owners, lots hugs to everyone xx
Im so sorry for your loss I feel your pain I also lost my husband 13 weeks a go and Im so lost without him I miss him so much I don’t have any family and Im so lonely i cant see me ever feeling any better I thought i was a strong women but this as knocked me for six I feel the walls of the house closing in so i just have to get out and walk,its claustrophobic Im not sleeping, I roam around the house all hours of the night This isn’t living its just going through the motions of getting through the day There are no group in my area I just cant get my head around this constant feeling of loss I cry and sob, just sob uncontrollably i just don’t know how I’m going to cope with for the rest of my life I have no answers for the way Im feeling I also have thought about ringing the Samaritans but feel the same as you that i would be taking up their time that maybe is better spent talking to the more needy Grief is the most painful thing I have ever had to deal with Im so lost as to what to do
That’s what I keep asking what am I supposed to do because whichever way you look there’s no direction, it’s the most dreadful thing to happen and like you I feel the stuffing has been knocked out of me, it’s good to keep crying to let it all out and the physical pain is exhausting, we’re all in this together so you’re not alone and never think your need to talk to the Samaritans is less than anyone else anything that helps you it’s important to be kind to yourself because we’re all so vulnerable sending love and hugs xx
Thank you MAB ive never felt or gone through pain like this I do need to talk to someone I wish there was a group in my area the loneliness is terrible how people put managed to live like this through the lock down ill never know but there are no groups either because of the pandemic or I think most things are done online now I feel i should be stronger but as time goes on the i feel worse, i wonder if this is part of the accepting that my Cliff is never coming back and thought of going through life without him now and feeling like this This certainly isn’t the way i want to live, its a mere existing just getting through the day to feel exactly the same the following day I don’t think human being are ment to live in isolation like this im so broken big hugs and thank you
Hi I think you’re right when it first happens it’s such devastation you don’t have time to think but now there’s all the time in the world and you can think to much, it’s bittersweet because remembering times together and sharing memories just accentuates the loss and desperation to have him back, I still find it unbelievable that I’ll never see him again, the acceptance bit seems to be harder I find that even if I am with others I’m still alone in my head and people can be talking but I’m not really listening I’m away somewhere else, so quite like my own company now but it’s so difficult finding any meaning to it all, my life as I knew it has been ripped away in an instance and I didn’t see it coming or ever actually considered that this is where I would be all within four months or that anyone could even live like this with such pain and so many of us too, so desperately sad but thinking of you and sending love to everyone xx
Thank you MAB this morning the wall of the house were closing in On me, this happens a lot and when it happens I just have to get out. I went for a long walk but i find it helps me a lot even if it rains I just walk Im going to try and get some sort of councilling I had a session over the phone a week after I lost him but I think it was just to soon. I didn’t ask for another appointment, I thought id be ok My doctor contacted me after my husband died and set it up but I think i need someone to talk to so ill contact them again tomorrow. There are so many people who are suffering with us but when we are suffering we never consider the amount of others going through the same pain i feel for each and everyone one if them
Thanks for replying it helps knowing their are others and we are not alone in this and we are all facing the same mile stones Big hug for each and everyone of us
I drove to the woodland burial ground to choose where to lay my husband to rest and broke down, thinking how ludicrous that I’m doing this I keep thinking it’s all happening in a different life, I found an area where the sun was streaming through the trees and I felt so weary, it was lovely getting out of the house too many memories too much crying too much pain but I sat on a bench and watched the sun go down against the purbeck hills sobbing and thought what the hell do I do next, I just don’t know so eventually I got up and came home and I may do the same tomorrow who knows hugs to everyone xx
Just thinking of you on lonely Sundays and wondered how you got in with the counselling I spoke to a chat counsellor who says the first steps are always the hardest so am thinking to build up the courage myself, I think to go would be admitting to myself it’s all true and my heart would be ripped out but I know I probably need it lots hugs xx
Ive got on appointment on the 11th for councilling I got it through my doctor surgery . Cruse couldn’t give me an appointment for 12weeks I absolutely hate Sundays Im not coping well Its the loneliness I don’t have any family and a few friends Sundays is alway family day so i see or talk to no one The weather as been so bad i cant even get out for a walk I wake every day and just think is this it, And I cry;, and cry and to be honest I don’t know how i get through the day If this is it I don’t feel i want to go on Then i just think He would want me to try and make the best of things with out him but the question s how There are no bereavement group to attend which is what is needed Hours,Hours I spend on my own I think the loneliness is the worst
I think the loneliness is inside of us even if I am with people I still feel lonely and alone more so at least at home I can be myself and cry openly, I keep thinking I don’t fit in the world anymore as I was and don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow let alone the rest of my life it’s exhausting just thinking about it all so I tend to just sit quietly and do nothing which weirdly seems the right thing to do, weekends and holidays do seem the worse, it’s good that you got the counselling hugs xx
I am lonely as well, even if there are people around me. Yes, grieving is very, very lonely. I would go to a bereavement group in December, where can share our stories and can make fellows. I think we would like to be understood. It isn’t easy to be alone with our pain. I am sending you hugs.
Mabs Apu thanks for your reply I beat myself for crying but I have no control over my emotions I break down when I’m with people and I’m alway apologising because i think people just don’t want to be bother with my problems Is it good to keep crying some people say its good to let it out others say it will just make me ill But i am ill im lonely, Im not sleeping, and I’m all over the place There is just no advice on how to cope with just getting through the day I miss him so much I wonder if you can actually die of a broken heart I get these palpitation as well they awful big hugs for you both x
It’s ok to cry, how else can you release your pain, we’ve lost our life partners and soulmates how else should we be, I have bad days and really bad days and like you have started getting palpitations, I remember reading about widows being more at risk of health problems as if we don’t have enough else to deal with and my son who used to work at pets at home told me that rabbits die of broken heart syndrome when they lose their mate which made me cry and I was shocked that he knew of it and realised how worried my family were for me, it’s good to be able to talk to each other, we need to take care and be kind to ourselves and it’s not about what others think, how can they know ? We have to trust ourselves to know what we need and seek comfort wherever we can find it hugs xx