It’s approaching 4 months since I lost my mum, my best friend, my world. Although she had been sick for a long time, it hit me hard as I expected her to pull through again this time or for us to have longer. I was and am devastated. I took 6 weeks off work and I was floored, consumed with thinking about mum and my loss.
When I first went back to work, my mind often wandered back to mum and in the evenings I would be hit again by the loss, having had to keep it in all day.
Now however, I feel like life has got so busy. I am always on the go at work or at home. I interact with so many people each day that their words and voices fill my mind. It hit me today that the longer I go without speaking to mum (not just one way as I do still talk to mum, but a proper conversation) then the more marginalised she is becoming in my head day to day as it is filled by all the other noise around me. It all feels so wrong. My mum was and is my everything, we would interact umpteen times a day about everything and anything. I don’t want her being pushed out of my central thoughts. I write to her but am struggling to keep her as central as I want.
Does this make sense? Anyone else feel the same? Any suggestions? The one thing I need is obviously mum back to talk to which I know I can’t have 