Four months today

It’s four months today since my world fell apart. My husband passed away suddenly in his sleep on 11th December. I went to wake him up from a nap and he was gone. He was 61. We were married for 28 years and he was my life. Since then I have cried especially in the first couple of weeks begging him to come back but mostly I have just felt numb. I keep going for the sake of our little fur baby and because I know I have to make a new life for myself I am 51 so I could be a widow for many years. I have come to terms with the fact that he isn’t coming back and I try and keep myself busy and I recently moved house to try and make a new start, but I feel so lost and lonely especially in the evenings. It doesn’t help that I have mental health issues and don’t mix well with people, and most of the time I want to be alone except for my cat if I can’t be with my husband, but at times I feel terribly isolated and scared. I’m sure many people here must feel the same, I guess the answer is to keep busy. We had no children.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m only three weeks in to losing Craig. We had no children either - just our little cat. I’m too raw and tired to write much right now, so sorry to not be much help. I just wanted you to know I understand completely- and feel your pain. My thoughts are with you. x

I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I could do or say something to ease the pain but I know from my own experience there is nothing, only understand what you are going through. I hope your little cat is providing some comfort, I don’t know what I would done - or do - without my little man.

Thank you for your kind words; I really appreciate them. I am thinking of you at this terrible time.

The circumstances must have been a massive shock for you. Our stories are all different, but we all have to deal with loss of our wonderful partners.

My wife passed away two months ago after a two and a half year journey with cancer. We have known each other for 28 years.
I am now a widower in my 50s and have no children to focus my attention on.
The beautiful, talented, caring and funny person she is has departed for the spiritual world. A big part of me is missing too now.
I have read many stories on this site and it looks like we all have to find our own path through life without the loved one that would brighten up our dark world.
I am taking life day by day now in the hope that one day I can reflect on the good times we had more and not mourn all the times we have lost.
For the moment I am just walking and talking to her. It seens to help me a little. I do a lot of staring too when I am in deep thought about the past and I have been close to tears a few times.
I am running too every couple of days in the hope that a fit nervous wreck is better than an unfit one.
I personally find spending time with others does help me, but I can’t guarantee my mind will be in the same place as my body from time to time.
No matter what I do though, the thing I want most will never happen.
I can certainly feel the pain of others in a way I never felt before.

So I am just letting you know that we are all trying to come out of what seems a never ending pain.

This site will definitely help. So let’s see what the future brings.

Looks like the cat is getting plenty of love and giving you comfort.

Thank you for your message. I am so sorry for your loss. As you say the one thing we want will never happen. It is hard to take that they won’t be coming back. I talk to Chris a lot too; about how I feel about him being gone and things that are happening. I talk to my cat about his Daddy too. I also find because he and I shared very much the same sense of humour I find myself having the conversations with him about things I see happening on the TV etc. that we would have had when he was here. When I use a kitchen knife to chop vegetables and such I imagine him laughing and teasing me, yet again “You never hold that knife and use it properly!” except now he is not here to show me for the umpteenth time how to use it correctly…stuff like that.

Last night I dreamt that he was back with me and I had him for a little bit longer. Somehow he had come back to life for a while and I knew I was going to lose him again and I had to make the most of this little time we had together. We talked (I don’t remember about what) and then I laid my head on his shoulder. The dream changed but I was glad for that part of it, it gave me some comfort. He still loves me and I still love him even though we are apart for now. My beliefs have been shaken by losing him but that dream was to me his way of saying I am still here watching over you and waiting for you when your time comes, now I feel more reassured. We will see them again one day; it’s dealing with all the days in between, what my favourite songwriter Gene Clark wrote in one song, “the space we call today”, that’s so difficult.