Hi all, so today was my first day back working. Luckily it was at home as all I have managed to do is sob uncontrollably all day, what would take me an hour usually has taken me all day. I used to love my job now it’s another pressure to be part of a world that I no longer feel part of 
I’m still in my pj’s not even showered. I’m going to log off and go and see Lee’s parents as it’s the only comfort I seem to get when I feel this incredible sadness and pain in my heart. Hope you are all doing okay today? I’ve played our songs today and for the first time felt some comfort when I haven’t been able to listen before. I have been trying to get counselling but seems I have to be 8 weeks along before I can access that 
I feel like I’m getting worse not better, I am not sure if I am somehow feeling the acceptance he isn’t coming back as I’ve felt until now as if I’m waiting for something to happen and can’t explain what it is.
Hello. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and there are many of us here to listen when you need to offload or share anything.
You are taking steps at your own pace and I think that sounds good.
Take care, sending hugs x
Thank you for your kind words xx
I am very sorry for your loss and you are more than welcome x
You are a matter of a few weeks in after losing your soulmate so I for one am just amazed that you have been able to do anything. I’m not sure if this is correct but you seem to be expecting enormous things from yourself when really even just getting out of bed or taking a shower is something for you to feel good about.
Don’t underestimate how tough this journey is,it’s really a minute or hour at a time but here you are making big demands on yourself,be kind and patient with yourself,focus on you and your grief and cry as much as you need to.
I so admire you in what you are trying to achieve with work but please put yourself first,do as you said you would and look for people or things that help you,losing someone like you have isn’t an easy thing to cope with so focus on you. Wishing you strength and best wishes.
Wow, you sound amazing. I was told no counselling until 12 weeks- the Dove Service and then you have to go on a waiting list. They say the natural grieving process is 12 weeks. I am paying privately. Big hugs and I think you are doing really well. Xx
@Foreveryoung81 I’m amazed you managed to get any work done. So much admiration for you.
I’m starting counselling this week, I’m paying for it though.
I hope it help.
Thank you, I don’t know if it’s the right thing work but also I know that I can’t sit at home and not do anything it’s just eating me up. Lucky for me work have said to take it hour by hour and so as much or little as I want. I know it’s early days but each day seems to last forever and that realisation every morning is heartbreaking I don’t know how I’ll ever get through it.
Thank you 
I don’t feel I’m doing amazing but I have no way to judge. It was online counselling, GP has nowhere to refer to these days apparently which is crazy isn’t it! X
Well it took a while but I did manage to get paperwork done so that’s a start right? I have such a lovely team of people at work which makes it easier and I really did love my job. I can but try, and if I have a day I can’t well I’ll take that and I’ll rest. Keep on keeping on as my beautiful boy would have said 
Hi I feel the same as you, everyone telling me how strong I am and how amazing I’m doing. It’s been 8 weeks since I lost my amazing hubby. I was due to go back yesterday but couldn’t do it. I’m giving myself 2 more weeks then I’ll go back. My job is customer facing so it’s making me really anxious and the time of the year couldn’t be worse for us. I’m thinking of doing a phased return to ease me back in but then again I only do 4 or 5 hour shifts. Sending hugs to you.
Thank you, today I actually went in to the office and had a much better day. It felt more normal and I could be wrapped up in that world for a short time. Leaving to come home knowing I don’t have plans was hard but it’s a step forward and the best day I’ve had so far x
That’s lovely news, well you know what I mean better news. I’m popping into my workplace again today, baby steps.x
I hope it goes well for you, I’m not putting any pressure on myself and taking it as it comes. Tomorrow might be another bad one but at least I know there can be slightly better ones. I just keep hearing Lee cheering me on with his proud ways xx
Hi I’m literally popping in and it will be quiet this time of day. It’s weird because I speak to Steve everyday and ask him things, like am I doing ok? Am I doing you proud? I follow a psychic on Instagram and it’s like he answers through her. I know the messages are for anyone but it brings me comfort. Two good days on the trot would be fab but if you are like me I’m taking day by day sometimes hour by hour.x
Yes that’s exactly it, never know when it will wash over you. Tbh this is my first good day, before today was literally a good moment. And if it brings you comfort then why not, I am very much a spiritualist and believe so I get comfort from that too x
One of the girls in work and just said to me, ooh how lovely to see a little bit of a smile. Hopefully there will be more of them to come I’m drained with the rollercoaster of emotions and tears. I’m hoping to see a psychic soon.x
It’s so hard isn’t it as I almost feel guilty for smiling, but then I know he would want me to and even when it’s there it’s fleeting. But it’s a start 
have to hope that as the days, weeks and months go by we can smile again at the memories of our loved ones more than we cry. I had a horrible moment earlier where my phone pinged and I thought it was him, the realisation swept me off my feet. I am worried that if I do too much too soon everyone will just think ooo she’s okay now and then more and more pressure is added. Already got piled with something today and was literally a couple of hours in the office (always one!) but this is about us now and taking our time and being kind to ourselves I suppose. I need to speak up more and be honest, I find talking on the phone a no no at the moment and no idea why I just watch it ring off 
Definitely speak up, people think because you smile and function you are ok. I was walking passed a house earlier and saw a family putting a tree up and I started crying, thinking I’ll have to do that this year without him. I never used to answer the phone with unknown numbers now I’ve had weeks of it all to do with him passing and it’s making me stupidly anxious.x
It’s so odd how some things just catch you off guard isn’t it , I used to love the build up to Christmas planning where we would go and the cold winter walks with the lights and hot chocolates as we walked along. I feel awful as I know my youngest is gearing up to it all and I’m just not ready for it and don’t even what to think about any of it atm. Not sure it’ll ever be a happy time again but this year will definitely be so hard, how do you smile and celebrate when inside you are screaming. I wish time would stop tbh as the time goes on the harder it is to accept I’ve not seen or heard his voice for 5 weeks. I can’t blame others, I’m sure when we used to have those wonderful moments people that we have become were oblivious to us then. Life is such a rollercoaster and I wish I could press pause but we have to keep up somehow x