Lost my husband 22nd Feb at the young age of 34. He had liver failure due to an illness that attacked he’s liver. He had a liver transplant 9 years ago and was extremely unlucky to have the same condition return. I plod on most days as mum mode as have a 10, 6 and 4 year old. But worry I haven’t truly grieved the loss. I hear so many people tell me how strong I am and how well I did to support and look after him but these comments just wind me up. Of course I have no choice to be strong I have 3 little monsters eyes watching me and how I react. This is the first time I’ve joined anything to do with the loss and not sure what I’m wanting from this, sorry
Hi Tracy so sorry for your loss .its awful he sounds like he had been through alot .you all must of has a family .your probably still in great shock .i think you need to chat and to people who understand .nice to come on and chat be kind to yourself much love zoe
Hi Tracy you must be having a difficult time not being able to grieve the the way you want. I also get bothered when someone tells me I am strong when at the moment you don’t feel strong, but you have no other choibece with children not to
Hi Tracyb4360 I know exactly what you mean I lost my daughter in October 21 she was 36, iam no soul carer to her 3 daughter they are older then your children, I get the same thing said to me how well am doing, I have no choice and wouldn’t want them anywhere else there where Amy wanted them to be, but sometimes want to scream at them that I walk around the big black hole during the day and fall into it at night time, big hugs to you and your family xx
Sorry Tracy I met you have no other choice but to be strong because you have children to look out after.
There are no right or wrong ways or timeframes when it comes to grief. From all the posts I have read on here, and from my own experiences, all of us deal with it in our own way, although we may have a lot of emotions in common.
In your situation it must be really hard to find time for yourself to even think about your loss because I would think that most of your time is taken with just doing the day to things as the mother of 3 young children. By the time they are in bed, you must feel exhausted both mentally and physically.
You have been through so much. If people tell you you are so strong,they probably mean it as a compliment, and they cannot see what goes on on in your heart. I do hope that you are getting practical support from friends and family, and that you have at least one person you can totally trust and share your feelings with.
This site is a good place to connect with others who understand what grief is, although there may not be that many young women in the same situation as you, but if you type ‘widow and young’ in the search option it will bring up posts and replies from other women who lost their partner at a young age. Some of them mention this website as a very helpful resource: https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/about-us/
I think they also have a Facebook page. Another resource you may find helpful is: https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/support-for-you/family-life/bereavement-support/widowed-young-support/
Sending you a big virtual hug. xx Jo
Thank you all for your kind messages.
I def feel after so long seeing him so poorly it’s hoping he is finally out of pain and in a better place. I spend so much time trying to find signals from him to believe that one day we will be back together. I know sounds silly but it’s all I need to know he ok and out of pain and still with me.
I definitely do not get much time to myself and I feel that helps me to keep going too. My kids are in enough pain with loosing him that do not need to see my pain too.
It’s taken me a while to join any kind of sites as thought it may bring me down but suppose the comfort to have people who know the pain and can talk to makes me feel better.
Thank you al for your kind words
I am sorry for the loss. I am in a similar situation now responsible for my grandaughter. My daughter died in March from cancer and has left us devastated. How do we carry on. Xx
JaneW22 so sorry for the lose of your daughter I don’t know how we carry on, for the grandchildren they need us now more then ever I know without them I don’t think I would still be here, will light a candle for your beautiful daughter sending you big hugs xx
Sorry to read about having your husband taken from you. I can’t say I know how you feel as for me my grief is for my daughter. But I do know what it’s like to be in so much pain but having to be strong for your children. I have 3 other children and my youngest is 11 he’s struggling so much with his grief and the school aren’t helping at all. I feel like we’ve just been handed a leaflet and left to deal with it all alone. I’ve only recently joined (2 days ago) so like you this is the first time I’ve expressed my self in anyway without having to watch what I say or how I say it in fear of causing my children more pain. I really do hope you can find some comfort on here like I have been
Hi just joined today lost Owen my partner of 15 years to cancer
Hi @Gwen.21, I’m sorry for your loss so close together. My husband died in March 21 after a combination of medical conditions and I still can’t get my head round the fact he has gone and I won’t see him again. My mum has been gone 22 years ago now, she had cancer too.
I hope you find this community helps you, there are some lovely people on here and we have all lost someone very special to us and know everything you are going through.
Hi Debbie thanks for your reply it is difficult to cope without the two of them but will get through it have a good bervment concellor to help me its 12 .moth on Saturday 4 june since .my mother died so will buy flowers and light candles for her take care.
I see from your post that you joined us today and that you already had some replies. It is good that you have found us. We are all on here because we have lost loved ones. In your profile I can see that you have had two major losses last year, your long term partner and your mother. That is double hard. I am glad for you that you have the support from a counselor.
First anniversaries after a loss can bring up a lot of emotions. I hope that you will find comfort in all the good memories of your mother’s life when you will light a candle for her on Saturday.
You can post on this site as often as you like, I noticed that you did not start your own topic, but added your post to an existing one. You would probably get more replies if you started your own post, choosing a title that will help people to know what your particular siuation is.
If you would like to connect with others who have lost a partner, the best catagory is the one called ‘losing a partner’. To ‘talk’ with others who have lost their mother, the best category is ‘losing a parent’ , or you could post about coping with two losses under ‘coping with bereavement’.
I hope this information is helpful and that this site will help you in coping with your losses.