Fizzing with anxiety

My mum died a month ago…4 days before I started a challenging job in a new school. The school is supportive but it’s always a challenge. I had 2 days off over the funeral. The work load around the bereavement has been high and complicated (very tricky with all the covid rules etc). Some days I try to find anywhere quiet to get away as the fizzing of anxiety bvuilds up. I can’t remember all the new things linked with my nee role. I’m an experienced and well respected teacher and love my pupils, but I feel so anxious and imposter theory creeping in. It’s come to a head this weekend. I worked all last weekend marking, I feel exhausted but need to work about another 6 hours this weekend too. Just so worried all the time. then I think aobut missing mum and just want to break down…

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mum. It’s such a terrible heart breaking time and the fact you are holding down a pressurised job I’m not suprised you feel like this. I was a TA working with children with behaviour disorders. I went back to work 6 weeks after mum died. As I was agency staff I had the luxury to say when I worked. But after two weeks had to admit I couldn’t cope. In the end I took a few months off. I have not gone back to that job and now manage a youth centre, and do youth work.

I really do think you need some time off. They will have to cope without you. It will only affect you down the line if you continue to keep pushing yourself. I know what a nightmare it is currently with all the Covid restrictions it’s added pressure. I’ve just had to complete a ten page COVID checklist before I can even think about opening the youth centre. My mum died a year ago and I’m much more capable now than I was. But I’m so glad I took the time off to grieve. It’s terrible timing that it’s a new job. But there is really not a lot you can do about that. A bereavement is a bereavement regardless of how long you have worked there. It sounds like you are well respected and they will fully understand. Is the Headteacher any good?

Thank you for your kind reply…yes I can see I need to make some decisions about work life balance.
I do have a hearing head and it is a lovely supportive school. I appreciate your kindness and advice. So sorry about your mum too and hope that you are well and taking care with everything.

I think you have to sit down and be honest. I’m sure they will fully understand. I mean who would not understand?? If they did not understand I would question their effectiveness as a Head Teacher. It would be very unwise for them to not be fully co operative. It will catch up on you if you don’t seek the help now.

I realised I needed to take a step back when I was supposed to be holding the door open for children going out to the playground. And I found myself staring into space and I had leant on the door and trapped a child’s finger. I gave up the job that day. It scared me so much that mind was elsewhere. It could have been so much worse

Im so sorry for your loss . I too am a qualified teacher. It is a very demanding job. You are a wonderful person and you care about your pupils but you must remember you. You are a wonderful person by nature but you are human. You have had a tremendous loss and you need time out to reflect what has happened. Please be kind to yourself. Throwing yourself into work will keep you busy but when you finally get a chance to rest you will drop. Im sure the Headteacher will understand that you are under a lot of pressure and that you need to grieve. We are all on here to chat if you need us. Never feel alone. I will be thinking of you at this sad time. X . Hugs. Sam

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