Feeling so sad…..

My darling husband of 45 years passed away late November 2017. His funeral was very recent. To say I’m heartbroken is an understatement. Nothing can prepare you for the devastation, he was my best friend, my confidant and we lived and worked together, did everything together, and although sociable, we were happy to be “just the two of us”.
I’m staying at my daughters home at the moment, have been here for over a week; lovely as they are to me, I know I can’t keep intruding on their lives, I must go home soon and try to stand on my own two feet. Its really early days, I know, but I just wondered how others have dealt with this horrible feeling I have in the pit of my stomach and the fear of being alone?

Hi

I understand completely how you feel. My husband Geoff died unexpectedly in his sleep in October. He was 68. We had been out together the previous day to one of our favourite parks. It came as a complete shock. We had been married for 32 years and been together for 40. Like you we did everything together. We ran a family business for 26 years ( that closed down the same day) One of our best friends whom we had known all our lives (also 68) also died unexpectedly the same day. Later that week I was diagnosed with Cancer. I feel my whole life has imploded and everyday I feel paralysed with fear. I miss our conversations. Sometimes we didn’t need to say anything he just knew me so well. The future seems a very scary place without him. Rarely do I get through a day without crying. Life was so good and now it’s over. I’m trying to get through one day at a time but it’s so hard.

I am willing myself to ‘buck up’ in the New Year but I can tell from others who post on here that it’s not that easy.

I do hope someone else will respond and offer us both some practical advice as to how we can move on with our lives.

Sending you a comforting hug

Yvonne

Hi
My name is lily my husband George passed away on the 26 of November we were together for 30 years .
My self and my husband were together for 12 years on our own as our kids had all moved out so like your self and your husband we did everything together he was the love of my life and it is truly heartbreaking not to have him with me as I know it will be for you .
I have three sons and I’m staying with my oldest son just now who has been very supportive as has the rest of my kids I’m going back to my own home just after new year .
It is very early days for us all and I’m just trying to take things day by day I don’t think there is anything else we can do I think we just have to find a way to muddle through and hope that some day we can all see light at the end of this horrendous situation that we all find our selfs in .
I am truly sorry and my heart goes out to you take time to heal and with everyone’s support we will get some peace of heart take care .
Lily

My husband died in June. We had been married for 66 years, and I am still trying to come to terms with it. I live alone in a sheltered flat and might as well live in a cemetery. Can’t even have a cat for company. Never see anyone from one day to the next, so in the spring I will be looking to move to somewhere else. The loneliness is just awful. Although I am lucky to have family quite near, they have gone back to their busy lives and seem to think I should be over it by now. I am truly sorry for your loss and know what you are going through. I don’t know what advice to give you except maybe try counselling and keep posting on here. We are all in the same boat. I am just hoping that the new year will bring some relief for us all. Eileen

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. It really helps. I am so sorry for your losses too, it must be a terrible shock to lose someone so dear when you aren’t expecting it. Your dear friend too, and now cancer. I am really heartbroken for you. I can relate to so many things you have written, you have a beautiful way of expressing feelings…… I hope we can all continue to support each other, its precious to me to have someone who truly understands. Kindest regards and a big hug xxxx

Thank you Lily for your reply, you truly do understand how I am feeling. Our sad events do seem to be running in a cruel parallel. It is so helpful to read your words and it has inspired me a little to know you will also be returning home at the same time as I will, that for me is another hurdle. We loved our home and together it was perfect for us, I am hoping that my lovely memories of our time together there will help me to survive being there alone. Please keep in touch, and I hope we can give each other a little strength to survive. Kindest regards and a big hug xxxx

Dear Eileen, thank you for replying to me. I am so sorry for your loss too, you still sound very heartbroken, it is still early days for you too, everyone is different and no one should expect anyone to “be over it”, its not that easy is it? I think your idea of moving in the spring could be right for you, where you are at the moment doesn’t sound ideal, whatever you decide I hope it will be the best decision you have made. Take care and very best wishes to you xxxx

Hi I told my son I fell its time for me to go home just after George passed away I could not stand to be in the house it just broke my heart but now I feel it’s time I know like your self walking in to my home is going to be a horrendous experience.
I’m hoping that with all the love and memories we had together in the house that it will now start to give me some comfort as I hope when you go home you get comfort from all the memories around you .
We are all going through a horrendous journey together and I thank god there are people who will reply on this forum when we are having terrible days or even felling we are having a better day.
I don’t no how many people who I have meet when I was out walking who New George have said god we are so sorry hope you fell better soon I said to my son I’ve not had the flu or a illness the love of my life has gone I’m sorry I’m having a rant .
Thank you all for listening and thanks for the hug I send a hug and kind thoughts back to you all .
Lily

Hi. I lost my darling husband and soul mate on September 23rd this year aged 61. He was my best friend, we loved each other so much and also did everything together.
I stayed at my mothers for the first few weeks after he died. I couldn’t bear to be at home. We were also in the middle of having a side extension built on our house when he went into hospital and then the hospice, which would have been a great help for him as we had planned a downstairs shower room. It hurt so much that though he had been involved in the planning of it he died before it was finished.
Now I am home, though I still feel utterly devastated, I have started to view the house as a sanctuary. Words cannot express the loneliness I feel and how much I miss him, but at the same time I am comforted by the reminders of him that are here. I still talk to him.
My heart goes out to everyone here who is going through a similar experience.
With kind wishes,
Julia

Hi Julia
I am so sorry for your loss this is such a overwhelming time I used to do everything with my husband George our kids had all moved out and getting on with there life’s so it was just us two for twelve years together we were married for thirty years .
Like your husband George was the love of my life and I miss him every min of the day and night.
I have been staying with my son and I go home soon I couldn’t bare to be in the house just after George passed away I am hoping that I can find comfort when I go home with all the memories that we both shared in our home .
I wish you and everyone on this journey takes care of them selfs and be kind to your selfs .

