So its 5 days since dad died…the emotional road ahead is scaring me, i thought id be in bits…dont get me wrong, im crying loads, and getting triggered by certain things, but im also feeling bad because im glad dads at peace…last week really was horrific, hed wasted into a skleton, his rib cage was bigger than his body, you could see his heart beating in his chest…it needed to stop for all of us…but now it has its like learning to live life again…i start back at work tomorrow after taking time off to help my mum care for dad at home…i keep getting awful head aches, and litetally cant stay in bed past 5am…we have funeral directors today?? When does it actually hit me that hes gone?? Atm im just doing the motions of everyday life??
I think feeling like this is normal, i cried loads the day my Dad died and still get triggered quite alot (all the Fathers Day stuff in shops isnt helping) but i didnt shed a tear at his funeral which really surprised me. Personally i found keeping a routine of everyday life helped, but even 7 months in i still sometimes dont believe he is gone, i still expect to see his car in the drive or him to phone me.
Sorry i cant really give you the answers as we are all different but just go through each day as it comes my lovely and we are all always here xx
@Clarzie78 I found it really hit home when I saw the coffin. My mum had my Dad home for one night before his funeral & watching it arrive about broke me. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve & what you describe sounds like you are going thru that process. On one hand he’s your Dad & it’s unfair he’s gone but he’s also free from pain & there’s no shame in saying that. You’ll be kept occupied by funeral planning in the interim. I’m still plagued by anxiety 11 weeks into this bereavement journey. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone. X
@Cee i see that you have mentioned being plagued by anxiety since your bereavement, im also suffering from it 7 months in and its seems to be something that noone talks about and i find it so scary and confusing.
I agree with your post wholeheartedly and we all just have to take our time x
@Lostdaughter it’s horrible isn’t it. I’ve had it almost every day since he died. It starts when I get up & I realise it’s not been a dream after all. It got so bad I had to get some meds from my GP. It’s that on edge feeling. Some days I’d happily hibernate. Although it’s a dreadful by product of bereavement, I’m glad there are people on here who can tell me they have it too & I’m not in the minority. X
@Cee i honestly thougt it was just me. I know several other people at my work who lost a parent at a similar time and they arent suffering like this so i thought i was wierd
Ive had counselling and waiting for cbt therapy, i really want to avoid meds but thats a personal choice and i totally understand going down that route, do you find that they help you? X
@Lostdaughter tbh, at first I thought it was the initial shock that brought it on. My GP was fantastic. I don’t yet qualify for bereavement counselling as it’s too soon but the funeral directors have their own sessions which I may use. As for the meds, I only use as & when I’m overwhelmed & they just take the edge off if you know what I mean. Did you find counselling helpful? Do you have supportive friends & family? X
@Cee i got my counselling through work and i found it amazingly helpful, the counsellor was lovely and i got 8 sessions through them.
Im okay probably 90% of the time but if i get stuck in crowds or things go unexpectedly wrong i get very anxious and panicky, my breathing go rapid and tears appear and i start shaking, its horrible and comes out of nowhere.
My husband and close friends have been amazing but i do sometimes think that people are getting bored of me being this way and think i should be over it by now.
How do you find the medication side of it? X
@Lostdaughter That’s excellent that you got some help & that the counsellor was nice. Nothing worse that one that makes the sessions uncomfortable. I think you’ve aptly described anxiety. It comes out of nowhere. I’m a worrier, always have been (I put it down to my caring nature ) I worried Dad would die & he did anyway so my aim is to worry less. Your grief journey is unique to you, only you know how you feel. The ones who think you should be over it aren’t going thru it are they. The meds are ok but I only take as & when. I don’t want an addiction along with everything else I’m juggling lol. X
I’m new here and just came across your post. I’m so sorry about the loss of your dad. I lost my dad very suddenly in august 2022 and I feel like I’ll never get over it, I’m still heartbroken and although it’s been a while I still don’t think it’s truly hit me properly. They say time is a healer but I think we just need to take our time to heal there is no right or wrong way, you feel how you feel. I’m waffling now but it takes time xx
@Cee snap ive always been a worrier too. Yeah im trying to avoid medication if i can as im worried about the addiction. Im waiting for CBT sessions and my husband has said if i want more counselling then we will get it privately if needs be, im hoping not to.
Had a little moment this evening when i popped to the shop after work and they had the stand of Fathers Day cards by the till x
@Lostdaughter I know what you mean, I keep seeing adverts in shop windows for Father’s Day. I thought about buying something anyway for my mum to thank her for looking after him so well. The little reminders are everywhere aren’t they. We used to go shopping together on a Saturday & now I’ve avoided a couple of places because it’s too hard to face. I still can’t believe I no longer have a Dad. I’m the youngest & the only girl & he always called me by a nickname which I’ll never hear again
My Mum passed away 4 weeks ago today and it was very traumatic. I have been so busy taking care of everything regarding arrangements for the funeral and sorting everything out for my Dad that I’d not really grieved although I was sad and kept crying. Yesterday was the first time I’d been on my own after moving in to look after my Mum on end of life care I was at home and the grief was overwhelming I’m not saying this will happen to you but it’s been a tough emotional couple of days. Speak to your Gp if work is too soon you could also do reduced hours or a fazed return. Take care