Feeling so mixed up

I think I know what I want then when I get the opportunity I don’t want it I’m so mixed up.
I feel I can do this I can get through another day , the day starts with all good intentions then I find I can’t go on.
I feel I want to go out so I do when I get the opportunity then when I’m out I want to come back home .
Ive become accustomed to being on my own but then I want company and companionship .
I have ideas for meals I drag myself to the shop and then I don’t want to eat so I come home with the dogs food and basics for me .
It’s just so easy to sit and think or dream about how I’m going to conduct my life from now on but putting those dreams into practice is hard I mean really hard .
Well I suppose this it how it is and I must make the best of it because like everything else there’s only me that can do it

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Hi I know what you mean it’s exactly the same for me, I have an idea but can’t find the motivation or inclination to do it, I ask does it really matter and then the answer is always no because nothing does anymore, I try to do one small thing everyday even if it’s to tidy our bedroom which my husband would be horrified to see, my home is my sanctuary and where I choose to be mostly, I drift day to day but it suits me because I can’t think of too much else, I’ve decided not to go back to work I can’t focus and concentration is out of the window and I know that this time is about looking after myself, mourning lasts however long and I will never get over losing my lovely husband, we need to take care of ourselves and take time out to make sense of it all sending hugs xx

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Hi M and K
I know what you both mean- I’m up and down like a yoyo in my mood and feelings about things. 7 months since I lost my Sunny aged only 57, and while last Oct/ Nov I was feeling more motivated, the new year has come and I’m feeling quite down at times and very sad again. I started my counselling in October and that ended in early Jan. 2022 has come and it feels like my new reality of aloneness and never seeing him again, has hit me like a ton of bricks. It doesn’t help that I’m in the city that I was only still in because of him. I need to get a new job and find somewhere to live in the area that my siblings anf best friend are, 150 miles away. Sunny and I had no kids together and that’s really hard too. I had a vivid dream about him last night- we were sitting in his car chatting (we often used to talk in the car when we parked, sometimes for ages). Anyway he was explaining to me about his time in ITU and it was beautiful to have him sitting next to me holding hands again. And then I woke up…
I know that at some point in the future I will be ok. It just feels right now, that that time is still a long way off.
Love to all
Sophie x :heart:

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It’s getting harder for me, think was first in shock now I spend most of the time in my room I have really tried to do things and made a few meals for people, also I think I am waiting for his family to contact me now they have been found I am no longer ‘next of kin’ so haven’t had funeral yet and he died in November it’s going to be hard if they don’t as then I won’t be able to go but at least I have some of his things around me I just don’t feel I can get over this we were so close

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Hi reading your message and sorry for your loss .My husband died in October after 4year battle to cancer .I am the same I’m really mixed up a lot of the time .Find it hard to make decisions and think his passing has had a knock on effect for my confidence and self belief .I still have one of my young adult daughters living at home which is a great relief and support .But I just find some days so hard and am so tired alot of the time .I’ve been given sleeping tablets but am worried to get to dependent on them .Maybe when the brighter days and lighter nights it might help to cheer me up some .I hope the same for you .Being a widow is shit .Sending much love xx

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Hello Marti and I’m very sorry about the loss of your husband. I think you’ve done well to go back to work after such a short time. I was off sick for 6 months from my NHS job- my brain just wasn’t functioning adequately before that. I lost my partner last June so 8 months for me now. He was only 57. I miss him so so SO much.
On your intro you ask about how people cope- on other threads I’ve mentioned about sticking my head in a good book which diverts my difficult thoughts for a while, making myself go swimming (I get into a rhythm and it really calms me, up and down the lane over and over), coffee with a friend, writing a list of household chores and ticking something off every two or three days, having a little potter in the garden as it starts to get a tiny bit lighter in the evenings, etc etc etc. Just keep putting one step in front of the other, as slowly as you need to.
Grief has made me completely exhausted too- it has a huge physical impact, especially in the first few months. I think of losing our partners as a massive traumatic wound that can only start healing if we treat our bodies and minds with great care.
I’m so glad you have the comfort of your daughter with you.
Love to you and your family :heart:
Sophie x

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Hi. I m 3.5 years since a sudden loss of hubby. I was exactly the same. I d plan all sorts of things, many crazy. But never acted on them, for which I am grateful. The daily routines, I got to grips with quite quickly. I started a journal from day one , kept it going for 14 months. Extracts from my journal have been included in my book, just about to be published. All the horrendous aspects of grief are talked about in the book and goal setting, achieving and setting more plans. Because these are written down now, I know I have to achieve them. Writing has been so cathartic for me and has given me a real purpose to achieve and therefore create a new type of living and not just surviving.

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