My dad passed away unexpectedly 3 months ago, we were like best friends, I was like the female version of him and we were always very close and I really leaned on my dad for support. The void not having him there is huge and I feel so lost at times. I’m a single mum and have been dating someone for a year, who’s lovely and was there for me at the time, but just not capable of being there for me as strong support. I have just had 10days solid of feeling awful then just coming out now, does anyone have any tips to find your zest for life again? The dr has given me antidepressants but I’m scared it will only mask the grief and then it will come back when I come off them with a vengeance. I want to heal and find myself being too vulnerable to end the fairly casual relationship I have because I need someone right now and at the same time want stronger support. Dreading xmas so I’m pretending it isn’t a thing when my kids have gone to their dads and the guy I’m seeing wants to come over. I’m scared I’ll have some sort of breakdown!
Hello @Drawmer ,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds as though things are very difficult for you at the moment and you are feeling lost and feel as though there is a void in your life without him. This is so difficult while remaining strong for your own family.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You may also find this Sue Ryder article useful, take a read when you feel ready. Losing a parent - coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder
Take care - keep reaching out,
Alex
Hi @Drawmer to be honest, if you’re 3 months into your grief journey you can expect your feelings to be up and down for a while yet. I wouldn’t be in a hurry to move on, just go with how you feel. I lost my Mum 9 months ago and I know I am still struggling with the impact. Obviously everyone grieves in their own way and in their own timeline but losing a parent is a pretty devastating experience. I know it’ll take me a long time to regain any semblance of peace and happiness again. Give yourself time and space. Take care xx
Thank you, yes I think I desperately want to feel normal again but it’s not going to happen over night. Sorry to hear about your mum. You know it’s something that is going to happen one day, something I always dreaded, but I can’t believe just how devastating it is in reality. Just trying to find the balance between grief and life! Thanks again for your kind words, sending love x
Hi @Drawmer, i lost my Mum suddenly in May and I felt like this too in August, desperate to feel some relief inside but finding it impossible. It feels like its just as painful as it was at first but your starting to be frustrated with yourself at rarely feeling yourself and not finding any joy or happiness in normal things that make you glad? I think this gradually gets better as time goes on, for example, am able to do more socially now at 5 months since she passed, esp. hobbies i love that take me out myself into company and physical activity. Just some days I feel hit by an overwhelming sadness. I know myself that life can’t help but keep moving forward. I find it worse to be alone (but i live alone and wfh) so i would say take company where u can, especially if u can see people who also knew your Dad? I find this helps as there is a mutual loss of a friend. Seen my mum’s friend and colleague by chance at the weekend, we chatted and it felt reassuring. Just keep going, but be gentle on yourself. Best wishes, take care xx
Thanks Juniper8, so sorry you lost your mum and glad you saw her friend and colleague recently. It does give comfort I agree, it’s strange sometimes a memory gives me comfort and sometimes it upsets me as it’s all I have now. Do you find you have moments of unbearable disbelief and sadness and it’s quite scary? Then you have moments of being ok again? I wonder sometimes if I should take the antidepressants to take that edge off, I’m just not sure what to do for the best. It’s good to hear even the smallest things get a little easier even after 5 months. Sending you love, thanks so much for your reply it helps xx
Hiya @Drawmer yes, for sure there have been these unbearable times where I know I can’t right what happened, or reverse it to make myself feel better, times when I felt like am living my worst nightmare. My Mum has gone and at times I can’t bear this. But the feeling passes. Doesn’t go away completely, but you start to find things easier. I’ve felt really angry too, at nothing in particular, just that life seems less worthwhile. But this feeling happens less often with time, i promise! I’ve never found change easy but now there are more changes to deal with, which is hard too. I think antidepressants are good short term. If they can help lift you up to do day to day so you can deal with things you need to do? I’ve taken them for years, so feel slightly unsure if they help me atm but went from nearly coming off them to going back on a regular dose. I couldn’t be without them just now, but this is normal for me with big life upsets. Maybe a low dose would help if your feeling really bogged down and sad? It isn’t the worst idea and they’re not so bad short term. Some are hard to come off, like SNRIs bit SSRIs are ok. Take care, and hoping you can see some lighter times soon xx