Feeling of guilt

I lost my husband December 2021, not quite 3 months yet but I am not coping well at all as the overwhelming emotion I seem to be carrying is guilt. He was under pallative care but had not been given a time limit when I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was advised to have half my lung removed immediately, at first I refused as I wanted to spend my time with him and didn’t care what happened to me but he insisted that I had the op. The following week I had the op but he had a turn for the worst whilst I was in hospital but I made it home to spend a few weeks with him before he passed but now I live with the guilt that if I had not had the op we would have had a few more months together and managed to complete the little trips we had planned. I am sure it was the worry he had for me that caused him to decline so quickly. I have been told that the doctors managed to get all the cancer and my prognosis is good. I should be pleased but I don’t as what was the point without him. I miss him so much and cannot help but blame myself.


Is it at all possible for you to see that he wanted you to have the operation for his peace of mind, his way of looking after you, I would have thought it would have been unbearable for him to be leaving you without and thinking what would become of you. You have been through so much in a few months, it’s massive. My boyfriend was found dead beginning of December, I still feel partly in shock and big waves come, but also my mind is churning all the time rewriting history endlessly, I think this is part of grief, if life had just carried on we would not be thinking of these things, but because of the finality we go over and over. I think it is part of it, I definitely can feel hugely guilty, thinking if I had done this or that. You had to cope with two huge things at the same time, it’s going to take time best wishes Caroline

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Hello, I just wanted to welcome you here and that I am so sorry that your husband died. Where we find ourselves is so difficult and bleak, I know. You join a community of people who are hurting too, and who are with you. It is my husband’s funeral today. He died 3 weeks ago in a hospice. I should never have agreed to the end of active treatment, so know guilt, too. Hold tight, know that you are not alone. Keep posting. We are with you.


Thank you for making a little sense out of madness as I think you are quite right in regards to ‘if I had done this or that’ things may be different I am sorry for the sudden loss of your boyfriend I am not surprised you are in shock. Its quite a blow to take. My thoughts and understanding are with you. Take care Tina x

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Thank you for your kind words. I hope all went well for your husbands funeral its such a sad time and makes you realise you were not asleep and all of the sadness and pain are actually real. Take good care of yourself. Tina x