I just cannot get used to being so alone. I knew my husband for 43 years I met him when I was 17. I went away for a few days at the place we used to holiday together. My brother lives there and I stayed with his lady friend. I was fine when I was there and I remembered the good memories we had. But when my brother and friend took me to the station they walked away holding hands an I felt so sad I will never do that with my husband. When I got home the loneliness really hit me, was crying for days. I hate my new life, I haven’t got a lot of family, my son is autistic so doesn’t understand about his dad’s death he lives in supported living and his carers bring him to visit me. I have noticed my few friends I have was at first visiting me regular now I do not see them so often. My old life was a good we used to holiday three times a year, go out for meals, walks in the country, have a games night with friends, go to the cinema and have laughs together now I do nothing but watch telly and go to the shops. I still cannot believe he has gone he passed away in April so I guess it is still early days I guess but I hate this new life.
Anne
Dear Anne
I am really sorry that you have lost your husband. Loneliness is really difficult to cope with but time does help us adapt to living alone…it is still early days for you
but if you read through the threads on here you will see that we each come up with different strategies to help us cope. Thinking of you. …take care x
Hi Like you I am very lonely I have no family at all My lovely an has been gone for nearly four years and I too hate my new life. We loved our holidays and I still go on my own sometimes to places we went together in a way it makes me feel close to him and I also take some of his ashes to scatter in places we have been to. It still hurt like hell and I still cry my heart out most days.There are no answers in our situation. I still talk to him. Since he died I have never dreamt about him and I do so wish that I could because I would see him even if only in a dream. Good luck to you and try to be kind to yourself and try to smile at your happy memories. xx
Hi Bethany
Thanks for your reply. I have dreamt about Peter but in both dreams he is ignoring me. He said before he died he would contact me if he could we both believed in an afterlife. But I feel abandened by him. He of course didn’t want to die. He tried all alternative therapies and diets to cure his cancer. He kept looking on the Internet for cures because the doctors only gave him months to live. But nothing worked he spent a fortune to stay with me to no avail. I miss him so much., still cannot believe he gone.
Take care!
Anne
I lost my gorgeous Roy only 1 month ago and am confused as to why I haven’t dreamt about him either. When we were lying next to each other I would dream about him! So now nothing, I want to see him so badly. I miss him terribly.
Hi Anne
Feel just like you.
I hate this lonely life too.
I have friends which are very kind but weekends, evenings and some afternoons I sit and watch TV which I never use to do. I just feel that life is so different and lonely.I cant get use to this loner life. I wish I had a big house where I could take lodgers or someone in to have company. I just need company badly.
Please feel free to message anytime as you obviously feel just like me.Here for you.
Take care Love Suexx
Kirstie, I didn’t dream of my husband for a long time after he passed and even now, 2 years on, I have only dreamed of him a couple of times. I couldn’t picture his face either. I would try to imagine him sitting in the chair reading (he was always reading) and I could see his body but when I looked for his face there was nothing there. I didn’t find this too distressing as it had happened to me when my mum had died. I can just about see his face now but it’s not always clear. I have photos of him all around, even in my car. I told a friend only yesterday how I look at them and trace the lines of his face with my finger - I just need to touch him. Sending love xx
Hi Kate
I can picture him clearly in my minds eye but like you I long to touch him.
I went out today on my own, which was scary, but I managed it. Was thinking of things he would like as I was shopping and it was so difficult. And then to think of al, the things he would never see, heartbreaking.
What a screwed up life we have still to live without them by our side.
Much love x
Hi Kirstie yes it is so strange isn’t it. I also find it hard that although before he died I had always believed in something beyond spirit wirld or God or something but now that faith has gone just when I need it. Some rather weird thing involving animals have happened since he passed but I somehow cannot let myself believe this it is him trying to say he is there. It will soon be anniversary of his death and I will be pushing off abroad somewhere as I would rather be away then. Sending thoughts to you and everyone else in this dreadful situation xx
Hey Bethany, I have had some strange things happen that makes me think about spirituality - I never really believed in an afterlife but I know Roy did. So now I have more of an open mind, funny how events can change your perspective.
He was an engineer & I have had so many electronics go wrong since he passed. I was making a video for the wake & my computer was going crazy whilst downloading pictures.
I was cursing him!!
David my husband and my entire life died 24th June last year. Not one single day has gone by without me sobbing. Sometimes I sob literally all day. My heart just cannot deal with the pain. We were married for 40 years and he became the centre of my life 48 years ago. It is like living in a nightmare but I know I am never going to wake up. I cannot accept that we can never touch each other again, kiss one another, love one another. I was his Lesley and he was my David. I keep thinking back to when I first met him. It seems like yesterday yet each long long lonely lonely day without him is agony. He has appeared in my dreams twice since he died. On one of those occasions he just smiled his beautiful smile at me. I know 100 percent that I will love him and long for him till I die. I would like to commit suicide but, although I cannot believe in a good God I cannot take a chance and take my life. David was the kindest, most beautiful person in the world, and when I think about him suffering, I can’t bear it. To lose my brother, my dad and my mum with cancer was difficult but to lose David kills me. I swear I wish it would. We couldn’t have children, so I am totally alone. We came back from living in Spain in February of last year and everyone has moved on. I have no family, and ‘friends’. To lose my faith is to them the most evil of all evils. Sixteen years to be in another country obviously was seen like betrayal. They were always in our hearts but obviously we weren’t in theirs. I wish every bereaved, lonely person out there lots of love.
Yes the continuously thinking back…I am doing this again now…I am on the computer and my mind is slipping back to a place we once walked whilst out berries and we had done a circle walk that seemed to be never ending, I kept looking for the end of the lane and wishing we would be getting nearer to where we had parked and left the car, I am sure this was Great Missenden Buckinghamshire, home to ( Roald Dahl’s museum - house ) I am talking to Richard whilst crying and asking him if he remembers that walk,as I whilst it is bringing back good and happy memories and whilst i am smiling amongst my tears…I wish we could put back time but I know this can never happen…
Jackie…
" Picking wild berries," I wish we had a spell checker and an add content button…
Although I am nearly 63, I met my beautiful husband David when I was 14. That is where my mind keeps going. It seems forever ago since he died although it was only last June. I was working in the ‘garden’ very recently. We only bought the bungalow last April as David died in the June. The ‘garden’ was full of stones which I collected together. Into my mind comes David skimming stones onto the sea. I was in pieces. I needed David to wash my back and into my mind came his beautiful back which I never took a photo of. Of course I was in pieces again. Then I found one of his disposable razors. Into my mind came a picture of David shaving and the expressions he made while shaving. I was in pieces again. One day in the inbetween states I just saw David smiling at me. A smile to say he loved me. He had the most beautiful smile in the world and it was precious. Just as he was. I send you very best wishes. Love Lesley
Kate, when I started to read this thread at 4.30am…yes another sleepless night…my first thought was I’d never mentioned ‘dreams’ to you, only photographs. Again, we are alike, took a long time to ‘see’ my lovely man, and in the 16 months since he passed it’s been a handful of times. I’m aware of him being in the background, but he never interacts and doesn’t speak to me. I am so grateful though that I can now get comfort from photographs and a few little video clips, particularly where he speaks, as I so wanted to hear his voice. At first and for many months, it was very painful. I feel the lack of seeing them in our dreams is part of the grieving process and something we just have to accept. ‘Heart emoji’