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Thank you Lily. I am sorry for your loss too. I hope that when you move back home you will find it a comfort there, though I know how lonely it feels. My children are also adults and have their own places and partners, though they don’t live far away. Are you going to stay with your son until the New Year? I have been dreading New Year’s Eve, but my daughter and partner are coming for tea and I think I will go to bed before midnight.

Hi Julia
I’m staying with my son till the 3rd of January I don’t live on the mainland I live on the isle of Lewis my family all stay on the mainland I have a very close group of friends around me who are very supportive.
On New Year’s Eve I’m going out with my family to watch the fire work display it’s something I have done for a good few years now with my family and of course my husband George .
I know it is going to be heartbreaking with out him holding my hand but I felt I wanted to bring in the new year doing something that my husband and myself loved .
I which everyone Julia that they managed to get through new year in what ever way the find peace in their heart .
Lily

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Hi Lily
I’m glad you have a good support network.I wish you and all of us in this situation strength and comfort on New Year’s Eve and into the New Year.
Julia

Our son, 56, died on Friday 29th dec.
our daughter in law plans to stay where she is for a month, see if she can manage. She is on a walk frame at home and can only go out if someone is with her, so may not be easy.

D was ill for two and half years. With help from wonderful carers, he was able to stay at home, district nurses have been an enormous help in last three weeks.
Still in shock.
Thinking of all those who are in same situation.

Hi Lily I will be thinking of you on the 3rd January, I plan to go home on the 2nd January, after the New Year Celebrations have been and gone. I hope you get through the New Year celebrations with your family, your reply touched my heart, as my husband always held my hand too. Life was so good wasn’t it, and in the blink of an eye it changes. I wish strength and love to everyone who has posted on this conversation. Your support is so helpful. Love Elaine x

Hi Julia, I am so sorry for your devastating loss, I think I am slowly realising that to lose someone you loved, heart and soul, is the hardest thing ever. I wonder if anyone who hasn’t gone through it, can ever really understand how it feels? I am so happy that you are finding some solace in your home, I think I will be talking to my husband a lot when I get back home on the 2nd January. Thank you for posting on this conversation, sending you a hug and best wishes Elaine

Hi Marge

So sorry to hear that your son has died and so recently too. You must still be in shock. I do hope your daughter is able to get all the help she needs in order to stay in her home. It is bad enough losing your husband without having to move as well.

My husband died in October and it has been hard getting through this holiday season. I expect I will go to bed early tonight to forget all about the New Year.

Just wanted you to know that there are lots of us on this site who share your pain of loss. I hope someone can offer you more words of comfort and practical ways in which you can help your dIL and yourselves at this very sad time.

Sending you a hug - just what you need at the moment.

Yvonne

Hi Marge, So sorry to hear of your loss, to lose a son must be so bad, my heart goes out to you. I am also sorry to hear about your daughter in law, you must be very worried for her too. I am sure you are still in shock, its all so raw at the moment. Take care of yourself Marge and sending you a big hug and love Elaine

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Hi Lily & Elaine

Thinking of you both as you return to your homes this week. It will be hard. It’s not just the loneliness but also the emptiness I feel. The ‘man drawers’ in the kitchen have been emptied. Geoff had about six of them stuffed with old plugs, batteries, spare light bulbs etc. The Playroom has been emptied of all the toys, books and games ( we ran a childcare business for 26 years). The bathroom has been cleared of his shaving things and medications and yesterday I emptied the wardrobe of his clothes ( can’t get rid of them just yet) but although I always knew we had too much ‘stuff’ the house seems strangely empty now.

I was worried that if I didn’t make a start on doing things it would get left and then I wouldn’t be able to face it at all. I played my John Denver CD to help me get through it. ( Not Geoff’s taste in music but he always indulged me especially over Christmas when I insisted on listening to him singing Christmas Carols). I had a lovely memory of my 30th Birthday when Geoff surprised me with dinner, flowers, birthday cake and tickets to see John Denver. That’s when I knew he loved me and decided to marry him.

Sorry I’m rambling on a bit but I want to talk and remember Geoff. I know ‘stuff’ doesn’t matter. I’ll always have my precious memories.

Thinking of everyone as we enter a new year without our husbands by our side.

Yvonne

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Thank you Yvonne. My daughter came to stay one night, so good to talk to her. Daughter In law has her daughter and son with her for a few days. . I have several phone calls to make, but not ready for that. My husband has made some calls for us.

Mxx

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