Hi, I’m new to the group, my friend recommended that I join to help me as I’m struggling to stop the flashbacks. My Brother died November 2019, I was with him for his last breath and I’m struggling with this vision popping in my head all the time. I know it’s probably worse at the moment as it’s nearing his anniversary but it’s been happening everyday since he died. I’ve seen a bereavement councillor which helped me recognise that my feelings of grief were normal etc, but I need help with reliving that awful moment. X

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Hi. ClaireL. Welcome. Yes I know what you mean. Memories of the last time I saw my wife still come up after two years, But now I allow them to because I know it will happen and accept it as so. We can’t stop such memories and trying to suppress them does more harm than good. As time passes such memories tend to fade and more positive memories appear. That’s how I have experienced it. It may not apply to all. What you and all of us have suffered is a life trauma, and like all traumas it takes time and a lot of patience. Counselling is good. Have you talked about these feelings with your counsellor? Yes, they are normal. I think we may all have had them at some time in this awful journey. So many jumbled up emotions. You say you are ‘struggling’ with this feeling. If you struggle or fight against it it will only worsen the situation. Let the thoughts come and accept that they will for a while. The less credence you give them the sooner they will go. We can none of us ever forget, but such thoughts should be kept in the background. Look after yourself and try and see such thoughts as what they are. Thoughts in a tired mind.
Bless you. John.


Hi ClaireL,
You have received 2 very good posts here, I agree with everything Jonathan has said. My husband died in August 2019, I found him dead on our bedroom floor, I too have flashbacks which take me to the exact moment I found him. Gradually these will fade for you but it does take time. When you have had such a traumatic experience, it takes a long while for it to fade into much happier memories.
Take care and stay safe.


Thank you so much for your replies and thoughts. I do now remember my counselor telling me to accept these visions and not to fight them or bury them. I think my downfall is that I try and be brave and strong for my Mum and Husband so I don’t upset them and have them worrying about me. I’m going to try writing down each day a happy memory of my Brother to see if that helps. X