First Christmas & Birthday without Mum

I feel completely lost today. I lost my mum to lung cancer on the 17th of November this year. She had intially complained three weeks prior of toothache, and within a week of being diagnosed with lung cancer had passed away. She was only 59. Christmas day is my birthday, I’ve only just turned 26. We had her funeral last week due to issues getting her death certificate issued. I’m still in utter shock and I have absolutely no idea what to do. We have had to face a few firsts very quickly after her death, and I still feel like I haven’t accepted she has gone at all. Everyone said the funeral would help, but it didn’t. I didn’t find any closure. Once we have received her ashes they will be interned at a beautiful memorial wood, underneath a sweet chestnut tree. I still have both my Grandma’s, and everyone I know, young or old, still has their mum. There really isn’t a pain like it.


Hi. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, that must’ve been a huge shock given how quickly she passed after diagnosis. I am in a similar position- I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer on 30th Nov it was less than 2 weeks between diagnosis and her dying. I find myself feeling a bit lost. I don’t know how much the funeral helped me either. You’re so right - I’ve never felt pain like this in my life. Everyone says it gets less painful but I can’t see how at the moment xx


Hi Holly,

I’m very sorry for the loss of your mum.

I lost my dad on 15th November, 8 weeks after a cancer diagnosis. The only symptom dad had was back ache and to find out it was advanced cancer was life shattering.

My dad is my best friend and the person I was closest to in the world. I am older than you at 36 but I am finding the shock and speed at which dad passed very traumatic and difficult to accept. I find myself incredibly sad, angry and confused. I honestly feel like my heart will never mend.

I also didn’t feel any sense of closure after dad’s funeral. The only way I can describe the feeling is like someone just came and removed dad from our lives and he was gone in what feels like a split second. This is difficult to accept as dad was / is my world and the centre of our family.

I also don’t have any friends who have lost parents yet. Dad passed at 70 but I thought he and my mum live well into their 80’s. The pain is unbearable.

There are lots of people here who understand. If you ever want to chat please feel free to message.


1 Like

So sorry you lost your beautiful mum. And at only 59. Sending all the love. I lost my dad when he was just 58 and my mum this year also. My heart breaks for your pain but know you are not alone here. This is a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings. Xx

Sorry for the loss of your Mum. I lost my Mum in June last year after an 18 month battle with pancreatic cancer. She was 71. 7 months later and the immense emotional pain has subsided, leaving just a sadness and longing. Christmas was hard. I suspect it will be a good few months before things start to feel better for you, but they will gradually. The sadness and emptiness never fully leaves you though, I think.
Sending love.

Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about your Mum.
I’m on here because I’ve just suddenly lost my Dad, but like you I was young when I lost my Mum to undiagnosed cancer. I was 20, she was 54. She had been experiencing symptoms and was having tests but being fobbed off. It wasn’t until Dad took her to A&E and refused to take her home that they admitted her. The following night she went into a coma because her cancer was metastatic and affecting all her organs; her body began shutting down. It wasn’t until this happened that they actually scanned her and broke the news to us. She never regained consciousness to be told the diagnosis herself. I was the oldest and my 2 brothers were still school age.
I understand how much of a shock it is and how it feels so unfair that older ladies still have their Mums. It really hurts.
As I’ve mentioned, I’ve just found this website as I’ve suddenly and unexpectedly lost my Dad. I’m so devastated that neither of them made it to retirement age. So many wasted plans.
Selfishly, it hurts that people my age have parents and grandparents. It embarrasses me to say I’m jealous.
I’m just devastated to be honest. Not sure I can do this again. I’m older now (in my thirties) and have a husband and children so I have distractions to keep me going, but it’s hard.
Do you have other family? Maria x