I went away for the weekend with my brother to visit my stepmum who lives in lockerbie on Friday the drive there was awful my brother argued all the way up he never stopped by the time I got to my stepmums I had a headache with him I thought it would stop but he just carried on I then went quite and my stepmum said was I in a mood I said I was not but I go quite when I have had enough it’s my way of coping it was a awful weekend and all I wanted was paul my husband but I cannot have that I also wished my dad was still here he would have told him off and I did something I have never done in my life they had gone to bed so I was on my own downstairs so I just got my stuff together and got in my car and left to get a hotel , I got to the hotel booked myself in and went to my room and just cried and thought if family can treat me like this then what do I do , I tried to get some sleep but that evaded me all I wanted to do was come home ,home is my safe place where no one can hurt me I was so hurt by all of this that I do not know what to do about any off it anymore
Oh that is so difficult isn’t it. Dealing with family can be tough, I know all about it, I have a toxic sister who is just a horrible person. Has virtually disappeared since my Ray passed 6 weeks ago. All she says is oh we are here to offer you support so just ask. As if I’m going to ask! Have people such little thought that they think you’re going to rock up to their house and ask for support… I just don’t get it. You did right by going to a hotel. All we want at these times our our other halves and we can’t have them. That’s what I miss so much, we could tell each other everything and now that’s gone.
This is what I do not understand he is not normally that horrible but he was this weekend I had also asked him if he would put two doorbells up for me and he just went on about why did I need them and I thought sorry I asked I feel if you can’t ask family when you need a bit of help then when can you my problem is not standing up for myself and I need to do that more but I just could not take anymore of it on the Saturday they never even bothered to contact me to se if I was OK so like an idiot I sent him a message and he replied to it asking me why I left I said really I told him everything how hurt I felt I went back to my stepmums as I would not leave him stuck up there that’s not the way I am it was not great but I put up with it then came home Sunday and that was a tough drive for me another weekend wasted again
That’s not very nice treating you like that ..your better off without someone like that in your life look after yourself
So sorry for your pain. Unfortunately unless you have experienced grief you have absolutely no idea how bad it is & that it is literally a life style you have to learn to live with because it’s not going away. You cannot explain to people how debilitating it is because what they see it sadness but it is so much more that you just can’t explain.
I hope you managed to get through this & please keep posting 
Hi smythe
I did get through it although it was tough i am back home know just trying my best to try and cope.with it but its not easy that is why i feel so much safer.at home i cannot.explain that one but i am trying to.cope
I’m exactly the same even when l just go down the road to the shops lm rushing to get home 
Dia
Hi why do we feel like this I often wonder if men feel like this to I do not know why it feels so difficult
I do know what you mean but my husband always said to me he hope he would go before me and l used to say no l want to go first don’t know how he would have been if l had x
Hi dia
I always wanted to go before Paul as he was the strong positive one and I knew he could cope without me knew he would miss me but was strong enough to carry on but he was the one that got poorly and I cared for him for 22years I loved him very much I would have done anything for that man
I love being home, like yourself & Dia I can’t wait to get back home if I have to go out, I love the comfort & safety that home brings
There are lots of men on this community & they feel exactly the same as us girls. Grief is the price of love 
Yes l just can’t wait to get home lm suppose to be going out for the first time on Saturday my daughter arranged it with few others meals ordered to but l get anxious just thinking about it
I don’t make plans at the moment, I’ve tried it but start crying the minute I wake up just thinking about it
I hope you make it out, let us know xx
Yes, it is debilitating and no one has a clue till it happens to them.
That’s so true no one lv never felt like l do now it’s a terrible feeling and it come on so suddenly