I lost my wonderful husband 3 months ago. I don’t really have anyone to talk to . I’m trying hard not to be a nuisance to people , I hate the thought of not realising I’m being one. I keep being told I’m doing well but that’s a front as inside I’m a mess.
If not for my dog I probably wouldn’t get out of bed.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. That’s exactly how I feel , the rest of the world has moved on and I’m stuck. I told people at the funeral I expected to feel like that, but when it happens it’s a million times worse than you expected.
I try to keep going forward as that’s just what my hubby told me to do, it’s really not easy. I hope things will get, if not easier , than more manageable.
The days that I get through without crying nonstop or feeling angry are few and far between at the moment. I try not to think about all the people who promised to visit or call and haven’t done so. That just hurts too much.
Hi I couldn’t agree more, some days are better than others, but it does get more manageable. The loneliness is the worse, I have just given up on “friends” who said they would keep in contact and never have. It seems to have happened to most people on here. Sometimes I feel I must have widow tattooed on my head. I think we have to almost reinvent ourselves , that’s the hard bit. Look after yourself.
After reading a few different posts on this subject I’m realising that I’m not alone in what I’m going through. It’s helping me just realising my experience is one that’s been shared by so many , it’s comforting to know as far as friends and promises go it’s not just me who’s experienced that.
I lost wife in march 53 years old she was the love of my life ,and i am struggling so much people says it gets easier but it does not .
At the moment I feel as if I am the only person on the planet so lonely its torture .
when it first happens people say they are there for you but the truth is there not really .
My heart goes out to you. I’ve felt exactly the same over the last weeks since I lost my husband . There are lots of people on the forum who’ve been where we are and are still going through the loss and grief themselves. I’m hopeful talking to others who understand will be a huge help.
So far I’m just focusing on taking it one day at a time.
I have loads of pictures of her all over the house i don,t know if thats a good thing or not ,but the thing what is keeping going is we have custody of our grand children and they are just about keeping my head above water , because as you know at our age you just dont loose your partner but also your best friend ,your lover ,your sole mate and so on ,one thing i have learned in life we are guilty of it we take everything for granted ,we went from been on holiday in December in Australia to cheryl catching covid and she was deed in march how quick your life can change .
Life can change in a heartbeat. We were almost at our 3 years clear on cancer, being told if we hit 3 years clear he would be ok. In December we were told it was back and by June he was gone. All those months being told he was doing good . I lost my husband who was also my best friend, my mother in law and my beloved dad in 18 short months. I’m still reeling from it all. I’m so pleased you have your grandchildren, they will keep you strong.
I don’t think we ever get over the loss but I’m praying I can ‘manage’ my life without them.
Each day feels like an effort to function solo. He’s not there to hear how my days been or to tell me about his. It’s the little things that trip me up , convince me that I can’t keep going without him, without my dad to offer a pep talk or just somebody being there who loves me despite my faults . There’s nobody to tell me why I can’t get the computer to do what I’m asking, why the car won’t start or just tell me I’m doing ok when I doubt myself.
I too have photos of my husband around, somedays it helps me some days not so much.
It’s all new, I wish it wasn’t but it is. I can’t change anything, I wish I could. I try to remember how lucky I was to be married to the kindest, funniest , most amazing man . We had a good life together, we laughed , loved and in the last few weeks cried together. I wouldn’t change that time together for anything and I hope , in time, I’ll learn to appreciate what we had and not focus solely on what I’ve lost.
You are so right, life can change so quickly I found my hubby on the floor 30 minutes after speaking to him about the Grand Prix which he was watching, spent time pumping his chest while the ambulance arrived, but he was already gone. I am 9 months on it has got easier, but it’s the loneliness that’s does you. I try not to focus too far in front and that has worked for me. I don’t have lots of pictures round the house, but I did get a few teddy bears made for myself and the kids out of hubby’s clothes. He has pride of place.
You are not alone, I have no advise but I feel exactly the same. I’m so sorry for you… And for me… and for everyone else in our situation. It totally sucks and makes you wonder why you are even still here.
it’s not a positive response I’m afraid but I feel if you are at the point when you need a forum like this then you need to hear from people who feel the same as you.
I’m at the "what’s the point " stage.
Life is rubbish without him, I hate it, and can’t see I’ll ever find a way through it but logic tells me I will. I don’t even know that I want to if I’m honest. I’m sad so much of the time but hide it so well.
