Feeling sad

I my name is Jackie I was in a bad relationship for 20 years had twins boy and girl there now 37 with children of there own I plucked to leave him then years later I met Jimmy we was just friends at 1st and then we had a boy together he was an amazing partner and dad we were together for nearly 20 years he passed away in turkey with friends and our son who was 14 at the time June 2019 I didn’t go on holiday with them I was working and minding the dog I’ll never forget that day Friday 21st June 2019 1st phone call was to say he’d collapsed 2nd call to say he’d passed so me and his other daughter got the flight to turkey it was horrible we came home next day prepared his funeral Jimmy arrived back 4 weeks later I’m OK in work cause I’m busy but as soon I come home that’s when it hits me or when I’m on my own
then 2021 my Dad whose 88 years old committed suicide he drove his motility scooter into salfordquays he suffered with a few ailments but he looked young for his age they thought he was in his 60s but he also had a partner who was a control freak he couldn’t do anything and this day he decided to do what he did I struggle on a daily basis I’m on sertraline but it doesn’t seem to be helping I have always got to be doing something to keep my head active

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So sorry for the loss of your Dad and Jimmy. You have the loss of two special people to grieve for which is very painful. Losing your Dad to suicide hosts so many painful emotions the whys and ifs play with your mind. I work, go to the gym , walk my dog daily, meet friends for coffee etc, it’s taken me many months to find my coping strategies, it’s been a really tough battle to get out of bed and do all these things. I’m having better days now I still cry everyday, but for not as long, on bad days I shake and sit on the settee thinking why, the ifs and should offs, but now I tell myself I can’t think like this anymore, my lovely husband isn’t coming back, I’m learning to build a life around my grief, that’s what we all do, we have to, it’s very hard, but each day I feel I’m getting a touch stronger.
Take care and post anytime, people on here are so supportive and understand what you are going through.
Amy x

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Jackie12,
I am sorry for your losses. I understand the comment about coming home and it hitting you are alone. My loving wife died suddenly and unexpectedly in March 2021 and after being together 35 years I still hate all of the loneliness and being alone. I try to distract myself but all of my thoughts end up about my loving wife. Sadly there have been 5 deaths in close to me in 2021 and 2022 and I am in the middle of many legal issues and it is all so overwhelming to me but coming here and venting and writing does seem to help somewhat. Please continue because I have found that nobody will understand grief like those who have experienced it. We don’t judge and we will tell what we have gone through and hopefully it can help you and others. Take care, John

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