My Dad passed away a few years ago when I was 14, it was one of the most painful days I’ve ever had, I’m now 18 and I still struggle to come to terms with losing him and holding onto all the memories we shared. I get hard days but I also have good days remembering, but I still can’t come to terms with how he is no longer here.
Hi. Lilymay. Yes, difficult is not the word is it? I think when you use the word ‘struggling’ you really sum up the problem. So many of us struggle with emotions because they make us feel bad. It’s so painful we try desperately to fight them off when we should be allowing them to happen. Nature gave us emotions as an outlet for our tensions and fears. Fighting and struggle with them makes them worse. The dictionary definition of ‘to fight’ is ‘to enter into combat with’. Now that must be about the last thing we want to do. It’s so tiring and uses so much energy.
Don’t allow the thought of time passing to make you feel in some way different or inadequate. There is no time limit to grief. But can you allow emotions to just come and release the tensions within yourself? Acceptance is not easy, but it can help a lot. Accepting you may well feel this way from time to time.
14 is such a vulnerable age and the impressions made then can colour your whole life. You need to learn to live with the feelings but not allow them to make your life miserable. I am sure your dad would not have wanted that.
Take care and try to go a day at a time for now.
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Hi Lillymay23, I lost my Dad 19 years ago, but it really does not feel that long ago. I still miss him and i think you always do miss a parent, but with time it does gets much easier. You were very young to deal with a loss. It will take time. If you feel you are really struggling, perhaps mention it to your GP, as they might be able to offer you grief counselling. x
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Thank you, everything you just said really meant a lot to me. It’s been hard because at 14, even 18 I’m still really young and not having that father figure around anymore is really heartbreaking. Pain does eventually subside but it doesn’t mean i don’t feel, to me I don’t think 4 years is an acceptable amount of time to get over someone you love dying especially a parent. It has been getting easier though to get that acceptance just not 100%, he wouldn’t of wanted me sad he’d want me to be happy and get on with life and succeed, it’s just hard because he’s no longer here and sharing the experiences with me on earth
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I will always miss my Dad there isn’t a day I don’t think about it and all the memories we shared, thank you for your kind words they mean a lot to me right now thank you
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Dear Lilymay, you are far too young to be going through all this grief. I do feel sorry that you are suffering in this way. I hope that you will receive some comfort from the members of this group, They are the best,
Love and Blessings,
MaryL