Hello Barbara
I understand that overwhelming feeling of grief and almost physical pain it causes.
Hope you’ve had an okish afternoon. I know it’s very difficult coming back into an empty house after a few days away . You mentioned you’d been to your son and his family over the weekend. The first thing I do is put the radio on when I come back home. I don’t like the silence of an empty house. Hope you have a peaceful night
Lucy
Thank you Lucy. Sleep well. Barbara
Hi Metal Mickey and Silver Lady. I empathise with you both in every way. My husband died on Mother’s day. 31/03/19. He only had 11 weeks after his diagnosis of cancer in January. His cancer too far advanced for treatment. We were together 52 years. I am devastated and sometimes I still can’t believe he has gone forever. To make matters worse our daughter was diagnosed with the exact same condition in October 2018. She was given two months to live. Fortunately hers was not so aggressive as her Dad’s and so with extensive complicated chemo and Radical Radium therapy she is still with us but still terminal. She is convinced that her Dad took her cancer onto himself. To be fair he did take her diagnosis and prognosis very badly. It was a terrible time not knowing which of my two most precious people were gong to die first. Heartbroken is an understatement. Added to this is the loneliness and at 81 years old and disabled there is not much in the way of interests out there to suit me. However, Mickey I have also got a little dog (Thank Goodness) who is 6 years old. I have got him registered with the Cinnamon Trust who will take care of him in the event of my passing. It might give you peace of mind if you were to contact them and get your little dog registered.
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So sorry to hear of your husband’s and daughter’s illness and the loss of your husband. My husband died on 30/07/19 and I am devastated as well. Life is so cruel at times. Thank goodness you have your dog. Barbara1949
To everyone. Just to say thank you for posting on this site. Just reading these messages is a comfort. xx
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It’s 18mths since my husband died suddenly and unecessarily. I’m managing to let go of the anger ( though it still occurs) and the initial shock has faded a lot, but that just allows the sadness to rise through - and the feelings of how much is lost . I’m sad for him and the life he should be enjoying now, with me and our family, and I’m sad and so missing him . That brings me on to a part of losing a partner which never seems to be mentioned on this site, or by friends - the loss of the physical side of your relationship. I miss the cuddles, the foot and back rubs, and the joy of being made love to by my man. There, I’ve said it. I’m sure others must feel the same but the subject seems to be ‘the elephant in the room’ when talking about what we miss
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Hi All
Lindac same age difference between me and my hubby, Dual I posted a similar thread I miss making love with my husband, apparently it is known for your libido to kick in after grief it is apparently missing the lack of intimacy, the lack of connection. I haven’t posted for a few days hit an all time low , most days I can pick myself up. For no reason no special time for us just got such a feeling on nothing couldn’t push it away but feeling better now!
Thank you ladies for being brave enough to put a voice to this. I certainly do miss my mans touch and I’m gonna say it, the way he knew me as only he does. It’s something that has intensified and I did wonder if that was down to him,…now I know (wink and broad smile emoji) xx
Thank you Barbara. Nobody knows the agony of it all unless they experience it for themselves. I send you hugs of comfort. xxx
I send hugs of comfort back Genie 36. I am having another hard day. When will it ease I wonder. Barbara x
Oh Dear. I think that is how it goes. Good days and bad days. Or should I say bad days and worse days? Have you tried the Bach Rescue remedy? It might help a little when you are feeling very down. https://www.boots.com/bach-rescue-remedy-spray-20ml-10050591?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs_HeroCompare--Bach-_-Boots+Shopping±+Category±+Health+and+Pharmacy±+Desktop&gclid=Cj0KCQjwiILsBRCGARIsAHKQWLO_sbGf-sDj7UHCcZf1WqanlnD_Jior8kHJ_i2HEUQaMH-JQ5iJrhIaAgetEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Hi Ladies
Think I have so much going on right now, it just got to me, I had a problem at home , the builders had to come in they had to rip out things that my hubby and I put in 20years ago when we renovated, it was hard to see things being ripped out when i have so many good memories, we unearthed message on the plaster that we had written, we had to take up some of the flagstones that we laid and made love on ( no pun)…then i realised that the memories stay with me and that preserving the home we shared was more important.
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You are correct in the connection you mention, thank you again. I found an article that is really helpful. I attach it below.
For many, grief decreases sex drive. For many others, it can increase it. This can be especially conflicting for those who have lost a spouse or partner. But when people are numb from grief, they find that sex helps them feel something. It’s also life-affirming at a time when coping with death has become part of one’s every day life. If you have lost your spouse or partner, you may be missing the sexual and physical intimacy that you shared. In addition, orgasms release oxytocin, the “bonding” hormone, and endorphins, the “feeling good” hormone, which also reduces your perception of pain.
Grief is a very individual process. Reach out for help, and be easy on yourself.
www.stephaniesarkis.com
Copyright 2015 Sarkis Media
Sorry for the rather disjointed way replies to particular areas discussed happen. Oh and by the way, I’m not suggesting I have desire for another partner, I don’t. I can connect with my man in every single way I live my life and for me I call that surviving.
San I agree, I miss my hubby in every way possible and when I say I miss him physically like you I have no wish to entertain (it would be you haven’t seen me naked ) anyone else in the jiggly jiggly department BUT nor will I rule that out because of my age, who knows who or what the future brings and I know that I would do that with my hubbies blessing. I am moving forward (not on) in my life as I don’t know if it is different stage of grief but I can feel it. I have finally accepted that this is it and as such being the pragmatic practical person I am (we both are) I will do he asked I will live a good life safe in the knowledge I was and am loved by a wonderful man.
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The day my husband died, I had a sudden,swift feeling of needing Rescue Remedy. I hadn’t used it in at least 20 years. I was getting ready to head home (about 45km) and stopped at the health food store. It helped almost immediately. It gave me enough control to make it home, where I took another dose. For the first two weeks
I took it everywhere just in case. I also bought lavender oil, and I inhale that when I’m feeling upset. I’ve had some bad days recently, but haven’t used the Bach’s, and now I’m thinking that I should have. I will be again - thanks for the nudge -
I agree my heart and all my love went with my wife u will never be able to love again till we meet again
Strange 7months in, I thought I was getting better, this last month has been so much harder, less ups and downs but bigger ones if that makes sense?
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I’m rhe same been six months thought i was makeing progress but this week has been really hard. I have started wrighting things down i have done this to say how i feel.
“Angels have come and taken you away
With them is now your home, safe with them i know you will be.
I will wait untill they come for me so together again we will be.”
Im not sure if this wil help
Xxx
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Thank you Linda it does, think it’s just because nothing is settled yet in any aspect of my life and I feel this is holding me back. I have decided to focus on my hubbys love of music and am working on a music room where I can listen to his LPs and cassettes (my granddaughter was fascinated by them couldn’t understand why they weren’t flat lol). X
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