Have been ‘ok’ for a bit. And now, suddenly, terrible flashbacks again to the hospital where Mum died.

It happens off and on. Always the same images. Her so thin and vulnerable.

How I wish to god I could change how it was, her suffering. Can’t bear it. I love her so much.

It’s like a knife in my guts and the pain takes me away from the present.

How the hell do I live a normal life when it’s like this?

I failed her.

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Hello @Treehugger,

Thank you for starting this thread and for sharing so openly and honestly about how you are feeling - I’m really sorry to hear about your Mum and the terrible flashbacks you have been experiencing. Reliving what happened in this way sounds so hard.

I can see from your profile, you are ‘newly bereaved’ and so I thought I would share a couple of links which you might find useful. The first takes you to our online bereavement counselling webpage, if you’re interested in finding out more and/or registering: www.sueryder.org/counselling. The counselling service is free of charge and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home or somewhere else that works for you.

The second link is for an article on our website - if you have time to read it, I thought it might be helpful for you (you are not alone feeling the way you do): https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/someone-close-to-me-has-died/advice-and-support/how-long-does-grief-last.

Thank you again for sharing - please know we are here for you.

Take care,

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@Treehugger hi I am so very sorry for your loss I lost both my parents many years ago and I lost my soulmate in April you’re emotions are going to be all over the place and it may well feel overwhelming just take one day at a time keep posting on here you will find support everyone here has suffered loss so they understand sue ryder offers bereavement counselling as do cruse and you could also talk to your doctor stay safe take care

Thanks Megan

Thanks @Casey1. I’m really sorry to hear about your loss too. It’s so hard. Take care, hugs x

@Treehugger yeah it is hard its a struggle everyday but we carry on for them because they would want us to they live in us now and their love is always with us surrounding us and our love for them will never die I’m sorry you are going through this heartbreak sending hugs

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I’ve had the same as you. The hideous hospital image, just explodes in my brain and drags me down. I’ve been trying a technique that I’ve found helpful, and hope it helps you & everyone who reads this.

When ‘that image’ appears in your minds eye, drain all the colour from it. Make it black & white. Then make it smaller. For the sounds, turn the volume down so it’s really quiet.

Then once you’ve managed to do that, immediately think of a happy memory or photo. Turn up the colours, make it big, remember all the sounds, your positive emotions. Hold on to that as long as possible.

The aim is to get your brain in the habit of bringing you the good images when you remember your loved one. X


Thank you so much Gib79. That’s the first time anyone’s suggested anything. I’ve given it a little try already and it definitely helped return my thoughts to the present - it was like as the image got smaller the here and now could come back in. I can see how it might take practice, especially at a busier time as I’ve had a quiet day today.

Want so much to gradually feel less traumatised and more happy memories. So honestly thanks again and I’m sorry that you have your own awful images to contend with x

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