I lost my mum just over 3 years ago to lung cancer which spread to her brain.
I know this sounds random but I was watching an episode of coronation street, where one of the characters was told she had a brain tumour.
It took me straight back to that awful day, when the Drs dropped that bombshell on us, ‘We’re sorry to tell you that there are 5 lesions on your brain, I’m afraid we can’t operate and all we can do is make it as comfortable as possible for you’.
Boom, the day my life changed forever.
Since then, I’ve been living, breathing, going to work, eating, drinking etc but I feel like it’s someone else’s life, like it’s all a big foggy blur and I don’t know who I am anymore?
I was so strong when mum was ill and after she died, for my dad and brothers. Everyone else has moved on with their life, and my mum seems to hardly ever be mentioned anymore. I think I’m the one falling apart now, after all this time? Maybe I should have let it all out back then, and it wouldn’t be coming back to bite me now?
I don’t think bottling it up to stay strong for everyone works at all, it just causes more problems further down the line.
One way or another, I’ve not been physically well for the past year or so and I’m sure it’s alot to do with your mental state.
I miss her so much it hurts.
It’s hard finding anyone to talk to, everyone’s got their own issues and you don’t want to burden people with your own problems (especially when they seem to be happier) but I’m feeling very lonely lately.
My heart goes out to anyone who has lost someone they love, it’s the worst imaginable pain.
Stay strong xx