Friday 13th

One year ago today on holiday in Spain my life changed beyond all recognition. I lost my beloved husband, my best friend, the person that loved me unconditionally and me him. In those dark, dark first months of grief I didn’t think I would make it. I had been with him since I was 16 and at 60 I was lost, panicked and broken. This year has brought many additional traumatic events that I have had to cope with without him by my side… But you can chose to sink or swim and in wanting above all to make my husband proud. I chose the latter. Albeit the waves have dragged me down many times but I have got back up and rebuilt my life with the help of my family and friends. My lovely, quiet and happy life with my husband has gone. But I now have a future, not one I ever foresaw but one that contains happiness, alongside the sadness. I sold our little place in Spain, it was our dream, not mine alone, I have started temping and it has given me some confidence back and not out of choice I moved home last week, but that’s ok my husband remains with me in my heart. Next year I will see my son get married here and then travel half way across the world to his wedding blessing. I am privileged that I am still here to do this, so very sad that my husband won’t get to. Life is so precious, ( my daughter is awaiting a transplant and is battling through and yes I’ve wished I could change places), but as we all know things can change in an instant, no one gets it unless they have walked in our shoes. I read the posts from those that have just lost their beloved partners and I ache for them, there is no quick fix, you have to work through it in whatever way makes it a tiny bit more bearable.Hour by hour, day by day. I know I will never get over losing my husband and will always, always love him but please know it does get easier, it does make us stronger and we do deserve to have happiness in some form. And to my lovely man I hope I am making you proud. Forever yours :heart:

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Wow you have been through a lot, you poor thing, yes 2morrow is Friday 13th, the 13th of Aug 2023 was a black day for me, I lost the women i love and she loved me too, she was from Florida U.S and I’m London England, we met on line about over 5 years ago, and chated every day on skype, I was hoping to met her for the 1st time next year, in 2024, but now that won’t happen I feel my heart has been ripped out & broken in 2, I feel so lost with out her to chat to every night, at times I feel like giving up, I get so up set and cry a lot of the time, its not as much as it was in Aug/Sept, but its still a good bit, and I cry things that I remember her by or I think of, I’ve not really been to church much since I was in school, but now I find myself going there more now since her death, so friend will be 2 months since she died and I will be going to early morning church 2morrow 9 am, as she died in the morning, and I will be lighting 3 candles for her 1 for Aug 13th when she died and the other 2 for Sept and Oct, my plan now is to go to church and the mass , on every 13th month of every year as long as I live, she was only 52-3, I’m 56 soon, it broke me in 2 when she died, life is so unfair, she died of a covid related illness in Florida on Aug 13th 2023.

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Aw … lovely words. Life is so precious. They are so precious - these lovely men of ours who loved us and supported us for many years. Met my husband at 23 - lost him at 60 :frowning: God bless them because they were just here for us … unconditionally xxxx

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@Star53 what a lovely post. Full of heartache but also love, determination & hope. I haven’t had as much to contend with as you but I try to have a similar attitude to this life we now live. Take care.

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What a lovely post. It’s good to know that others have managed some sort of semi-positive existence after the traumatic event. At the beginning, my Keef has been gone 8 months now, wanted to give up but then I knew that he would want me to carry on and live the best life I could. It is hard, We were together from when he was 19 and I was 21 until he was 63 and I was 65, it was basically all of my adult life so it will take a lot of time adjusting to a different life, but I know I must. Plus I do have 2 grown up children and 2 adorable grandchildren to think of. Take care and thank you xx

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@Star53 it was so lovely to read your post. As devastating as it is what’s happened to us I also feel I want to swim rather than sink. Don’t get me wrong I still have dark days but I’m trying to make the best of my my life! I’m sure your husband will be very proud of you as I hope mine is too! What ever happens in my future nothing with take away the love I will always have for my husband. He will remain in my hear forever! J x

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