Feeling lost

My mum passed away on 28th September. I was at her bedside as we knew it was happening. I know shes at peace and no longer suffering but im plagued with visions of her laying there no longer here. So many things make me cry, knowing that i will never be anle to hear her voice, or recieve a text from her.

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I feel your pain. I too was at my mums side and held her as she passed away in September. It was awful, but I kept talking to her the whole time, hoping she could hear my voice and the things I was saying. I really hope she heard and can still hear me talking to her now. I try to not think about the image of her then but think instead of what she usually looked like, full of joy and smiling. Have you got photos or videos you could look at instead whenever you feel your mind going back to those difficult images x

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Thank you. I do that but still find i’m crying at anything. The images are worse when trying to get to sleep.
I suppose it will heal with time.

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I understand. I still don’t sleep well. I try and do things to keep me busy and read right up to until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer so I don’t lay there thinking and seeing unwanted things x

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I was with my mum when she passed in October, I struggle to sleep with the thoughts and fears of first holidays coming up and not being able to see her grin when she winds me up playfully. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me xx :heart:

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Thank you. Trying to do that and will keep doing so.

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That’s what im dreading. Mum love Christmas but we could not put tree up until my sisters birthday had passed. Then it was full steam ahead

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Hello,
So sorry for your loss.
I lost my mum last Saturday and I am still numb with pain.
She was in hospital for 4 weeks prior to her passing and I visited her everyday. When I was told she was near the end I sat with her and watched her fade away. I feel your pain and I am here if you would like to chat.

So sorry for your loss. Like you my mum had been in hospital but since August. I watched her go from chatting and making plans to fading away before our eyes. She left us at end of September but still feels like yesterday.
The most annoying thing is people saying “oh you should be back at work now !”
I will go back when i feel ready x

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Hi Baa, my mum passed in September too, and although I am back at work, it’s so hard and they seem to just expect me to be back to normal! I’m like, my entire world has changed, I am devestated and will never get over this huge loss, and you expect me to act as though nothing happened and be back at full speed? I was supposed to have a phased return back to the office too but my manager definitely put pressure on me to be back in the office fully. It’s so hard there as I have to maintain a brave face and it’s exhausting. I think I went back too early, I still have so much to process, so you definitely should take your time before going back. I would have stayed off longer tbh if I could afford it - I also had to go back for the money :disappointed: take care x

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@Woo4 my work were the same, I never got offered a phased return, they gave me 2 weeks compassionate and told me I had to come back on the 19th October, I asked if I could reduce my hours for a couple of weeks to get back on my feet to be told I wasn’t allowed because “they allowed me to take compassionate” I told them they didn’t allow anything I was taking it, now I feel overwhelmed at work but have no choice or no pay, now they keep telling me my work isn’t up to scratch for them. I keep saying I’m not ok mentally right now and to give me time but I’m being pressured to be better and back to normal like nothing happened, it’s ridiculous xx here if you need to talk

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Hi @Charlie-695 that’s so awful you are being pressured like that. They sound like really unfeeling people to act like 2 weeks compassionate leave is enough and you should be over it and working back to normal. I got my GP to sign me off for a few weeks, which helped with time to organise the funeral etc, but after that I had to go back so my pay didn’t keep dropping. It’s hard when you need help mentally but you also need finances to live so you have no option but to go back. Thanks for sharing, it’s awful but somehow it’s nice knowing you’re not alone with this x

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Ive been off 10 weeks now. I have had 2 messages off my boss in all that time !!
Some of my colleagues have messaged weekly and some ive not even heard from !
I know christmas is going to be really tough so im tempted to stay off until January.
(I can take 6 mths at full pay)

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Hi,
I was given 1 week unpaid leave after my mum passed away. First day back was yesterday which was hard… today I am WFH and I think it has been worse not having people around me.
Life wont be the same but I know my mum would want me to be happy.
Having the support off work is a huge factor when dealing with grief and the loss of a loved one. I found yesterday a lot of people didn’t know what to say… sometimes silence is better because I always find when people are nice it makes me upset…
Take your time, small steps and make sure you talk to the ones who care xxx

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@Baa staying off until the new year sounds like a great plan xx I would if I could to try and manage the first Christmas and head into a brand new year emotionally xx unfortunately my work only have days a year off other than weekends xx here if you need to chat

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