Feeling low and pushing people away

Hi everyone, my mum passed away a week ago to breast cancer but it ended up spreading to her liver and her spine. The reason why she passed was because her liver and kidneys gave up because of the years and years of chemo she had. She was okay 3 weeks ago, took poorly and then never came out of hospital and I’m trying to come to terms with it. I have felt so flat and low since it happened and I have so many people around me that want to support me but I’m just pushing them away because I want to be left alone with my own thoughts and I don’t know if that’s normal? I don’t want to speak to anyone I just want to be alone. I’m finding it really hard to deal with and was going to start writing notes in a journal of how I was feeling but I just don’t know. It’s only been a week and I don’t know how I’m meant to be feeling x

Hi Alexx, please accept my condolences and please don’t think your feelings are strange or wrong because it’s all normal. If you read some of the posts on here you will find many who feel or have felt like you have explained. Writing in a journal is very good, you don’t need to go back and read it, it’s just the writing, putting your feelings down on paper. I did it and it helped but I started to read it and then said “no” and I put it into the bust bin, it had done it’s work. Please take extra care of yourself and try to relax because now it’s you who needs that extra bit of tender loving care that you have given to your mum. S

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Thankyou very much for your message Suzie at least I know I’m not on my own when I think stuff like this. I probably will try it but I’m not sure when this feeling of pushing people away will go and I’ll learn to laugh again and find jokes funny and want to be around people

Hi. Alexx. Welcome. Susie is so right. Normal is what is an individual experience for all of us. Some want to be with people at this awful time, others want to be alone with their own thoughts.
Don’t feel bad about ‘pushing people away’. I found conversations so very difficult at first, and rather than make the effort. I did avoid talking to the kind folk around me. They mean well but most have no idea of this awful pain. There is no ‘normal’ in grief. Each one of us will cope in their own way. Never regard doing strange things or thinking strange thoughts as abnormal. They are not! Emotions can play havoc with our minds, and if we can accept that and go with it it helps. It’s far too early for you to begin any sort of recovery process. It will come, but take it one day at a time. A journal can help. As Susie says, just writing your feelings down can take a little of the pain away.
And be kind to yourself. You do need care and understanding folk to talk to, and that’s why it’s good you are here.
Take care and please come back whenever you feel the need to talk. Kind wishes. John.

In sorry to hear about your Mum Alexx. We all grieve differently and not wanting to see anyone is normal. The people who love you will know that when you are ready for a hug chat or anything they will still be there for you. However long it takes x