Frightened

Why do I still feel so fearful? After losing Peter 19 weeks ago, I seem to have gotten more fearful of coping on my own. As the weeks go on, I panic over the least little thing that goes wrong, something I have never done before. I was always the strong one. This grieving is unbearable,

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That happens at the beginning of grieving everything is different and you panic how your going to cope on your own I did it’s being a year since I lost my wonderful husband and still get anxiety but not as much it was his memory yesterday we cried and laughed a lot you have many good memories like I have so take care love annie x x

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I think as a couple I felt like I could cope with anything. Losing Martin has made me realise how often he was my ‘ go to’ person.

Take care xx

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I am the same ,I have these panic attacks out of the blue,it destroys me.I have to call someone straight away to calm myself down.Yes this grief is awful ,eats you alive.Stops you eating and sleeping.This new way of living is not for me but what is there to do.I am so unhappy,so sad ,missing her so much ,hate being lonely in this empty house.Michael.

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I lost my husband on the 25th of July this year & this has now happened with me as well, over the past 2 weeks I have become crippled with fear, I can’t cope with having to deal with anything at all without having a panic attack, even something as small as having to put fuel in the car & I am shaking & sweating with fear.
We have all been through so much & now this to deal with as well! It is unbearable & feels like what next will I have to endure, will it never end?

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It is really scary ,grief is ruining our lives,eating us alive.I cannot face doing anything,I have tried to keep busy but in the end it all comes crashing down.I hate what life has dropped on me,I did not want to lose and be on my own like this in this empty lonely house.The panic attacks are happening more often now and it is very scary.I cannot handle what is happening to me for much longer.I did call Samaritans this morning for help and it did for a while.We were not ment to be on our own after 32 years together.Thinking of you all who are suffering like me Michael.

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My anxiety it’s definitely getting worse. It’s 6 weeks today since Scott died and all I keep thinking is this time 6 weeks ago he was still here and I was sitting with him at the hospital.

I needed to go to the chemist today as the Dr has prescribed me some sleeping tablets as I am only getting an hour a night, but I was too anxious to go so a neighbour got them for me. Now I am having an anxiety attack about taking the pills because what happens if I have a reaction to them and Scott is not here to look after me.

It’s so hard, just sitting here sobbing not knowing what to do

Take care everyone x

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Hi Jane25 I am sure you won’t have a reaction to the sleeping tablets if the doctor prescribed them for you. you could maybe try taking half of one first , you never know that might even be enough, I often do and if it isn’t then I take the other half as well. If it’s your first time and it’s zopiclone you can feel quite groggy the next day when you first wake up, and a metallic taste in the mouth.
I am sitting here sobbing to, it’s six months to the time for me , I can’t bare it . How do we go on, and yes the anxiety is like I have had some sort of electric shock which has shaken me so violently nothing can settle and everything is on edge.
Take care Jssx

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Thanks for your reassurance Jss I will try that as I am just so tired but sleep never comes.

I have never felt so much pain and I know you will understand that. I am anxious about everything and never had to feel like that when Scott was here as I knew everything would be OK as long as we had each other.

I don’t know how we go on just feel like I am stumbling through each hour.

Take care sending love xx

It’s the lack of sleep, it’s so emotionally exhausting and I’m so tired, it’s all becoming more real and I’m starting to freak out about Xmas and so fed up of friends asking me what I’m going to do at Xmas I don’t know about getting through tonight and tomorrow, everywhere is becoming festive and my heart feels so heavy, that my life is so over and where to turn, there is only nothingness, doesn’t really matter hugs to everyone

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Hi Mab

I feel exactly the same. Getting through each day is such an effort. I cannot focus on Christmas. Peter loved this season. He loved it when the tree was put. We would sit and write cards together. I don’t think I am going to be able to write them this year I don’t want to just sign them from me. Thinking of you nothing will ever b the same will it?

Moira xx

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This is what grief does to you,puts you in a living hell and never lets you out.Michael.

Me too Jane,just over 6 weeks since my darling Judith passed away in the hospice,I spent so much time with her in those last few weeks 8 weeks in all with hospital then to hospice,I nursed her ,fed her,told her how much I loved her and always will until that horrendous moment when she slipped away in my arms.Judith was still in our home in July ,okay we knew she was ill but she was home but then suddenly things got so bad she had to go into hospital and never came home again.Oh how I miss this amazing woman every day.Michael.

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In the beginning, feelings of being unable to cope, panic and uncertainty are quite normal. Where there were two people to help make decisions or to support each other, now there is only one. Not having the support of our partners, just for day to day decisions can be incredibly difficult. I was the one who always fixed things but after Joyce had gone, a bulb went in a lamp, it wasn’t the bulb, I had plenty, it was the fuse in the plug and I didn’t have a spare one. I just broke down. I still don’t know why I did, because it would always have been my job to fix a plug.

Soon after Joyce passed away a friend took me shopping, a supermarket we had always used. This day they had changed aisles around I had no idea where anything was. I said to my friend that I was leaving the shop, I couldn’t cope with the change, or maybe the uncertainty that the change brought with it, the not knowing which aisles to go to. Fortunately, my friend took the trolley and my list, told me to stay where I was and she did my shopping.

Grief affects each of us in different ways, eventually, we begin to cope with life again, a different life, our new normal. We cope as best we can.

Best wishes

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A very sad story.Thinking of you today.Michael.

Had a bad day yesterday almost back to square one triggered by an argument with my adult son who’s not dealing with his dads death at all well he’s very low and quite angry saying some terrible things especially aimed at me, I can’t be around him or be there for him and miss my husbands strength of standing up to it together, sadly I feel that grief may destroy our family, we’re all over the place so I’m back to bed for the day for a bit of solitude and peace and quiet, it helps to share and not feel so alone hugs to everyone xx

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Hi Mab. I too am having some family issues though with a Nephew and his wife. We were always extra close prior to Peter passing but for some reason they are now causing problems. I don’t want the worry right now so I am trying to ignore it will be their kiss at the end of the day. Some people are so selfish and don’t care how they are making us feel. Try not to worry too much things will get sorted I am sure.

Thinking about you and sending love Moira xx

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Hi John, I promised my husband of 42 years that if he died I would carry on and enjoy my life. He died in June last year. The anxiety has been the worst part and once anxious everything just frightens you more and more. I had no idea about bulbs etc. One went yesterday and I just replaced it having done a few now but was such a drama the first time it happened. I look back now at what I have done, how anxious I have been and think how well I have coped but it was such a panic at the time.
I hope you will less anxious as time goes by. X

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Anxiety is with us all now,we wake up with it and it lasts all day long.Coping with anything now is a major event .I am in a mess most of the timeMichael

I try not to organise too much to give me time out to gather my thoughts and still crying after fourteen weeks missing him more than ever and realising this is it, we’re bound to be more anxious because our world has collapsed and we’ve lost our best part of ourselves and most of us didn’t see it coming thinking of everyone xx

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