Finding work a struggle

Hi everyone.
I’m in need of some advice from others who know how I feel please.
Mum died 7 weeks ago and we’re still waiting for postmortem results which is driving me crazy. I had 5 weeks off work in total but that included the 2 weeks mum was intensive care. I work in retail have done for many years, I stepped down from being a manager in January this year it was too stressful, I’m now a shift manager, my new manager got suspended in September before mum was taken ill then she quit before they sacked her. It’s been a struggle at work for everyone, but my problem is they still haven’t got is a manager, as soon as I went back area manager asked me to do it, I refused telling him my head not in the right place to be doing that and I didn’t want lots of hours.
I never realised how painful it is to loose a parent, my mum was my best friend and I miss her so much it hurts. I have really bad days but my partner and grown children are a god send. Just gone back after 2 days off and the staff are arguing between themselves, all coming to me to sort their problems and I can’t deal with it, come home in a state today, I know it’s early days but everyday is so hard I don’t need this extra stress, I need to talk to the management but really feel like I’m moaning and whining and all they want is the shop to stay open and someone to run it. I’m snapping at staff then feel really bad.
Anybody else been the same when gone back to work?
Michelle x

Oh gosh yes. In fact I’ve lost my agency work as I had become unreliable. I work with children with behaviour problems. I was at work a few weeks ago and a boy hit me in the face. Spat at me and then bit me. I burst into tears and left work that day and haven’t been back since. My other job is a youth worker in a youth centre for children of the ministry of defence. And that’s 8 hours a week and that is literally all I can cope with right now.

Your work sounds far too stressful for your fragile mind and those problems at work probably are meaningless to you right now. Can you get a drs note for some more time off. If they are going to put you under that stress and not be understanding then get signed off for a bit longer b

Losing a parent is hideous. Unimaginable pain

Thank you for replying. I never thought it would be like this, every day is so difficult but I’m trying so hard.
I had a breakdown at work last week told my area manager I wasn’t coping he sending someone in next Monday to see me but that’s not going to help. When I start telling people my problems at work I think I sound petty so end up saying nothing. I also feel I would be leaving them in the lurch at Xmas if I went off sick. I feel they will think I should be over it by now and should get in with it. Then think I’ll wait till new year see how I feel but then something small happens and I know I’m over emotional at the moment but then I feel like walking out.
So stressed.