As I read through Posts on this website I’m often at a loss to know what to say to someone who is in desperation for the loss of a loved one.
Shortly after my wife’s death I bought ‘Angels Are With You Now’ by Kyle Gray. In the book he suggests that thanking Angels for the gifts they have given you in life will lift your spirits and that you will often notice a response. I wasn’t in a good place but, as I’d bought the book, grudgingly gave it a try.
I really didn’t think it would be easy to think of anything positive in the depths of my grief but, once I started, ideas came quickly and my spirits were indeed lifted. I also noted that having made my list, and given appropriate thanks, something positive happened. On the first occasion I think my cousin rang me and we had a lovely hour long conversation.
Does it always work? No, but it works often enough to be worth a try, giving me a welcome break from the nagging despair we all suffer.
So can you think of 5 positive things in your life to be grateful for?
Here are five from me, it doesn’t matter if you choose the same ones or something completely different.
This website, I really don’t know what I would do without it.
Supermarket home deliveries. I don’t know what I would do without them either.
Music. I can lose myself in a wonderful piece of music.
My home which is my sanctuary.
Dark chocolate!
I would be interested to know if this works for you, or perhaps it’s just me!
Hi Rjay, I think this is similar to trying to find something beautiful in nature every day. Like a flower sunset or bird song and appreciate it. Another useful strategy is to concentrate on the positives in life and our situation. When you feel the pain of being on your own try and replace the thought with how we were blessed to have loved an amazing woman. I’m sure all of these things help to change our view of life.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Just popped in because I’m struggling today from the loss of my Mum nearly 6 months ago. This post has made me calmer. The 5 things I am grateful for are:
A wonderful supportive family, friends and colleagues
Grateful that happier memories of my Mum are coming back - she was a great Mum
My cat - who doesn’t like me hugging her but submits to it anyway
@Kermit
Thank you for letting me know how you got on. I find disrupting the chains of negative thought with a list of gratitudes gives my troubled mind a welcome break. I also find the more often I do it, the longer each positive session lasts.
Shortly after my Post I received my Supermarket Home Delivery with my week’s Dark Chocolate supply. The delivery driver pointed to the chocolate and said he’d got a couple of bars going spare in the wagon, would I like them? I gratefully accepted his offer realising, in view of my stated five gratitudes, that gifts from Angels really don’t get more obvious than that!
People - in all their loving splendour and undeniable idiocy.
Art - in all its formats, genres and types, physical, ethereal and thought.
Nature - you just have to look.
Travel - journeys, missions, meanderings and excercise.
Food - joy in the meal, joy in drinking, joy in giving, joy in sharing, joy, joy, joy.
@Walan
Good choices to lift your spirits. Thank you.
Nature is always uplifting. I haven’t been able to raise much enthusiasm for hobbies or planning the future since I lost my wife but a nagging thought keeps creeping into my mind about how nice it would be to move somewhere remote with a countryside or sea view. I’m mid seventies with a dodgy hip so it’s a ridiculous idea really, but waking up to such a view every day would be good for the soul.
@RJay Make the ridiculous idea your hobby, we’ve got the NHS get your hip sorted.
My dad had dodgy knees for years, he was a keen cyclist and hill walker, it all took its toll. A good few years back he wanted to do one last walk through his beloved Knoydart in Scotland. It was hard and a struggle but it was so uplifting to see him come over that last hill pass and down towards our final destination into Inverie, he raised his arms in triumph for us both.
In the end it wrecked his knees and he went on to get them both replaced. It took time and a lot of recovery but in his late 80’s he’s still cycling 50 miles a week, walking where he wants, doing al his own DIY, and puts it all down to that ridiculous idea of walking through Knoydart one last time.
@RJay
Nah he’s a curmudgeonly, crothchety, overweight Glaswegian, that won’t be told about anything. He lost his wife when he was 70 and had to dig deep to find a reason to go on. Positive Person is very far from reality. But thank you for the laugh
@Walan
I can’t help feeling he has a lot of life experience that would help us all.
Being curmudgeonly isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can give you independence and determination, and goodness knows we all need some of that!
@RJay
So true, so true, I think it was just the positive person description that set me off, he is a trouper and goes his own way, there’s definitely much to learn, both positive and negative. But at the end of the day, he showed me that you can get through this, dreams are not ridiculous and can often lead to a new lease of life. Hope my wee story can put you on the first step onto that journey.
