Feeling robbed.

I am going to visit my beloved partner today before his funeral on Friday. He passed away nearly four weeks ago on the 22nd Oct. He went out on his bike, like he has done hundreds of times before. He didn’t come home. He had a heart attack. I did get to the scene but he had already passed. I was advised by the police not to see him as he had medical equipment still attached and it would be distressing to see. I was told I would be able to see him at the mortuary in a couple of days. However due to being at full capacity the mortuary were not facilitating visits so I couldn’t. Due to the sudden and unexpected death a post mortem was required, waiting for GP reports delayed this. It was over two weeks before he was with the funeral director. I was advised because of the time and the post mortem it would be better to remember him as he was. My logical side totally agrees. I saw my Gran when I was 17 and never wanted to see anyone else. Our friends were going to visit on Monday but were told it would be a closed coffin. I just feel so robbed. Robbed of our life together as he was snatched away, he has been robbed of watching our Granddaughter grow, she has been robbed of time spent having fun with her Grandad.
I feel robbed of saying goodbye to him, kissing him, holding his hand, telling him how much I love him. We had been together for 30 1/2 years but we didn’t get married. When I registered his death my qualification for doing so was ‘causing the cremation of the deceased’ or words to that effect. It sounds so horrible. Fortunately our daughter was with me so I asked her to register instead of me. So I was robbed of that too. It was such a shock to lose him so suddenly. It is starting to feel real and I can feel the looming shadow of grief. Right now I am just focusing on giving him the send off he deserves on Friday :broken_heart:

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Dear @NicJayne

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your partner. It is understandable that you feel robbed of saying goodbye to your partner as he died suddenly and unexpectedly.

I do hope that Friday goes as well as it can for you, and I am sure that your partner will have the send-off he deserves. Please continue to reach out here any time, you are not alone, and we are all here for you.

We will all be thinking of you on Friday. Take care.

Pepsi

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I lost my husband also sudden;y to a massive heart attack 4 weeks ago now I’m 50 he was 54 full of life till then meant at 19 been married for 30 years this past sept 5th with 3 girls
I’m here for you I have no words but only understanding love and prayers

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Thank you Jenny. It really is hard to process isn’t it when they are taken so suddenly. I went to visit him today, expecting aa closed coffin but they covered his face so I was abke to hold his hand and place things in the coffin and talk to him. It did help but was so hard to walk out and leave his physical presence for the last time.

Much love to you and your girls. I am so glad for our children, they have been a tower of strength for me these last few weeks. Take care, here for you too xx

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@NicJayne
I often called my partner my husband, as he insisted we were common law, but we had plans to marry without a date set…we had time. I was with him when he died of a heart attack, so the certificate says “present at the death”. It doesn’t say anything about the loving relationship we shared, the sense of loss that is there however you describe yourself. And yes, we had to wait, and we were away, so the autopsy following the checking of records took additional time. I visited him twice, the second time I didn’t shake as much, but somehow the face didn’t quite match my man, the expressions being lost. If you want a lock of hair, ask. I didn’t care about the time I had waited to see him again, and months later I still hope to find him with me in person. Share happy memories with your granddaughter. Remember that part of her is part of him. Make a memory box where you can put pictures of things she does, or that you do together as well as fond memories of him in your lives. It may help you both. And celebrate his life on that day…remember the joys, the laughs, the ups and downs. My wonderful man was a coach driver, and our first Christmas we didn’t even get the tree up as he worked covering a National Express route on Christmas Day. Guess which track we played after I said my eulogy….
Sending hugs for use as you need them x

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Thank you Suzy. I did get my goodbye. I went to sit with him, they left the coffin open but covered his face. I got to hold his hand and talk to him, tell him I love him and just talk. He did have a lovely send off but it has hit hard since. I just can’t imagine my future without him. He would have been 60 next year so we are going to have a big celebration to celebrate his life.

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@NicJayne
That sounds fabulous. I saw Tom’s face, it simply lacked any expression and was greyer (which you have to expect). I am so glad you got that goodbye. If I hadn’t had it I know I would have struggled even more than I am now

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