Forgetting For a moment that your loved one is gone.

To set this in context my mum died in May after a long illness (cancer) and I have woken up more than once lately with the utmost need to go phone my mum forgetting she is no longer here. and the sharp remembering is so very painful. The times I begin to turn to tell her something. The times I look in a cafe as people are starting to go back into them and I see people and I almost go to ask my mum is she wants to go for a coffee as we used to. And I forget and I suddenly remember. Its like my muscle memory that remembers the attachment and the continued doing certain activities is trying to get my brain to continue doing these things and my regular memory are in conflict. Its very hard. Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing anything similar and what their experiences are in this way. Take care everybody.

Hi. MeeBee. This state of mind is so common in bereavement. Our minds are upside down. I too posted about this very thing a while ago. I wake up in the mornings and think 'oh yes, I must tell Stella that, then the realisation I can’t hits me.
My wife and I always went for morning coffee to our favourite cafe when the virus struck. I was just getting used to going there again on my own when they had to close. They have not reopened yet. On top of bereavement this virus comes along. It has taken some coping with.
For many years you were able to do the things you mention then it’s all gone. The mind can’t comprehend what has happened and tries to make things normal again. There is this conflict in most of us. After all, the intense shock we have suffered is bound to have negative consequences. It will pass as does everything in life. May is so early to expect too much. Give yourself time. I know, that may sound meaningless to you at the moment.
None of us will ever forget. Not possible, and learning to live with grief is very hard, but can be done given the will.
Take care and Blessings.

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Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I know a lot about grief having lost quite a few other people but this was a new sensation for me. Your kind thoughts are appreciated. I actually found some things about lockdown made this easier to deal with. And yet other things were so much harder because of lockdown. I am thinking of you too in your loss. I know it doesnt go away as I started grieving for my dad again after I lost my mum and he will have been gone 6 years. I haven’t really started grieving for my mum yet. I am thinking of you too.
Take care