Five years...

All was going smoothly up until five years ago…First me and Richard were told we were losing our dog number two, then I met and found a half sister I never knew I had, just a once only meeting, dog number two died the following month…The following year was my MS diagnoses…Me and Richard sold up and moved home from Bedfordshire to Dorset, bad mistake as neither of us are-were really happy here…Within seven months of moving here we lost dog number three, and now three years here, my Richard too has gone…It was just another morning, neither of us was expecting what was soon to take place once he came back from taking dog number four, our only remaining dog who was very close to Richard and now has found a new forever home outside our parkhome site in a bricks and mortar house with another dog just like our dog number three, ( same breeds same colouring’s, ) we lost when we moved here…
How life can go down hill in just those few four or five years is beyond me…
I dont even want to start a brand new future, a new life, I want my old life back, this is the one I have been used to for the past 19 years…How can one do things, go to places, we once went to, done together, with someone else? when all the time the only person you want to be walking beside you is your partner who is with you no more…the stately homes,the outdoor craft fares, the village open fetes and open gardens, the stately homes, the village scarecrow competition, we walk walk past their home, they would be judged, the next village allotment-flower-vegetable show held annually in their hall…Me and Richard left all this behind all thanks to my late in life MS diagnoses age ( 64) diagnosed 11th April, same date Richard died…) that both came out of the blue…

Jackie…

Wow. Youve had such a difficult time. Something I did notice, though, is that u speak of the loves in ur life and it seems to me that ur a very loving person. Try not to lose such a lovely quality. Just as u loved, they all loved u right back and in my book, that makes u very special.

Theresa…
…oh but on that fateful morning I never had the chance to say to Richard that I really do love him, he was already gone sitting in his armchair…Telling each other we loved each other was not something we said to each other but I know we both genuinely cared for each other, he certainly did care about me…

He knew Jackie, he knew…x

Kate…
…I so hope you are right as I never stop telling him now…I just need a sign from up above, or wherever, then maybe my mind will relax, and I shan’t be driving myself to pieces as I am doing so now…

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