I’m hoping to find some solace and recognition in this forum. We’re in this together x
Hi ya Harley, I’m Peter. I’m 61 and I lost my wife two years ago in November. People say things get easier in time, they don’t. I long for love again. I miss her now as much as the day she left me . I have no one else other than my ninety year old parents and the cats we both had. If it wasn’t for my promises to them all, I want to go now. I hate my life and I hate this loneliness that eats at my very soul. If you need to talk, I’d welcome it. Thank you. Petet
Sorry I’ve not replied, a few bad days to get through. I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you. So sudden, I can’t imagine what that was like for you.
I think the teddies sound like a fantastic idea.
Absolutely the loneliness is the worst, especially the early hours when sleep would be so welcome. So many thoughts, fears and worries going round and round and nobody to share that with.
I get lots of well meaning suggestions to join a group, get myself out and talking to people. But I’m not ready for that, I’m not sure when or if I will be.
I have really nice neighbours, I’m so grateful for that especially as we only moved here a few weeks before the first lockdown . They’ve actually listened to how I feel , and the fact that I don’t want to talk about my grief all the time. So they pop over when they can , we have a cup of tea and just a normal conversation. But on the bad days they encourage me to ‘ let it all out ‘ without their support I’d be feeling so much worse (if that’s possible).
I’m mindful that I don’t want to be a burden to them, if I don’t see them for a few days I gloss over their apologies and just let them know I appreciate the time they do have for me. I’m undecided about the suggestions to ask for counselling, I think I get more from these times with my neighbours then sitting down to an appointment to talk.
Sending you a big hug x
Hi - hope you are felling better. I have some good neighbours too, especially next door who is a widower, he is great to talk things out with. You have to do what’s best for you. Unfortunately there is no rule book for this. Speak soon x
I can honestly say I know how you feel. I lost my hubby 12 weeks ago and this is exactly me, I often think why do I carry in, what’s the point. Life is so lonely, I cry so much but it makes no difference. If I ever get over this it will take forever.
Hugs to everyone
oh Harley, do you like hugs? here , have a hug, I can so relate to you… I am so like you, hate being told I am doing well, when I know that I am not… but there.
and yes, my cat keeps me going… otherwise, not sure what I would do…
good that you found this place, and the mantra is
“you are not alone…” well why do we feel so alone… a virtual hug sometimes helps., and coming here also.
Hi Harley, you sound so much like me at the moment my cat gets me up every day and working from home helps too. I lost my partner Dave suddenly after 30 years 6 months ago and all people say they can’t believe how well I am coping, but they don’t see behind the mask I wear for the world to see. I still cry at some point every day, today I have struggled I have just wanted to sit on the sofa in my dressing gown doing nothing just watching trash tv. Life is difficult but we have to put on our mask and pretend again tomorrow. I will say that it really helps to be able to chat here with people who understand. Sending a big thank you to everyone and a hug for all that like me are really missing that
i know now you feel i lost my wife 7 months ago every one keeps telling me what to do hut they dont know how i feej
Hi Harley. I lost my husband 9 weeks and 1 day ago. I can empathise with what you are saying. People say I’m doing really well and how strong I am … but inside my heart is broken. I don’t want j be a nuisance either as people have their own lives. But a colleague said to me that Plan A was to spend the rest of my life with my husband, but now he’s gone, I have to move to Plan B. I just don’t know what Plan B is yet so I just need to take it step by step and let things evolve naturally. We are all grieving but we have to carry on and somehow find the strength to live a different life. We will always love our lost one and they will never be forgotten, we just have to be kind to ourselves and take each day, sometimes each minute as it comes. Take care.
Hi, I also lost my husband 3 months ago, I don’t have any friends or family near by, I was alone the day he died and have been alone most of the time since. People say call if you need anything, but you don’t like to bother people and just want someone to say I am coming to see you or come and stay for a few days. It was my husbands birthday on Thursday and some friends came for a few hours which was nice, but then I just feel even more alone and devastated when they leave. I don’t have grandchildren or any pets so I am completely alone, I keep trying to carry on, but I am just so lonely, I just want to die so I can be with him, I can’t see any point in carrying on. He was my whole life and we just spent 24/7 together, I never realised how bad the pain would feel, it is like someone constantly ripping your heart out, how can anyone survive this?
Sending you a big hug the times I have sat here and thought the same what is my future what do I have to live for? I don’t have any answers all I know is that nobody or anything can replace my partner who was and is my world so until he takes me into his arms again I have to exist. I hope you find some peace a broken heart can’t be mended there is support here for you and all who have lost part of them. Take care of yourself x