Found partner to sucicide

I found my partner In my home on the 17th of October his funeral is next Friday I have been with him 15 years and he was 27 I have lost my soul mate I found him down stairs on the morning I got up to dress the girls for school who were his and mine 5 and 6 they were in the house at the time it happened I can’t get me head around it I went the morg last week and to the chapel of rest today and it’s hit me hard like all couples we had problems he had an alcohol problem for past 3 years but that’s not the point the worse thing about it all is i was in work till 8pm and he was aleep and he woke uo at 10.30 we had an argument and then he told me he was going to do it and I stayed in bed he shouted there’s a letter for u don’t let the kids come down in the morning I thought nothing of it I feel as if he wanted me to come down but I didn’t I feel like it’s my fault and I am so scared about the future as we have never been apart since 14 I have lived with him

I’m so sorry for your loss. What dreadful circumstances. Sending a big hug to you. x

Oh gosh I’m so sorry. What dreadful circumstances. But it’s not your fault. When someone chooses to end their life. That’s their choice. No one else’s. His head must have been so muddled and
Clearly not thinking straight. But again that is not your thought. All couples argue. No one expects to come down to that in the morning after an argument. Had he been drinking?

Please don’t blame yourself. Alcohol is a terrible depressant.

He has been drinking each day for about 3 years but he still worked every day but he would drink soon as he could and he fell recently into drinking before work but I only caught him twice as he will get up before me

Jenny…
…may your partner be at peace from whatever on that fateful day was so troubling him…
My heart goes out to you, his family and loved ones…

Jackie…

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Alcohol is a terrible depressant and he would certainly never have been thinking straight. Please don’t put the blame on your shoulders.

Hi Jenny, I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your partner to suicide, following problems with alcohol. Those are such awful circumstances and it must have been a terrible shock. I wanted to let you know that we have some other users who have lost partners to suicide - you might wish to read and reply to this recent conversation where you can find Antoinette and Chizzy: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-bereavement/suicide-2

There is also an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide, which can offer lots of support, including a telephone helpline, email and online support and local support groups: https://uksobs.org/

It is very early days for you, and our users often advise people to try to be kind to themselves and take things day by day - try not to think too far into the future. It’s important to have outlets for your grief, so I’m glad that you’ve found this community and been able to post here.

I’m sorry also that your girls have lost their father so young. We have some information on our website about supporting children with bereavement, and the charity Winston’s Wish can also give advice about this.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about using this site, you can email me at online.community@sueryder.org.

Priscilla
Community Manager

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Hello Jenny, I have been thinking about you since reading about your tragic and shocking loss. Please don’t blame yourself, if he had been drinking I doubt you could have done anything to have stopped him. Had he threatened to harm himself before?
My previous husband used to threaten to throw himself off a local bridge. I was a young mum and it was a reasonably new relationship. I had never encountered anything like this before. At first I was so worried that he would go ahead and would follow him but the more I begged the more he threatened so I changed tactics and used to show no interest at all when he made his threats. He stopped immediately and never did it again. I took a risk and it worked. How could you have known what he was going to do. If he had been drinking his head would have been all over the place. Please try not to beat yourself up and take care of yourself and your little girls. Stay with the forum if you need support.
xx

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