I cried through the night again and this morning i woke and the tears happened straight away. I miss Martin so much, i feel so lonely. I cant bear life without him it feels so odd. I want to go back to before the diagnosis day and put everything on hold…so i can still have him here. They say it gets easier, sorry im finding it harder recently. I long to go on a walk with him and our dog in the sun and just be!! Please god make this better some how, the sun is shining so i am going out with lily for the day, i cant bear to he in the house, but i will have to come back to the silence i know and thats whats killing me.
Berniea. I know don’t I just. One of the things I find so difficult is putting the key in the door then silence. I just have to push through the feeling and get on with things. God knows it’s not easy. We can’t put the clock back but we can live in the now where there is no time. Difficult? Oh yes, but what’s easy in this process called grief.
Finding it gets harder as time passes is not uncommon. I have felt that recently. No matter what happens we will never forget, but if we live in the past where there is no hope we may neglect the future where there is hope.
Life is precious and although it may not feel that way to you at the moment it is.
Take it easy. Everything passes. There will come a time when it gets easier. Hold on to that hope and the light in the distance. Bless you.
My dear Bernlea how I feel your pain, in fact we all do. I was told the week that Brian died that it would get easier in time but I haven’t noticed anything yet and it’s a year next month. A year of being in a daze. A year of constant crying and putting on a face.
Going out with Lily for the day is the best thing you could do. I do it all the time with my two dogs and it really does help to just take in the sights and smells around you and enjoy Lily and her company. Take Martin with you, I do. I take a picture of Brian and talk to him all the time. We was both keen walkers and members of the Ramblers so he knows all the paths and tracks I talk to him about. I talk to him about the routes I take. He asked me to do this before he died.
My dogs always make my house feel alive. When I am out without them, which is rare I can’t get down the path without little Bugsy starting to bark. He’s excited to see me and the greeting of both dogs make me feel so loved.
For me my house has now become a shell and I’m not sure why this should suddenly happen when it gave me comfort in the early days. My house is a cosy little place yet I find it has now become empty. I find it easier to go to bed early and curl up with the dogs and watch TV or read.
Have you tried leaving a radio on so that you can hear something when you return. I know it’s not the same though.
Take care xxx
Hello everyone, I thought I was doing better recently but I have been feeling so lonely and low too. It’s awful isn’t it?
I went o do some food shopping , with a list, luckily I remembered it instead of leaving it on the coffee table!!
I got in the supermarket and just bought all sorts of stuff I didn’t need ,I just couldn’t concentrate at all .
Has anyone else had this sort of experience , it’s 9 months since he died I sometimes think Iam back to where I started
Help please x
Your not alone I can assure you. I have broken down in tears on many occasions in the supermarket or even walking through town. We would separate in town and meet up in the square later. I still find myself looking for him sitting on a bench. It all seems like five minutes ago. I look in the window of his favourite coffee shop and expect to see him looking at me smiling.
I constantly think I’m going backwards especially when I have had a couple of good days. I sometimes think I’m being punished. Why can’t we move forward, no matter how slowly instead of being knocked over again.
xxx
If I don’t take a list I forget half of what I want. Usually I leave it on the kitchen worktop.
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I too feel very lonely whenever in the house. My husband very recently whilst diving on holiday. I never got to say goodbye properly and I think I’m still in shock. I’m finding adjusting to living alone very difficult and I know what you mean by the silence. I find putting the tv on helps a little bit , but more often I ring a friend and arrange to meet up. I know people will get fed up with me eventually but for now all my friends are accommodating my need for company. Don’t be afraid of reaching out to your friends. Im dreading the future I was so excited about just a few weeks ago and every day has been so hart so far, but I know he would not want me to give up and curl up. He’d want me to keep going. So I hope we can all find the strength to live again. I was reluctant to sign up to this forum as I’m still reeling from my loss, but your post made me sign up to reply. I have found my friends are always willing to chat when I feel alone. Tell your friends how you are feeling. X
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Hi Lancashire lass, it is 10 months since my husband died and I thought I was coping and then last month I just dipped and feel as bad now as I did then, my sister died in July and that to knocked me but I kept going and tried to stay positive, in August I went on holiday with my children and grandchildren and actually had a good time and then suddenly at the 9 month mark the enormity of my loss hit me, I can’t concentrate on anything, I don’t want to do things or go anywhere, I don’t understand where this has come from I’m crying more now than ever, I’m just taking it as it comes and pray I will come out of this darkness eventually take care Jan x
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Hello Everyone-I am finding the second year so difficult. I feel set back, re-living the horror of those final hours. Life seemed to come to screeching halt the night my beloved sister died, and I am just spinning my wheels. I relate to not concentrating (and it is affecting my job). Going to the grocery and leaving my items on the counter. Like so many of you, I grow so tired of this struggle. I used to sing, dance and had quite the wit, but no longer. I lost my Sister and I lost myself. Take care and thanks for listening. Wishing us all a better day. Xxx Sister2
Hi Berniea - I’ve come home from work, had my dinner and just sitting here crying - it’s hard but it will get better - it just sucks - but let’s just keep moving on and think of all the special memories - be strong xxx
I think the supermarket has become one of the worst places for me. I wander around looking at the shelves thinking that’s too big for one person. I bought a turkey that was too big, a bacon joint for 3 people, that was so big that I gave it away. I bought stuff out of habit, panicking that people might come unexpectedly , but no one did. I feel very low today, everyone has gone. No one to cuddle up with on the sofa. April seems just like yesterday. I have conversations with Steve, even more worrying is That he answers in my mind. Am I going mad.