I just hard a very hard time last night and started crying uncontrollably and just needed somewhere to turn to. I just woke up because my illness (migraine and stomach problems) have been triggered by my crying. To summarize my situation. I lost my mum a couple months ago to cancer and dad a few years before also to cancer. My brother and nephew have treated me very badly to which I felt utterly betrayed as I looked after my nephew for years as he was growing up because my mum adopted him. Lost my three aunts (one who was my surrogate gran) over the last year two. I basically lost my aunts on my mums side too as live far away and they have been speaking to my brother and nephew on facebk and have believed their lies and now are not talking to me. I haven’t done what one of them accused me of. That was so hard when I found out. I also don.t have any friends left partly because of my previous hours at my job and my illness and people moving away and being there for my familyetc. I don’t have a partner as I gave up the love of my life the first time my mum had cancer (I was 22 I thought my mum was more important) and I never found anyone else. I have two uncles left one by marriage and my dads brother. Both are quite elderly. My Uncle by marriage just lost my aunt in November. Anyway thats you caught up thanks for reading so far.
I thought despite everything I have been through I was managing to cope but last night my uncle threw me for a loop. I have so little people in my life right now. We have both been supporting each other just talking over the phone very regularly. Anyway last night he phoned me and was basically quite mean to me completely out the blue and was laughing at me. I know he had been drinking and he had his cleaner over for a visit at 8 o’clock. I know he was kind of hyper and showing off for her. But it really hurt, I just feel so broken , I feel that so many people in my life have either betrayed me and shown me unwarranted cruelty of they have died or abandoned me. I try to be a good kind helpful person no matter what and am having a really difficult time coping right now. I am so lost and lonely. I know I will pull myself together and put on a brave face at work because at least I am only part-time now. Talking of work this temp guy who knew my situation (there was a notice up when my mum died at work so everyone knew before I could tell them so I was off for a week) told me to stop moaning and get a family it was very weird as I had never said anything about my situation to him all I said was I missed the music playing and i said it with a smile like a jokey moan. I never told him about my stuff only told my boss and a few people that I have known for years. Had to talk to someone but work friends tend to be only at work. It was a really horrid thing to say i didn’t say anything back was just shocked. I am finding everything really hard right now. My eyes hurt with crying. Think if I won lottery would go for a counselling retreat. I really need something like that. I think a lot of people on here do.
There are so many of us on here who have been through so much., not only bereavement but all the stuff that comes with it. And it leaves us so vulnerable. Anyway I just needed some space for a wee moan and to share my heartache. 'Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope that you are doing as well as you can in your circumstances.