I lost my mum in March and although we knew she was unwell it just happened to soon and she had been doing well and it’s not how i had played it out in my mind i wasn’t ready for it,i feel like i am so alone, i have plenty of family around but feel so alone and can’t open up to anyone, i have alway’s dealt with any emotional hurt or anything by myself so feel like i need to do the same, i have became a master at putting a mask on and just getting on with thing’s but i’m really struggling right now, i know the advice i would give to other’s in my situation but just can’t bring myself to do it and say actually i’m not ok
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your mum, and that you are finding it hard to really open up to those around you. It’s really important to have outlets for your emotions, as bottling things up can make grief worse. I’m really glad that you’ve found this site, as many people seem to find it easier to write things down here than to talk to people they know.
You are among people who understand here. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may also find it helpful to read and maybe reply to some of the other recent posts in the Losing a Parent section of the site, to talk to others in similar situations: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent
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Hi Jan-net, please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your mum. Such a difficult time. I lost my mum at the end of May…we too knew that it was coming but like you, were not expecting it quite so suddenly…, we had tea and cake with mum on the Tuesday for dads birthday and she was gone by Saturday. I feel just like you… so completely alone and so used to putting things in a mental box , shutting it away, Don’t feel that I can, or even want to talk to my husband. Seeing my Dad so utterly bereft is awful…he seems to talk to my sister more as she lives next door and they seem to have grown closer which makes me feel “left out” which I know is ridiculous and sounds almost childish…I’m nearly 50!! Not really sure how to get through this…but I wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Grief is a weird thing…I’ve been assured that when I/we feel ready to talk and open up then we will…just feel so lost…
From one struggling lost person to another, please accept a virtual hug …x
I’m the same with my partner just don’t want to talk about it to him it’s just so hard i stupidly thought i would cope better and i thought i was but the more time goes on the harder i’m finding it, i just can’t see how i’m meant to deal with this i find it easier when the kid’s are around to occupy my mind and honestly don’t know how i would have managed this without them, big hug’s to you xx
Hi. Jan-net.
Becoming estranged from those close to us is so common in anxiety. We are alone inwardly even though outwardly we may have family and friends. Unloading feelings is what this site is about, because there will be no clichés, no criticism or platitudes that aren’t sincere. I think sudden loss must be a real trauma. If we have someone ill for a while, as I did, before they go it does give us time to prepare, although it’s still a shock when it happens.
We can’t hide behind a mask for ever. At some time grief will express itself in some way, so try and unload either on here or with someone you trust. It’s essential you do for even some little peace. I have said before, we put ourselves in a prison with an open door. Why don’t we come out? Pain! If we come out of our shell, our prison, who knows what might happen. It’s frightening even to envision it, so we stay inside.
But prison is prison even with an open door. Things close in around us and it’s almost claustrophobic at times when with people, and we want to leave as soon as possible. But as John Dunne said, ‘No man is an island’. We need each other as much as we need food and shelter. With that need goes love and understanding. So if you can bring yourself to talk about how you feel it’s very wise to do so.
Blessings and take care.
I lost my mam 2006, dad 2018 and my beloved auntie, also grandparents, for space in two years,I feel empty inside and very lonely.
The only thing that keeps me going is believe in life after death.
My dying grandma was seeing all family members who passed and she talked to them every day. She saw my mam who passed too, and I strongly believe they are together now reunited.
I see them in my dreams now. I do feel lonely, and I think of them all the time(
Hi Jan-et,
Im so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dearest beautiful rarest rose Mum on 25th May. I totally understand what you mean. Our Mum was ill for a long while… I would try and prepare myself as I knew that day would be upon us. But not this soon. Without warning. She was doing ok. Her Dementia had worsened, she would recognise me for a few moments then id be like an imposter. She got a chest infection we thought. Turned out it was pneumonia. She was admitted to hospital on the Monday and quickly deteriorated and passed early hours Saturday morning. I have a big family, but like yourself I feel alone. I have to be strong for my younger sister who cared for my mum 24/7.
I came home away to grieve on my own for a few days but its not helping . I do feel better around my family but I feel I can’t Express my feelings as I don’t want to upset my siblings. My sister is finding it really difficult to get by each day. I don’t want to burden them with my grief.
I walk around each day with a mask, acting strong, but every single night I cry myself to sleep. Our Mum was our world and I know that I should be happy she has moved on from this life, this pain, the suffering.
We all deal with pain our own way I suppose.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it is such a tough time when you lose some one, i completely understand the putting a mask on as this us how i have been dealing with it so far but when bedtime come’s so do the tear’s and i don’t quite know why i feel like i can’t talk to anyone, i xan’t talk to my partner even though he should be the one person i should be able to open up to,time is passing and usual family life has to go on but my head is just stuck and really can’t see how to get past this.
I feel the same as you as i know she is no longer suffering and some day’s this bring’s comfort but other’s it doesn’t.
I have so many thing’s i just want to talk to her about and it’s really hard,some day’s it just hit’s you again and you catch your breath and it feel’s like i’m right back there.
I hope you find some peace and find yourself opening up
Big hug’s
I am so sorry for all your losses that must be tough to go through, i do also believe that they are all somewhere enjoying a new life together it’s quite comforting to believe but also doesn’t help on my dark day’s as i feel like i could so easily be with my mum again and in my heart the only thing stopping me right now is my children x