Feeling so guilty

Even 16 months on from loosing my husband of 42 years I still cannot come to terms with my loss. I feel so guilty as I want to take my own life and be with him whilst he would give anything to be alive. I just want this pain to stop.

Hi Nina1964

I don’t think we ever come to terms with our loss, we just learn different coping mechanisms and 16 mths is still early days. 42 years is a long time to try and equate to where you are in terms of your loss and grieving.

I guess our pain is the measurement of our love and will never stop but hopefully it gets more bearable.

Your husband would want you to live your life and be happy. Easier said than done as I well know but we have to take baby steps in finding our way in this changed world.

Be kind to yourself and there is no timeline to how you feel

Hi Nina,

I’m so sorry that you’re in such pain at the moment. I can understand why you want to be with your husband & the guilt that you’re feeling about that.

My parents were married for over 40 years too. When my Mum died my Dad felt the same way as you do. He didn’t think he would make it & just wanted to be with my Mum.

We’re now over 4 years on. The pain doesn’t go away but I think you learn to accept it and live with it as it eases. It’s still so soon for you though.

Do you have any close friends or family that you can talk to about how you’re feeling? It’s so important to be able to talk about our feelings & emotions.

There are loads of lovely supportive people on the forum who are going through the same thing as you. They will understand what its like.

Please keep posting & take care. Trudy x

Hi Nina,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your husband, and that you feel as though you want to take your own life. There is no set timeline on grief, and 16 months is not a long time when you were together for 42 years.

I would really encourage you to give the Samaritans a call as soon as possible to talk about the thoughts of suicide that you’ve been having. They are always there 24/7 on 116 123, or jo@samaritans.org.

Please also make an appointment with your GP and let them know how you are feeling - they can refer you to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support, so please do reach out to these services. I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here and had some supportive replies. This community is a really understanding and supportive place to talk to people in similar situations.

If you ever feel you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Community Manager

So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 50 years 9 months ago. I too just wanted to die …I didn’t want to live without him. Still feel like it sometimes. I love my daughters & grandchildren but they have their own lives. ( lost our son 3 years ago too). altho I love them to bits…it’s my husband I want. It’s my husband I need. The pain never stops. Seems to me it is getting worse. I cry often every day still. I try to move on. He wouldn’t want this & he would have dearly liked to live. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere & really have to push myself. I just don’t know wat to do any more. I have friends but have just lost a dear friend in car accident & it’s just never ending. I feel for you … I just hope that one morning I will wake up & think life is actually worth living again. Hope it happens to u too & the pain eases. :heart:

Hi Nina,

I must have lost my hubby around the same time as you (December 27th 2016) and am going through the same feelings myself.

Sending lots of love xxx

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