Feels like drowning

My mom passed away so suddenly (she was only 50) and everyone who loved her was left heartbroken…i am the eldest daughter so everyone who visits us tells me to stand strong for my family so that they won’t be sad and i have to be the mom for my younger sister…my grandma (mom’s mother) stays with us and she tells all of her worries and sadness to me and she thinks that my dad is in pain (which he is, poor thing spend all his life for my mom and us and now all he left with is her memories and guilt that we could’ve saved her somehow)…

but what about my pain ??? Everyone wants me to be strong and all i want is to hug my mom and cry my heart out…I am suffocating here…i can’t even cry properly because that will make my dad and sister sad…i can’t sleep properly because every time i close my eyes i see my mom and her funeral.

She was my everything…i lived for my family…i am a complete introvert and i spend all my time with her and i shared everything with her…now i don’t have anyone to say my worries to and now i don’t have anyone to say to me that it’s okay and it will be fine…i feel like i lost a part of me and it is so painful…my heart hurts so much thinking that all of this isn’t a dream and she isn’t coming back to me…will this pain be over someday ???


I just had to reach out to you cause your story sounds exactly like mine. I lost my Mum in March and she was only 50 to! I’m the eldest and had to be her next of kin sorting out her utilities and funeral arrangements as well as dealing with the coroners. My Grandma (mums mum) is still here to.

I often get accused of upsetting the family when I tell them how much I am struggling, apparently I’m just thinking about my own feelings but they seem to forget that I’ve been the one picking up the pieces it has not been easy! Why don’t they get that it helps to share our grief though?

I am not sure what I can say to you to make this better but it does help to know that there’s other people out there going through similar things. Like I say whilst reading your post it resonated with me so much x