Tomorrow is the first anniversary, yesterday we scattered Richards ashes, and I also bought some home, I am completely lost without him, every morning I awake hoping the pain is manageable, I feel so alone, my best friend fell out with me in January, having told me I was so bloody stupid, because my views weren’t her,s, my oldest granddaughter scammed me out of my savings, which I leant her as she was in such a state, making her promise to pay them back, she had some monies coming, which I now find she has, but she hasn’t spoken to me since that day, telling me as she left I was the best Nan ever, so my trust in people is zero, I’ve become very fearful leaving the house, but hate the loneliness too, Richard would have been heartbroken at how it’s been, at his funeral, Richard words read by his son, said I was the kindest and most selfless person he had known, we we’re together twelve years, and I nursed him for two, I just wish it had been me who had gone, Richard would have coped much better than I am, I am trying to build a life, food has no taste, all joy seems to have evaporated, I lost my youngest son nearly 19 years ago, so I know grief, I know it takes time, I remember then feeling so alone, I know each day is precious, both Richard and Steve would have loved extra time, I feel so guilty, I am just always so tired, Covid hit me in January, and on top of other health issues has left me exhausted, I’ve joined a bereavement group, and try to go once a month, but I cannot let anyone in, I cannot take anymore pain, I know I’ve built up a huge wall, on the outside people see me trying to be smiley, inside I am completely broken, everyone has so much going on in their lives, juggling their time, I’ve sent away to do some volunteer ing, just awaiting checks, that will make me leave the house, fill up some time, I seem to have so much of it, Sorry I am babbling, now I just need to work out how to get through tomorrow, as I will be remembering each moment, you were and always will be my soul mate, I am so lost without you
Dear @Caz6
I can feel the pain in your post and wish I could hug you and say ‘you will get there’.
You are still grieving and grief has no time limits. Covid will have taken it out of you and will affect the way you are feeling too. You have had a lot to cope with in the last year and have had little time to grieve.
Volunteering is a great way to get out and about and meet people. Little thought for you, you can help others on this Community by using your experience to help them by answering posts, look at it as online volunteering. I would not do it all the time as you need to think of your well-being.
You need to take one day at time and be gentle with yourself. Start with baby steps by going for little walks. This may help you and this will set you up for when you leave the house to start your volunteering. It will not be such a big hurdle to leave the house.
You can do this, you are not alone, we are all here to support you and are behind you.
Please take care of yourself.
Pepsi
Thank You so much Pepsi, for sending a reply, I hope your Sunday is going okay, Weekends are hard, sending you a hug, take care x
My dear Caz,
My heart goes out to you; arms around you… I am pleased you are posting here as you will find fellow travellers to buoy you up a little.
I too lost a dearest friend who phoned me and said ‘I can’t keep phoning you, there are other things!’ She had phoned me only twice since my husband had passed…Needless to say, I that is not friendship to me… Other friends have stepped forward you may find and these are selfless people…
Having had COVID you must be very low physically and living this grief is too hard… I have no family as our much-yearned-for son died very early, so that adds another dimension to our loss…
Perhaps just do the basic things each day: nourishing food, a sleep in the day… I have read a few books on grief, but find better words on this site…
Big hugs.
Xx
Bee
Dear Caz6 and Beetango I know how the loneliness feels. People who I thought were friends haven’t even bothered to phone me … not once since my husband died four months ago. Not even to see if I need anything picking up from the shop. You soon realise that the people you think will be there for you aren’t really true friends, but fair weather friends. Those are the people I now realise I can do without in my life. I struggle every day without the person who I once was considered to be his number one priority and he mine. Please both look after youselves as best you can.x
It’s a common thread on here regarding our fair weather friends!
In the beginning I was angry & hurt feeling like sh** – a neighbour (friend?) Of nearly 40 years would text but only to ask to borrow or want a bit gossip, tell me if her life - never supportive. But then, she still has her husband.
Not once, has she asked how I am or to offer help. , & one day the boot will be on the other foot.
I’ve had more support & kind words from this site,
Thankyou. G. X
Dear Loobyloo,
This has made me cry; how long would it take just to look in? We have no expectations of anyone… The website: The School of Life.com and the passages on love and care tell how our special person was all we really needed.
Special people will come up trumps and give us cause to feel a bit less alone…
Big hugs.
Xx
Hugs, and thank you xx
Dear @Caz6
You are very welcome, keep reaching out here. Everyone understands how tough the weekends are. Write about anything and everything, you are not alone. My Sunday is going well thank you, I do hope your Sunday is improving.
Please take care of yourself.
Pepsi x
Dear @Caz6 reading your post has made me realise how fortunate we are to have found this site to help us cope a little better. Like you & others that have replied I too have been let down by those I have supported for years.
My husband was poorly for a long time before passing away last weekend & nobody bothered to ask if I was ok they just wanted the gory details & now he has gone there is nobody to be seen.
I am alone dealing with loss, funeral, notifying banks and so on and it is extremely stressful. I am at the point of stopping any attendees at the funeral and just going myself as I can’t take much more.
Every day is tough but evenings & night time are torture.
Sending you much love and I am sorry you have been let down by those you trusted
Jen x
Dear Jen, how heartbreaking for you, I cared for Richard for two years, we had few visitors during that time, or contact, unless I made it, at his funeral I looked around at all the people, and thought where were you before, I’ve arranged my own funeral, no attendees, no service, a cremation and my ashes to be put with my son, who I lost nearly 19 years ago, I blamed a lot of no contact on Covid, but there are phones, letters etc, I think I was making excuses for Richard, I didn’t want him to know people didn’t care, he was a keen volunteer, always helping others, always caring, today is the Anniversary of his death, I have some of his ashes, I am taking some to were we first met, and will scatter the rest in various places, he adored travelling, being out, making plans, I am lost without him, sending you a big hug, and a huge thankyou x
A few years ago I said I wanted a private funeral & hubby said that would do him too.
We had a very small personal service for him - although I don’t remember much about it.
My reasoning was -. People come out the woodwork to attend funerals and that’s very false. The same people who didn’t call before and haven’t called since.
That speaks volumes to me.
Do what you feel is right for you.
G. Xx
Dear @Grandma
Thank you for your reply, you have confirmed what I already knew but didn’t want to accept. My husband was the most kind & caring man knowing that nobody cares even family is heartbreaking.
I’m going to see Mike tomorrow at the funeral home & I shall tell him that nobody else matters. I will attend his service alone next week knowing that I am not entirely alone as I know he will be right by my side
Jen xx
Dear @Caz6.
I hope your anniversary is a comforting one. Your husband Richard sounds like a very kind man and I understand how hurt you must have felt when people didn’t call. I have come to accept that the world can be very selfish but one thing is a given your husband knows you love him very much and that you continue to do the wonderful things you do for him. Nobody else matters.
Thank you for being such a lovely person
Jen xx