I know that people always say that ‘the firsts’ are the hardest, ive done a fair few already, first birthday, Christmas etc but Fathers Day is creepy up and im hating it. Ive seen it starting to creep into shops the past couple of weeks but i popped into my local shop after work today and right by the queue for the till the stand of Fathers Day cards had appeared, i just wasn’t prepared for it, last week i deliberately avoided the aisle in tesco where i knew all the stuff would be and i know i can’t avoid it forever.
Its strange really cos we never made a huge fuss of the day, having lived the other side of the country from my parents for the past 20 years i rarely saw him on fathers day but i always sent a card and present (probably something he didn’t want ) and a text and phone call but now i can’t see or speak to him i want to even more. Both myself and my husband have that day off and we chatted tonight about maybe going to the coast that day for a couple of hours, i know there will be families around but the coast is my happy/relaxing place and i don’t just want to hide away in the house all day.
I know im rambling, i just wondered if any of you lovely people are having the same dreaded thoughts about the day and how you are planning on coping with it?
Same here - first Father’s Day, Dad died in April so still pretty raw and we lost my Grandad in September so it feels like a double punch to the guts.
Not sure yet what we’re going to do as we still have my Father in law to celebrate and I don’t want to take away from his day but I’m dreading it.
Trying to avoid it but walked into the supermarket tonight and it was all there right at the front.
Sorry I don’t have any advice or help but sending you love and hope you find a way through the day
@marzipan wow it will still be very raw for you, i lost my Dad in October only 3 weeks before his birthday, we hadnt even had his funeral so i found that pretty heart breaking
My father in law passed before i even met my husband so he was close to my Dad they got on brilliantly.
I guess noone can really help, we all just have to find the right way for us but i do find comfort and strength on here which is just what you need some days.
Hope you find a way through the dreaded day too, sending you love
Just wanted to say, it was my husband’s birthday recently so I bought him a card. Looking through them, choosing one, made me feel happy for a while. When the day came round I couldn’t write on it and I became very low. But if you find all those card displays for Fathers Day difficult to encounter, well just get him a card.
I also feel uneasy about Father’s Day. Similar to yourself, a lot of the “firsts” have already happened, Christmas, NY, Dad’s birthday and all of our families birthday’s each one very tough but Father’s Day has been something I have dreaded since losing Dad.
My Dad never cared about his own birthdays but I always made a fuss of him and this was also the case for Father’s Day. Last year on Father’s Day we didn’t even know dad was sick and I gave him his card when we were traveling for holiday. I don’t know how so much can change in a year, it still blows my mind and Father’s Day is another occasion that Dad is no longer here for.
I miss my dad everyday and my thoughts on Father’s Day have changed a bit and i am now approaching it in a similar way to the worry I felt about the six month anniversary of his passing. I’ll miss my Dad no more on these occasions than I do every other day. When I think of it like that it kind of takes away some of the hold that the day has over me, but, I was very upsett on the six month anniversary and no doubt I will on Father’s Day too.
When I was worried about Dad’s birthday at the begining of the year a lovely response from someone on here said that they put up the cards they had sent to their Dad in years gone by. I will buy my Dad a card, like on his birthday as he is my Dad, always will be and I want to celebrate him always. He is so precious to me.
I am debating taking myself and my dog off for a night away. Walking helps me a lot and I like the idea of just having a bit of peace.
I am sure we can help to support each other on here too. We will get through it like we have so far.
@Lostdaughter yep, I too have done a few firsts as you put it. Dad died a week before his Birthday & a couple of weeks before my own. I did think of just ignoring the day but my lovely young nephew has suggested we do something together to mark the occasion which I thought was a nice gesture. I’m not looking fwd to it. My mum’s Birthday is next month also & the first without him so that’ll be another milestone. I hope you find something you can do to get thru the day & everyone else going thru the same. X
I’ve been feeling a bit anxious about father’s day coming up too. I was sort of prepared for seeing cards in the shops but I’ve been getting ads for fathers day presents etc on my social media when i’m on my phone too which i wasnt expecting at all. I skip quickly past them.
I’ve just realised i am booked to go to visit a friend and her family that weekend, which i guess will be a good distraction but I hope I don’t get upset when at their place.
Its good being able to share with people on this forum. Sending you all best wishes.
Hi I lost my dad 5 days ago. After a long illness and its the most devastating time of my life. And yes fathers day cards and presents everywhere is another constant reminder of the huge loss i feel
Im sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away 31st Jan 23. So my first father’s day too. I think I might buy him a card and burn it when written. Sounds grim but we always burned our Christmas lists as a child to send to Santa. Just feel it would be a good tribute.
Just remember, its ok to not be ok x
@CazzNicole im sorry for your loss, its a horrible journey grief isnt it.
That doesnt sound grim at all its like a ritual from your childhood and it may even bring you comfort.
We are coming up to the 8 month anniversary next week, im working that day so hopefully that will take my mind off it alot but seeing all the fathers day stuff in shops is hard. I try not to be hard on myself on bad days.
Hope you are coping okay. Sending love
@Lostdaughter Thank you for your message. That was my first reply using this support group and it does feel nice knowing I am not alone.
Although my siblings are going through the same grief as me it does feel that we cannot do this together. Maybe we all grieve a different way as they dont want to talk about Dad and I do. So even as 1 of 4 children, the grief can feel like a lonely thing to experience.
@CazzNicole i find this site reallg welcoming and feel less alone.
Snap, im the youngest of 4 and we are all grieving differently and dont really talk about our feelings whereas i believe that talking helps. Grief definitely feels lonely especially as its a different process for us all.
Feel free to reach out whenever you need/want to. I hope you have support at home too tho xx