Frightened Of the funeral

Like you all know I’m heartbroken for Losing my husband. We’ve arranged a lovely funeral but I’m frightened I would be able to control myself at the funeral and saying the final goodbye


I felt the same but somehow you get through can’t remember a lot of it I felt numb stay strong you will do it hugs annie x

Yes it will be a very challenging day but you must do it.I cried all through the service and was unable to say what I wanted to say so the vicar did it for me. Michael x

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So sorry for your loss there are no rules get through the best way you can don’t have to control yourself your grief is so painful I don’t remember much about my husbands in jan you seem to just go through it I’m sure my husband was holding me up as m sure yours will too sending you strength x

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I was dreading my mums funeral but surprised myself by how strong i was . Thinking of you x

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You will be amazed at your strength. You get through it in a haze.
I can’t even remember who came to my husband’s funeral. Yet I managed to do the ulogy myself and recited a poem I wrote for him .I never broke down once. It is after the reality sinks in that the pain begins. Slowly, slowly you begin to bear it. It is the hardest journey of my life. Xx

Really sorry for your loss, the worse thing you can do is hold anything back, however you react will be natural and hopefully you have a lot of people around you because that will help :heart:

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Hi yes if it were not for some good friends I do not know what I would have done when the panic attacks come.This grief is like nothing before,it drains the life out of you,leaves you unable to eat or sleep.This is the price we pay for loving someone so much and when we lose them it destroys us.Cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel because I cannot even see the tunnel . So unhappy,so sad so lonely. Michael x


Feel for you Michael as you have just described my life , if we can call it a life ? More of an existence . The panic attacks and anxiety are awful to deal with but somehow i get through it . Thinking of you x

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Hi Angie,yes it is just an existence ,not living,drift through each day try to eat try to sleep,what a living hell this is.We are all on the same journey and it is a nightmare journey.The dark winter nights do not help now do they.This storm coming will make it even worse.Hate this life want to be with Judith where ever she is.Much love to you Angie Michael x

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Hi Michael . I have felt since the dark night’s , didn’t think it would be possible to feel worse but i do . Where i live the storm has already passed through and now we have sunshine . How wonderful it would be to be with our loved ones again . Take care x

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Hi Angie ,I am having a bad day today,my sick feeling has come back,my heart is pounding in my chest,my step daughter went to see a friend in the next road but did not bother to come and see me.Gutted . Much love Michael x

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Hi Michael , sorry to hear you are having a bad day . Yesterday was a really bad day for me but feeling a little brighter now after speaking to my counselor this morning . How awful that your step daughter didn’t pop round and visit you too , even just a quick visit would have brightened your day a little. You take care xx

Hi, I’m sorry for your loss. The best advice I can give, is to just let it happen however it’s gonna unfold. It’ll be a difficult day I’m sure, but by allowing your emotions to just respond to the moments as they happen, should enable you to get through it. I cried and laughed at my partner’s funeral, as we all reminisced about times we’d spent with him. It was a rollacoaster of emotions but somehow I managed to get through it. As long as you have people there to support you, you should hopefully be ok. Take care

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Mickeyboy 31
I have read so many of your posts and can feel your pain so deeply. I have not responded because I am much further on than you ( almost 3 and a half years) but I just wanted to respond to your quote about your step daughter not visiting. Both my girls were step children to my husband and we had a hard time with them throughout our marriage. When Ron died I felt completely alone when my eldest daughter stopped contact with me. She sent me such hurtful texts and it almost destroyed me. We never spoke for over a year after he passed. My younger daughter then took her side and she too never got in touch even though she lives in the same street as me.
The grief and hurt was unbearable and came about because they had misconstrued something I said light heartedly and didn’t even remember. Sometimes children - even when they become adults .- can be unbearably selfish without realising the hurt they cause. I called a meeting and sorted it out as best I could with my daughters and now I have a strong bond again with one of them at least. If you have had a good relationship with your step daughter when your wife was alive then please call her and tell her how hurt you felt when she didn’t visit you. She probably hasn’t even realised how you feel. Just make her feel welcome and explain your loneliness. I do hope things work out and you can rebuild your relationship because you are both grieving. Good luck and please believe me that the rawness you are feeling now will get less intense so that you eventually you will learn to live with the death of your beloved wife.

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Such a lovely message ,you have hit the nail right on the head.We do have a good relationship but I am still a bit confused by the way she calls me Mick instead of Dad,all the cards say Dad but in person it is Mick.I will talk with her so thanks for the advice. Michael x

I am really missing her again,not that I got over it,this big hole in my life will never heal.Such an amazing woman,so positive in everything she did.Gave me strength.But I cannot live now without her.There is nothing left here for me now.I am, so unhappy and so lonely.I cannot be alone for that is when the panic sets in.I have never felt so alone and empty.Hate this life now without Judith in it.Michael x

I don’t know if the funeral has already happened but I have a few words
Firstly, im really sorry and I completely sympathise with you
I said goodbye to my beautiful dad just over 3 months ago. I’m 24 and was a total daddy’s girl.
I was absolutely dreading his funeral, I was terrified.

My day that day was terrible, that’s the truth.
It was the hardest day I have ever had to face. But it wasn’t the worst.
If you know what I mean by that then I hope you can see it that way too.
It was the hardest and worst day, but it was beautiful for what it was- my dad would have liked his I think.
Maybe for something that everyone (with no exception) has to go through, it won’t be as bad as you think.
Granted, it will make you feel so much, but it needs to happen, you need it to find a new place in grief.

I hope you can find that, or have felt it

I felt the same as you about the funeral, it felt like I was in a daze, I had a friend come to help me write a tribute and she very kindly read it for me.
Because of Covid we were only allowed 50 people at the service so we had a zoom link for people who couldn’t attend and I have a recording which I haven’t managed to watch yet but I can hardy remember anything that was said.
It’s such a surreal thing to have to go through but you will get the strength to get through it.
And if you break down and can’t control your emotions,( I did) don’t worry about it, I held my sister’s had all the way through.
One thing I have learned is that if I need to cry it’s better to let it out, as it slightly eases the pain.
It’s completely natural to feel the way we do when you have loved so deeply.

Yvonne x

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Well the funeral was amazing sad but full of laughter and song. The Celebrant said it was the best she’d been to and she had done 900. My daughter sang live Bring him Home and it was very emotional as hubbie snd her often sang together. Xx

Now for the grieving part. Finding it hard putting up decorations at the mo. X.