First post

This is my first post here.

Early in 2020 my wife was working as a school nurse. While the rest of Europe was closing schools or issuing PPE, she worked on as children were falling ill and being sent to her office to wait to be sent home.

Inevitably she got Covid, and passed it on to me. The next couple of months were a blur - in and out of hospitals, ill all the time, hardly able to function. Long story short: I recovered, she did not - and died exactly two years ago.

To compound it all, I had to move house just five weeks after her death, to a new town, so there was no time for anything. I had to sort out the house, all her stuff, and move. New house, new town, new job - into the life that we had planned together.

Generally I have done pretty well, I think. I had not really made many friends, so I am quite lonely. SHe was the sociable one of the two of us.

But recently all the Partygate revelations have really hit me hard. I could not see her as she died in hospital, until the day they turned off her life support machine, when I was allowed onto the ward for a few minutes.

I am not bitter at all about the rules. We needed to keep others safe. But I am so so angry that while I was obedient and lost everything important to me, others were partying.

Has anyone else felt increasingly angry over the past few weeks?


Hi David of Rugby
Your story is similar to mine. We both caught Covid over xmas 2021.
I recovered but my soulmate was taken into hospital on New Years Day.
I didn’t even get to speak to him 2 days later when they rang at 6.30 in the morning and said he’d deteriorated overnight and been ventilated.
The next three and a half weeks was a merry go round of “there’s some improvement “and then he’d gone backwards again.
I didn’t get to see him until the dreaded phone call , to come and say goodbye.

I too am bitter that we were not able to see our loved ones because of Covid rules. I wasn’t able to tell him how much I loved him before he was put into a coma ,on a ventilator. Yet the powers that be were able to party!!!

It’s been 16 months now since I lost the love of my life and it’s not getting any easier.
I had to move 3 months after he died as we’d sold the house, but had to pull out of the one we were buying and move to the coast near my daughter.
I haven’t settled, I don’t feel it’s my home and I’m very lonely here.
To compound all that I got diagnosed with cancer and quite frankly I don’t care.
The worst that could happen to me happened the day my Tom died.
I don’t get the results of my chemo radiation treatment until July and if it’s not good then I won’t have any further treatment. It just means I’m nearer to seeing Tom again.
My family is very small and I know they will grieve and then carry on with their lives as it should be if my prognosis isn’t good.

It’s the emptiness and no longer knowing my purpose in life. He was my purpose.

I don’t know how to deal with this, which is so alien to me as I was always the strong one to go out and sort it ,in our relationship.

Now I am full of anxiety, lonely and so very sad.
Just have to keep going ,living with this shit until I see my Tom again.

My heart goes out to all who are on this journey but I don’t have any answers as to how to deal with it!!
Take care everyone.


Yes. My wife died 7 months ago due to GPs refusing to see patients face to face due to the pandemic. I went mad and after months of phone misdiagnosis and useless antibiotics, finally got the hospital scans she so badly needed.
She was dead from cancer 3 WEEKS LATER.
Thanks NHS.


Oh yes I’ve been really angry and upset about it all. I’m sure there will be a lot of anger about it.
My husband was battling cancer during the lockdowns and had to go through all his treatment and hospital appointments on his own. They said his cancer was stable enough to stop his chemo for a while because they didn’t want people going to hospital because of the covid situation. This was jan 21 and when they did his next scan 3 months later his tumours had grown. He died in sept.
We knew his cancer wasn’t curable but I do wonder if he had been able to continue his treatment he may have lived longer. Don’t get me started on all the things we missed on in the last 18 months of his life while we followed the rules and they were having parties. At least we kept him safe from covid because we did the right thing and shielded.
Take care xx


I feel for you.
Grief is enough, you do not need this Government induced anger to make it so much worse.
I will never forgive these liars and will take this truth to my death bed. My wife deserved SO much better.


