Hi, I lost my husband 14 months ago and I really don’t think time heals. I miss him more than ever and just feel so lost and alone all the time. Does anyone else feel like this?
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Hi Jen,
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m 9 months without my soulmate and although I’ve become a little stronger, tears are always just under the surface, I miss him so very much and feel like half the person I was.
It just hurts so much,and I feel very lonely even when around people and am completely lost without my love.
Sending you a hug
Muldool
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Thank you for replying, it means a lot. Do you find that even if you’re with people it’s not the person you want and so you still feel so alone? I stayed with my best friend when my husband was in a hospice so I could get to see him every day as she lived nearby. As my husband neared the end she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died exactly 5 months after Lee. I miss them both so much. I really don’t quite know how to cope. Sending love and hugs. xxx
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Hi Jen18,
You have been through so much it’s not surprising that you don’t know how to cope. You have lost two best friends in such a short time. In answer to your question in your original post about feeling lost and alone the answer is yes. Even when in company. My husband died six months ago and I am finding it really difficult. We were together fifty years. I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s gone from ‘us’ to ‘I’ and it just doesn’t feel right and I know that will never alter.
Take care.x
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Hi @jen18, so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, and losing your friend too, my heart goes out to you.
I agree with you, Tha time doesn’t heal. Perhaps the word ‘heal’ isn’t the right word to use. We just learn to live with this heartbreak, t remains within us forever, but we do find strength to carry on, and I think it’s actually the wonderful unique love we shared with our soul mates that helps us cope and make it through each day. He is with me, in me, all the time, I talk to him and discuss everything with him, because for me “he’s still here” (like Faith Hill sings in her beautiful song),always will be.
Take care
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Hi @Muldool, your words are so precise. I remember the the first thing I said to my mum when she phoned me the day after the funeral: “I m a half person”.Did she understand? Of course not. Haven’t mentioned those words to her anymore, (even though that’s what I am), she would only irritate me with her replies. I also get that feeling of "feeling lonely in a crowd."For example, when I’m in a supermarket (I go very early in the mornings to avoid the rush) , I just hate walking around all those people, I hurry and can’t wait to get back home.
Take care.
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Hi @Loobyloo2, I understand the sadness of being “I” and no longer “we” or “us”.I do have my kids and my parents who care about me, but the one person who was always there to reassure me, knowing he would always look after me, my advisor, my comfort, my pillar, is missing now, so I feel so vulnerable, so incomplete, both physically and mentally. That special empathy you have with yoursoulmate is incomparable, isn’t it?
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Oh dear Jen! That must have been so hard for you, losing your best friend so soon after your husband.
Life can be so unfair and cruel!
Yes, I do feel lonely, even when surrounded by people because nobody got me the way Pete did, he would always know what I was thinking and was always by my side usually holding my hand.
That closeness and affection is something that can never be replaced.
My sister, brother in law wre here with me for the weekend and I’ve been crying a lot since they left because seeing them so happy together reminds me of what I’ve lost.
I try to be strong because I know Pete would want me to try to be happy but it’s just so difficult.
I miss him so much.
Love and hugs
Muldool
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Hi Mudool. Reading your reply, it could be me . 9 months now with out my life partner. Tears still come easily, if I hear a sad song, see other young children with their grandad to name a few instances. I said the other day I feel like half my soul is missing. Does that sound dramatic. I am lonely in my soul as well as my physical being.
Sending you a hug too.
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HI Jen18
Yes I feel the same as you, I lost my life partner 9 months ago, but now feel even more emotional that I did a few months ago. I feel so alone in mind and body. I cry easily. Since Feb 2020 life has turned upside down. My daughter was very ill and had major surgery and had mental health issues since. my son emigrated to other side of Cananda, covid and then my husband developed stage 4 bowel cancer in June 2020 and fought a hard long fight until No 2021. All through this my husband was the strong silent back stop in my life, now I am expected to be the leader. We did everything together.
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Hi Jen18,i am 8 months down the line and agree with you time doesn’t seem to heal, it feels really strange as I feel I am getting better at covering up my grief with certain people than I used to, but underneath I feel as its getting worse to carry on like I am being false day in and day out, like putting on a face, saying I’m not to bad, but really I’m feeling really Shit underneath, I’m more exhausted as each day goes on doing all this, and wonder am I going to be able to put this face on much longer, as sometimes I get in the house and just breakdown and cry, and cry and cry, but on the face of it all people think I am getting over it, but I am not, they don’t realise (Unless they have experienced losing there partner) I will never get over losing my beautiful loving wife. Take care Mickere x
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I know how you feel, coming back to the house is awful and alone
people do not understanit is my 61st anniversary today my son is goiong to Norfolk but will not take me saying there is no room I know there is
it would have helped me to get out of here for 3 days
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That’s so sad and I agree it would have helped you to get away with your son for a few days. Unless people have been in this situation they really don’t understand how alone and depressed you feel. I have a daughter and granddaughter very close by but don’t see them for months. it’s so difficult when a long term partner suddenly just isn’t there.
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Hi mickere,
I know what you mean, I’m good at hiding my grief as other people really don’t want to know which I understand as if you haven’t lost a partner you have no idea. I still find it very hard to sleep and stay in bed until late afternoon playing on our ipad as I have nothing to get up for any more. My friends want me to do more but they have no idea how I feel without the love of my life. Most things just seem so unimportant now and when couples I know fall out I have to say you’re lucky to still have each other so work it out o ryou’ll regret it. Take care. Jennie
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Yes, I talk to my husband all the time. It was our anniversary last week and I thought, no, it IS our anniversary. Not the same but he will always be my husband and he’s the person who made me what I am today and changed me from a bit of a lost person. He’ll always be with me but wish it just wasn’t in spirit only. x
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@jen18, those words 'he made me what I am today, changed me from a lost person ", unbelievably resonate with me so much. I always say this about our relationship too, thanks to him I came out of that shell of ignorance, opened my eyes to the world, learned so much, his knowledge, wisdom, taught me how to handle problematic situations. I’m so afraid now that this better part of me has gone with him, I haven’t just lost my soulmate, I’ve lost myself too.
Take care.
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today i AM SOBBING
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Hi,
Iam new here, I lost Ray in March and I haven’t stopped crying. We have been together 54 years. Everyone was around at 1st but they have their own lives so now 
. I have been trying to get appropriate counseling but it is so hard. My daughter suggested Sue Ryder so here I am. Hoping to communicate with people who actually understand losing you!
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I lost my husband 6 months ago in front of me. suddenly,.
nobody cab understand the pain,. sayiing I should get over iI did not find couselling any help
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I certainly do feel like that. six months for me. they just do not understand the pain
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