Filled with guilt

Hello. I am new to this service and hope I am using it correctly. Here goes:
I lost my beloved wife of nearly 26 years in January. She was the strongest person I have ever had the privilege to know. Although she was fully aware that her life was coming to an end, all she could think about was those she would leave behind and how we would cope.
To begin with I thought I was doing ok but that was probably due to focusing on the practical things like probate, the funeral arrangements etc. Two weeks after the funeral I went back to work but have come to realise that I am not as effective as I once was. In addition, I have just exchanged contracts on a new place to live and am in the process of selling my family home.
After eight and a half months I have suddenly started to feel worse about my loss and anxious about the future. But here’s the bit about Guilt. Purely inadvertently I came to be in contact with an old friend, in fact an old girlfriend from 38 years ago (we were teenagers). I have met her again though she lives 360 miles away, purely on a friendship basis. We have arranged to meet again. My wonderful wife’s last instruction to me was “live your life”, and although there’s nothing going on with my old girlfriend, it’s platonic, I feel guilty about just being in touch, she was, after all, a girlfriend not just a friend who is female. I am not after any judgement or advice, other than can anyone help me process the feeling of guilt? And why, when I thought I was on an even keel with my grief, has it started getting worse.
Thanks for reading.


I’ve not been in your position (my wife died in July) but have certainly felt that irrational guilt about “was I good enough” “Did I care enough” etc.
This sounds a little different in that there is a focus for the guilt (meeting up with an old friend), but it’s the same feeling, guilt
You are probably still married, in your heart, and although you know there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing your heart says “whoa”.
Guilt is normally a pointless and crushing emotion, and is usually caused by inner conflict. You need to try to balance head and heart here to decide what you want.
Don’t know if that makes any sense?

1 Like

Thank you Marlowe13.
I am sorry for your loss. The questions you are asking yourself undoubtedly mean that you were and you did.
I have to say that you’ve struck a cord. I am still married in my head and feel that even meeting up with an old girlfriend, albeit platonic, makes me feel like I’m being unfaithful, which is a totally alien concept to me.
You seem to have correctly identified conflict between my head and heart. Now I must try to deal with that.
Again, thank you and again, so sorry for your loss.