Hello Tomtom
My story is like yours. My soulmate was in hospital xmas 2020 on cpap for a week then a week in a coma on a ventilator, he died of covid me and my boys caught it off him, except my eldest he was living away from home so he didn’t catch it, I had the dreaded phone call that they were turning his ventilator off I couldn’t go see him as too ill and scared to say goodbye, my eldest went to see him and said goodbye. I wanted to remember him when he was alive and happy.
We was in lockdown in the November until 5 December then we peopke were out shopping, imagine how many people went out with covid because they had to buy Xmas presents and food, this is when the highly contagious delta strain was about, which my Martin caught, he was a bus driver, told to go back to work coz BORIS said so.
I so wish my Martin took a year out he had underlying health problems, diagnosed with COPD when 38 years old, this was controlled with medication, I often ask myself why Martin took a risk by carrying on working, if he took a year off he might still be here with me.
Boris handled the pandemic atrociously causing people to die from not having treatment for cancer, people ill in hospital with covid patients in the same ward, I could go on and on, what’s the point though.
So sorry for everyone on this site.
Sending hugs
Amy x


I think most decent, caring people are appalled at Partygate. I am. Also the fact that the country was lied to by Boris Johnson personally after the facts of the parties came to light. So many people have lost loved ones. We saw the broadcasts by the PM telling us how grave the situation was and how we must act responsibly. At the same time he didn’t think it applied to him or his cronies. I don’t think he’s ashamed he behaved like he did, but hes sorry he got caught.

All of this though is no help to you, as you try to somehow cope with your loss. Moving location and a new job must be extremely challenging. I admire your strength. It must be incredibly hard. On my worst days I remind myself to just keep on keeping on and that is hard enough to do. You are going through an awful lot and managing to keep it together, to do stuff like moving and a new job is hard in the best of times. As I’m writing this I’m thinking all of that on top of the biggest thing, losing your loved one, means that you must be utterly exhausted. I know what you mean about being lonely, that comes with the territory too. In my better moments I realise that I have to be kind to myself in the absence of the person I really want to be with. It’s easy to say and hard to do, but be kind to yourself. Keep posting on here. It’s helped me. There’s no miracle cure but sharing my thoughts and feelings with other people on here is a little bit of comfort. I wish you all the very best, you deserve some peace. Take care of yourself. X


I worked in a school. Wasn’t allowed to wear a mask (I did ask and was told no as it wasn’t guidelines at the time). I caught covid and took it home to my husband (who hadn’t had contact with anyone else at the time). It took him a while but he recovered (or so we thought). 3 months later he collapsed and died. They say it wasn’t to do with covid but I will never fully be sure. Also, he had rung the doctor the day before he died about not feeling right and, or course, was diagnosed over the phone. I will never know whether it would have been a different story if he’d been seen face to face. In terms of partygate, if we allow people who didn’t follow the rules that they set as a government to continue to govern then what are we saying? I had to follow the guidelines even when I wanted more protection. If it is ok for any MP to not follow the rules that were set then we are saying that rule breaking is ok, no matter what. Also, if I knew that I had broken rules when other people couldn’t say goodbye to their loved ones, I would be so ashamed that I would resign anyway because I was brought up with a decent moral code! To lead, people have to have confidence that you will do the right thing in difficult circumstances.


My wife kept having phone conversations with our GP who kept prescribing useless antibiotics for what he thought was a chest infection. He refused to see patients in the flesh because of the Pandemic.
By the time I went ballistic and insisted on hospital scans it was too late.
She was dead 3 weeks later. Hundreds of thousands of British people suffered the same fate.
Hope your beer and cake tasted good, Boris.
We will all meet you in the afterlife.


So agree with you Barbara Chris too had to shield and went for treatment on his own when the restrictions were easied ,( we live in Wales so they were pretty tough at times) we thought we had time but last September all treatment stopped and 8 weeks later Chris died.So like you I am pretty angry too. We are left with the hurt and pain whilst they make the apologies and then get on with their lives as if it really didn’t matter at all

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Hi everyone. Yes I am appalled at party gate my husband died on 24. 5. 2020 of covid pneumonia my sons and I couldn’t visit him in hospital and he died alone which upsets us greatly there were only 7 people allowed at his funeral when there should have been at least a 100 as he was very well known at Jaguar Cars we couldn’t have a wake or even a meal after the funeral. we were lucky that we could hug and comfort each other but if I had been told I couldn’t I would have told them where to go. I am now entering my 3rd year without Peter and it seems to be getting harder rather then better and I feel it has a lot to do with the fact we couldn’t grieve properly for him so yes I am disgusted by Boris Johnson and his cronies and angry that they had different rules to what we were told to do. X


I am also angry about the partygate . Some people Don’t think its important. I even had 1 man say that the people on the tv where saying things about their circumstances just wanted io be on the tele . It absolutely infurates me that they have seemingly got away with it