First birthday without my husband

It’s my 60th today. Had a wonderful day, friends over in the morning, the house was decorated with bunting by my daughter. Taken to see Dream Girls at Savoy theatre, cocktail at the Savoy, then dinner at the Ivy in Soho. Lots of thoughtful presents too. But all i could think about was “my husband would have loved this” It was a perfect day by anyone’s standard, and I should be happy, but just got into bed and all I want to do is cry. I cannot show my daughter or anyone this, it’s just me wanting something i will never have again, my lovely Paul to share my day with. I can never be 100% happy again, it scares me, this feeling of pretend happiness for other people!

Dear Mrs O
I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and,like everyone else here, understand how you feel…Nothing now is ever as it was but love still exists in other forms …you must be very loved for your family and friends to give you as special a birthday as they could. It doesn’t take the pain and longing away and each of us copes in our own way… putting on a facade to hide our true feelings…it seems to be just what we do…but here you know everyone understands and it is a place to offload whenever you feel the need. Try to think of how proud your husband would be that you carried it off so well .I wish I could give you a better answer but I send you my best wishes…for your birthday and the future. Take care x

Thank you, yes you are right, I’m very lucky to have them all. thank you for your lovely reply, my husband would be so proud of my daughter, who supports me so much and I will try to remember your kind words. Best Wishes

Dear MrsO
Like you I lost my husband of 51yrs 30.9.18 when Dave should have been coming home, Even with friends and family around I hurt and feel alone all the time.Although I put on a face for everyone and they think I am coping well. In the mornings I feel sick and I just sit and stare at the TV. I miss Dave so much as we had a fabulous life together. This is the only place I put my true feelings down I am sure you find this site very helpful as I do. My birthday is in february and I am dreading it. Please keep in touch Queenie