Hi, and thank you for your encouragement. I do feel I am getting worse lately, now the finality of it is at last sinking in. I just can’t imagine life without him. Wherever I go he would have been with me, even going to the supermarket is painful as I see all the items he would have bought. He is everywhere and nowhere and I feel so empty and alone. In moments of utter despair I write down my feelings on paper and talk to him and tell him what I’m thinking. It helps a bit to get it out in this way.
I didn’t see anyone all weekend and spent most of it howling. Emotion frightens people away and so you get more isolated. It is five months now and I have a lot of work to do with regards to John’s estate so that is added pressure too. when I feel least able and always focusing on the loss. You have done well to concentrate on turning your journal into a book. Thank you for your care.
I agree so much with he’s everywhere . Anywhere I go there’s a memory we were always together did everything together shopping , we worked together everyday only stopped because of the illness then we’re together 24/7 I never left his side . I went for a shopping trip yesterday & suddenly came to a shop & it reminded me so much of something that happened in that shop & tears started flowing , it brought back all sorts of memories good & bad & I had to rush home. It’s inevitable that everywhere we go in our daily lives we will have memories which is good but sometimes so painful. I haven’t changed a thing in our home & I can’t get rid of anything yet. I did get rid of some old shoes that he hadn’t worn for years but kept the ones he wore recently I just can’t do it at the moment it’s been8 months but I just need all his things around me. I have photos of him all around the house happy smiling face which does make me smile & feel happier for a while, it’s just so hard that this is so final . Thank you all for sharing your feelings it really does help.