Finding my new 'normal'.

My kind, generous, supportive, wonderful husband died in May 2017. At first, like all of you, I simply didn’t know how to deal with it. He’d been ill with bowel cancer for 18 months, and the chemo didn’t cure it.

Tears followed me every day at first and it’s only now, after 8 months that I have some tear free days.

I decided to try bereavement counselling, provided by the hospital and the lovely lady helped me think through my feelings and emotions. She said it was about finding my new ‘normal’, and how right she was.

I realise I have at last turned a corner. I know I must take action to rid myself of this dreadful loneliness. I’m going to seek a voluntary role, through ‘’, as I need to interact with people. Most days I don’t speak to anyone and that’s not good. I need to focus on someone else’s problems rather than my own.

I’ll report back when I find my new ‘normal’, whatever it might be.

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Hi Linda,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your husband. It sounds as though this has been a very overwhelming and emotional time for you. I’m glad that you’ve had some good support from the hospital and are starting to feel that you’ve turned a corner.

I think ‘new normal’ is a good description, as things will never go back to how they were before, but you can learn to find some positive things and get some enjoyment out of life again. Thanks for sharing this, as I think it some of our other bereaved users will find it helpful to hear your experiences.

Well done on looking for volunteering work - that’s a great step to take, and I expect your husband would be proud of you. Lots of people find it a good way to build their confidence and make new people. We also have lots types of volunteering roles for Sue Ryder all over the country, if you are interested: Search for a volunteer role.

Hello Linda,

I can so relate to your comments, and I am truly sorry for your loss. Its now 3 months since my husband died, we were happily married for 47 wonderful years, and I miss him until my whole body aches.

Its so wonderful to read something positive, and it gives me a glimmer of hope for the future too.

I am on a waiting list for bereavement counselling, I think its about a 12 week wait, but to be honest, I was just too “raw” to get involved with counselling up until now.

I hope your voluntary work goes really well for you, I think it will be good to be involved with something, and be of help to others. Just wanted you to know you have helped me a little this morning.

Best wishes & a big hug…….Elaine

I’m glad I helped a little, Elaine.

Every single bereavement is different and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. I’m looking forward to starting a new 'project; there has to more to the rest of my life than day-time TV, although it can be comforting on a dark, wet winter day!

I know I need to interact with others, and come out of hibernation to face the world. But it’s taken me 8 months to get to this point.

I hope you find your new ‘normal’, when you’re ready to start looking.

Warm wishes,


Thanks for your reply, Priscilla.

I’m looking forward to starting this next phase of my life, even though I feel a bit anxious about it. I know I must go at my own pace and not feel pressured, but when I find the right ‘project’ my instincts will let me know.

Warm wishes,

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Hi Linda
I lost my husband a year ago and have been volunteering since September. It certainly helps me to feel useful and to get out and meet new people. It has really helped me adjust to the new me. I hope you enjoy your new volunteering role.

Hi Linda I am so sorry to read about your loss but your comments have lifted my heart as I too am looking for a new normal and it has helped so much to read your sad but positive comments. I lost my husband of 38yrs in Oct and miss him terribly I have just been offered some counselling and was unsure whether to accept as I have never used a service like that but having read your comments I will definitely give it a try now. Thank you so much for sharing your positivity it makes me realise I too will move forward.

Hi Jane, I was unsure about the value of the counselling, but it was helpful in so many ways. We didn’t simply discuss sadness and bereavement, it was much wider than that. It helped me work out how and why I was reacting and set me on the path to my new ‘normal’. It was such a helpful thing to focus on and so relevant for me.
I hope you start your counselling soon, and that it helps.

Thanks so much Linda it is good to know there is a positive future. I have shied away from using this site saying it wasn’t my sort of thing but you have really encouraged me thank you and I hope your journey to a new normal stays positive.