Feeling pressure to move on already

Coping with bereavement
#1

Hi I’ve never done anything like this before. But my father passed less than two months ago, two days after my birthday. I’m an only child and I have spent the last four years driving back-and-forth between Florida where I live, to Arkansas where he loved to care for him. While I was in Pensacola I was running my massage therapy business for 22 years and trying to please everyone there. In Arkansas I was working and trying so hard at cleaning my dad’s house and taking care of everything for him.
I’m just having a real hard time having any desire to serve my customers and I’ve taken a leave of absence because I’m feeling pressured from them to get back to work, despite my grief and the COVID-19 virus.

My friends also think that I just need to get out of the house and go out and get it together. Pretty much none of them want to speak to me anymore because they’re used to me being the strong one and are not able to cope with me crying and feeling vulnerable. Thank you for listening

#2

Hi. Bettee420, Welcome. Never mind what others think you should do. They are not suffering, you are. You need to go at your own pace and your own time. ‘Go out and get it together’. OH YEAH??? So it’s that easy is it? Go tell those on this site how easy it is!!! They can have no possible idea of what you are going through or they would not say such things. They don’t know what they are talking about. They mean well, of course they do, but we all cope in our own way and time. No methods or rules apply.
So many shy away from bereaved people. They find it difficult to talk because they too feel useless, and what they say may sound unsympathetic. Ah yes, ‘the strong one’! We can always be strong when dealing with others, but when it gets personal and up front it’s not easy to be strong.
Take it one day at a time for the moment. Go back to work when you feel you are able, but at the same time try and look forward to the day that you will be able to. No thanks necessary. We are all here for you so come back whenever. Blessings. John.

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#3

I can’t tell you how much it feels to feel supported for the first time since the first week. It’s been so isolating and I just really appreciate you thank you

#4

Bettee420
It is all very well for others to say we should move on, have your friends lost anyone who they loved dearly? It really annoys me when I hear that useless advice, We do not move on because we are not capable of moving on when we are hurting so badly.
I am lucky that nobody has said it to me, I would soon tell them to get lost if anyone did. I am so sorry that your dad passed away, one day all shall be well.

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#5

Thank you for your reply, MaryL. And I am so very sorry for your loss. I’m glad to hear you have people in your life that have not said such cruel things to you. I’ve experienced it with my so-called friends and also the majority of my clients from my 22 year business. I have to say that I’m actually seeing the blessing in this in that I realize by being so strong and dependable for all of these years, I have taught people that I don’t need them.
And while in a lot of cases that is true, the new relationships that I’ll form from now on will be give-and-take. I’m blessed to be learning so much about myself and to have this opportunity to slow down and really reevaluate my life. I miss my father terribly and always well, but I’m starting to really look forward to my new journey.

Much love​:heart::rose:

#6

You are very welcome, Bettee420
You sound to be a lot more positive ( I really hope so).
You will be probably be familiar with the saying “who needs enemies with friends like this”? Friendship is give and take I do believe.
Take good care of yourself,
:heart:

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#7

Thank you so much. Things started turning around for me once I got on the site actually! I’m so grateful for all of you. I hate that this is why we’re meeting but it is such comfort. And I’m sending you all love.

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#8

Hello again Bettee420
One thing for sure, all the members here, do understand what you are going through. Nobody will say to you, “move on”. I am so pleased that joining this site has helped you. This is a group which no-one wants to join, we are friends here.
Love.
Mary. :rose:

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#9

I know what you mean. Friends think we should be over it by now

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#10

Hi Bettee420
I haven’t got anything really helpful to add to what the other lovely people have told you…
They have said it all.
I just wanted you to feel my support too and I wish you all the best in your new life. I am 5 weeks in and it’s hard but we have no sensible option but to carry on as best we can. Good luck x

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