Feeling so lost

Hi everyone
I lost my wonderful husband 3 months ago. I don’t really have anyone to talk to . I’m trying hard not to be a nuisance to people , I hate the thought of not realising I’m being one. I keep being told I’m doing well but that’s a front as inside I’m a mess.
If not for my dog I probably wouldn’t get out of bed.

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Hi Harley
Its hard especially when speaking with others who have not been through the loss of their other half. I was speaking today to another person whose husband passed several years now and we were saying this loss is like no other and its like the whole world is carrying on and time for us has stood still. Stuck in the now sad for the past and not wanting a future alone. What to do ?. Just take each day for what it is try to move with the sadness without stopping for to long.
It does get easier but we are forever changed flying solo. But we are stronger than we think. Hang tight

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Hi
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. That’s exactly how I feel , the rest of the world has moved on and I’m stuck. I told people at the funeral I expected to feel like that, but when it happens it’s a million times worse than you expected.
I try to keep going forward as that’s just what my hubby told me to do, it’s really not easy. I hope things will get, if not easier , than more manageable.

The days that I get through without crying nonstop or feeling angry are few and far between at the moment. I try not to think about all the people who promised to visit or call and haven’t done so. That just hurts too much.

Thank you

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Most people fall by the wayside, I think at the time they say it they mean it but then there life continues. The passing has not affected them as it has you and it cant. They were the closest person in your life to you this is why the pain and sorrow is so deep.
It does get easier but is never far away. The sadness triggered by anything and nothing. Its like treading water and trying to stay afloat. It often feels like a madness we have no control over. Always hopefull that tomorrow is better than today. :blush:

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Hi I couldn’t agree more, some days are better than others, but it does get more manageable. The loneliness is the worse, I have just given up on “friends” who said they would keep in contact and never have. It seems to have happened to most people on here. Sometimes I feel I must have widow tattooed on my head. I think we have to almost reinvent ourselves , that’s the hard bit. Look after yourself.

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Hi Viv3
After reading a few different posts on this subject I’m realising that I’m not alone in what I’m going through. It’s helping me just realising my experience is one that’s been shared by so many , it’s comforting to know as far as friends and promises go it’s not just me who’s experienced that.

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I lost wife in march 53 years old she was the love of my life ,and i am struggling so much people says it gets easier but it does not .
At the moment I feel as if I am the only person on the planet so lonely its torture .
when it first happens people say they are there for you but the truth is there not really .

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My heart goes out to you. I’ve felt exactly the same over the last weeks since I lost my husband . There are lots of people on the forum who’ve been where we are and are still going through the loss and grief themselves. I’m hopeful talking to others who understand will be a huge help.
So far I’m just focusing on taking it one day at a time.

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I have loads of pictures of her all over the house i don,t know if thats a good thing or not ,but the thing what is keeping going is we have custody of our grand children and they are just about keeping my head above water , because as you know at our age you just dont loose your partner but also your best friend ,your lover ,your sole mate and so on ,one thing i have learned in life we are guilty of it we take everything for granted ,we went from been on holiday in December in Australia to cheryl catching covid and she was deed in march how quick your life can change .

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Life can change in a heartbeat. We were almost at our 3 years clear on cancer, being told if we hit 3 years clear he would be ok. In December we were told it was back and by June he was gone. All those months being told he was doing good . I lost my husband who was also my best friend, my mother in law and my beloved dad in 18 short months. I’m still reeling from it all. I’m so pleased you have your grandchildren, they will keep you strong.
I don’t think we ever get over the loss but I’m praying I can ‘manage’ my life without them.
Each day feels like an effort to function solo. He’s not there to hear how my days been or to tell me about his. It’s the little things that trip me up , convince me that I can’t keep going without him, without my dad to offer a pep talk or just somebody being there who loves me despite my faults . There’s nobody to tell me why I can’t get the computer to do what I’m asking, why the car won’t start or just tell me I’m doing ok when I doubt myself.
I too have photos of my husband around, somedays it helps me some days not so much.
It’s all new, I wish it wasn’t but it is. I can’t change anything, I wish I could. I try to remember how lucky I was to be married to the kindest, funniest , most amazing man . We had a good life together, we laughed , loved and in the last few weeks cried together. I wouldn’t change that time together for anything and I hope , in time, I’ll learn to appreciate what we had and not focus solely on what I’ve lost.

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Hi Harley

You are so right, life can change so quickly I found my hubby on the floor 30 minutes after speaking to him about the Grand Prix which he was watching, spent time pumping his chest while the ambulance arrived, but he was already gone. I am 9 months on it has got easier, but it’s the loneliness that’s does you. I try not to focus too far in front and that has worked for me. I don’t have lots of pictures round the house, but I did get a few teddy bears made for myself and the kids out of hubby’s clothes. He has pride of place.

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You are not alone, I have no advise but I feel exactly the same. I’m so sorry for you… And for me… and for everyone else in our situation. It totally sucks and makes you wonder why you are even still here.
it’s not a positive response I’m afraid but I feel if you are at the point when you need a forum like this then you need to hear from people who feel the same as you.
I’m at the "what’s the point " stage.
Life is rubbish without him, I hate it, and can’t see I’ll ever find a way through it but logic tells me I will. I don’t even know that I want to if I’m honest. I’m sad so much of the time but hide it so well.
I’m hoping to find some solace and recognition in this forum. We’re in this together x

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Hi ya Harley, I’m Peter. I’m 61 and I lost my wife two years ago in November. People say things get easier in time, they don’t. I long for love again. I miss her now as much as the day she left me . I have no one else other than my ninety year old parents and the cats we both had. If it wasn’t for my promises to them all, I want to go now. I hate my life and I hate this loneliness that eats at my very soul. If you need to talk, I’d welcome it. Thank you. Petet

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Hi Viv3
Sorry I’ve not replied, a few bad days to get through. I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you. So sudden, I can’t imagine what that was like for you.
I think the teddies sound like a fantastic idea.
Absolutely the loneliness is the worst, especially the early hours when sleep would be so welcome. So many thoughts, fears and worries going round and round and nobody to share that with.
I get lots of well meaning suggestions to join a group, get myself out and talking to people. But I’m not ready for that, I’m not sure when or if I will be.
I have really nice neighbours, I’m so grateful for that especially as we only moved here a few weeks before the first lockdown . They’ve actually listened to how I feel , and the fact that I don’t want to talk about my grief all the time. So they pop over when they can , we have a cup of tea and just a normal conversation. But on the bad days they encourage me to ‘ let it all out ‘ without their support I’d be feeling so much worse (if that’s possible).
I’m mindful that I don’t want to be a burden to them, if I don’t see them for a few days I gloss over their apologies and just let them know I appreciate the time they do have for me. I’m undecided about the suggestions to ask for counselling, I think I get more from these times with my neighbours then sitting down to an appointment to talk.
Sending you a big hug x

Hi - hope you are felling better. I have some good neighbours too, especially next door who is a widower, he is great to talk things out with. You have to do what’s best for you. Unfortunately there is no rule book for this. Speak soon x

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