Flash backs

Hi
Haven’t been on for a while.
I have been riding the waves of emotions having good and bad days, I lost my husband suddenly back in May we found him collapsed in the garden, I have lately been consumed of the only thought is him laying and me trying to help him I hear my screams etc. Is anyone else experiencing the same it’s seems since lockdown 3 it’s got worse. Thanks all xx

Hello Sacar, I’m really sorry for your loss. I am nearly two years down the line from when my husband passed away. I don’t think what you are experiencing is unusual . . I regularly wake during the night reliving conversations that I had with my husband before he passed away in hospital. I analyse to the nth degree whether or not I said the right things, did I hold his hand enough? Did he remember that I loved him? Was there anything that I could have done? I’ve had so many tears in the early hours. I don’t really know how to make it all stop but you are not alone with these thoughts.

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Thank you for your reply, I’m sorry to hear of your loss too. Yeap I do a lot of that too questioning i feel sometimes I’m in a fight with own head.
I’m glad I’m not alone with this. I just need to find a way of getting through this stage of my grief journey xxx

Hi,

I lost my husband in September, he died in my arms. I have since had one session of f2f counselling and another two by phone. It may be a sign of complicated grief a.k.a PTSD. This is easily treated, but it has to be properly treated by a professional trained in the technique which is called EMDR, or something.
That is what I would like to do if the people who are treating me suggest it.
Lockdown is making everything worse for everyone. None of us can do the things we normally do. I personally chose to wear a mask at all times out of doors. That protects me and anyone I meet.
I can only wish you all the best as we navigate the Grief House of Horrors.
Christie xxx

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Hello sacar

I too have flash backs. They sometimes trigger a panic attack. Mostly though they cause big waves of grief to hit me and all I can do is cry. I am told they are normal and will ease in time. Big hug

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It is two and a half years since I lost my beloved husband Ron. All the flashbacks I have are of our holidays mainly in Turkey. I keep seeing the deserted village called the ghost village. We used to walk there amongst the deserted houses. I remember how fit and tanned my husband was and how perfectly complete I felt with him. I had my last holiday celebration with him in Greece. He booked a seaside restaurant overhanging a cliff and it was beautiful. I always have flashbacks to holidays perhaps because they were my happiest times. Sometimes the pain of losing all that is unbearable. I guess they are just memories but is strange how our happiest and treasured memories are the ones that also cause us so much grief.

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Thank you all for your responses, I have managed to organise some counselling out and starting next week.
All of Our grief journeys are definitely not being helped by covid and being stuck in doors. Because the person we would be stuck in with us no longer with us. :frowning:
That’s what I need to do is remember the lovely memories I made with my husband and not of the flash back of how we found him but that’s all that consumes my mind atm.

Keep going all :kissing_heart:

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I lost my husband 5 days ago. He had lung cancer and the cancer must have tore an artery. He bleed and chocked to death in front of me and then I was told to try and resuscitate. I just relive it over and over again and wake feeling anxious. It was in the kitchen and the police were very good and cleaned up the vast amount of blood.
The kitchen is not the problem I just relive it wherever I am.

Oh Wendy, firstly I am so sorry for your loss. Secondly what a brave lady you are to find the strength after only 5 days to come here and share. That must have been absolutely horrendous. I am not surprised you relive that everywhere. I’m sure you felt so helpless and frightened and desperate to help your husband. I’m glad the police were good iand supportive n cleaning up the kitchen. What you need to remember now is you did everything you could to try and help him. He would know you were there, in itself would have been a great help and comfort to him. It’s very early days my lovely, very early, and you will have flash backs and that’s normal. Its dealing with them that’s the difficult part. Do you have any support from family or friends? Please continue to share here as you have support here. Big hugs tracey

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband, I can relate to doing cpr I tried on my husband to but unfortunately he was already gone. When your living it you don’t think as you just want your husband back.
We found my husband collapsed in our garden and every morning I still visualise him laying there and watching the day unfold in my head, I don’t think that will ever leave us but we will learn to live with it in time.
Take care xxx

The reliving it is horrible isn’t it. I The doctor called me the day after when he received the police report. He said it was a very traumatic experience for anyone, though the person you love most in the world. I take comfort that I was with him in the worst few minutes of his life.

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Thank you Tracey. My family and Garrys family are there for me on the end of the phone. His daughters have been lovely as they are grieving to. One of them is 7 months pregnant so it must be so hard for her. Today I had a strange sensation of feeling totally numb from it , for a while feeling nothing at all. I’m told it your brains way of protecting you , helping you to cope when it gets to much. I started a journal today writing down my thoughts and anything else but writing to him. Everything helps a little . Wendy

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Hi @Sacar I too have flashbacks. For a long time I could not imagine my husband without thinking of his eyes dead expression and other stuff that happened on the day in minute detail with all senses.

I have now had 5 counselling sessions and this was the subject of one session entirely as well as part of others. It has helped me in reducing the frequency of flashbacks and in the last 2 weeks I can sometimes think of my husband alive too (my husband died 3.5months ago) and nicer memories start to come back sometimes.

My therapist said something like that Fight Flight or Freeze response in our Amygdala gets overwhelmed by all the data we took in on that day through all our senses because it was like having a massive injection of drugs that made us take in much much more information than we normally ever could and then all the other things afterwards (police, coroners, funeral…all the sorry mess left of our lives) meant we just intake intake intake info and then lack of sleep doesn’t help us process it properly.

I hauled my husbands body around and performed chest compressions for almost half hr before running up and down the stairs/street, something I would never normally have the strength for and far exceeded what my body would normally be capable of on several fronts.

She had me talk through all those details and said it can help to write them down too as this helps your brain to start to properly process it and then file it away instead of keep reliving it like we do.

She also asked me to prioritise making a new sleep routine (I posted leaflets she gave that explain that in another topic if you are interested) and to reduce the intake of new unnecessary information (for example my visiting family always put the news on and I noticed that made me much worse to the point I was dreading the news, she said a lot of people have that with the news and advised me to avoid things like that for a while).

The first few days (or maybe week) after that intensive session were worse than normal but then it reduced a bit so I am hopeful that she’s right but only time will tell. I was just glad to think of my husbands alive face a few times since. I still don’t really believe photos are us but hopefully I’ll get there. Good luck and take care xxx it’s a massive trauma and I’m told the reactions like flashbacks mean your brain is working properly even though it doesn’t feel like it… I hope things improve for you and you are not alone or weird xxx

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