Funeral coming up. Did anyone get it audio recorded.

Hi daffy
I’m si glad it went ok. I think the day feels like a blur to us all but for you it must be even harder that you had to wait 6 weeks for it. I remember feeling that it wasnt me either at my mums funeral. I was so composed when all I wanted to do was scream and cry. I remember staring at mums coffin thinking that the lid was going to open and mum was going to stand io and say ta da! It was a joke everyone.
Well it’s been 5 months today since she died and the joke is going on a bit too long for my liking. I have cried so much today.
I’m glad you are ok daffy. Let us know how you fare over the next few days as the ones right after the funeral are very difficult. X

Daffy, thanks for the update. I’m glad it went ok for you. A bit of a blur sounds about right, whoosh and the day is over and then onto the next stage. I couldn’t tell you what the next stage is as I’m still trying to work it out myself. When I look back now I tend not to think about that day in particular as it just seems a bit surreal now that it should ever have happened. I look back on a number of days and I wonder how I ever got through them but somehow I did. We will all get through this, we have to, I have to hold onto that thought as much as I struggle to believe it because I think the alternative will just destroy me. I remember at the end of the service going over to mum’s coffin, putting my hand on it, saying goodbye and walking out with everyone following. Surreal. Please let us know how you get on in the coming days. Thoughts are with you.

Glad it’s over and done now Daffy. It’s a very weird surreal day. I was also very emotionally detached too. Everyone came up to me and said my eulogy was beautiful and they didn’t know how I was so composed. I spent the day chatting and thanking people. I also put my hand on mums coffin. I cried about three times during the day. But not massive sobbing crying. Just quiet tears. At home I literally sit on the floor and wail. It’s a very strange surreal day. I also felt no connection to the coffin. I knew she wasn’t there any more. I had seen her in the chapel of rest the day before and said “that’s not her”.

Even on the day she died I was acting weird. Numb and stoic. I think it must be some sort of protection. I’m in a worse state now than I was that week she was in hospital and on the day she died.

I agree joules. At the 5 month mark I’m worse now than in the beginning. I think it’s because life goes back to normal and we just skirt around the fact that mums just disappeared from it. Shock carries us through for far longer than I ever thought.
It doesnt help any of us that the happy clappy festive period is upon us. All I do us think about my mum,how her life has been taken away from her and us. She didnt want much. Just to sit and watch her television and chat to her friends and family on the phone.
I cant imagine when this pain will start to lift.

Last night I was getting in to bed Cheryl and I literally had a “oh my god she’s dead moment”. My heart started beating really fast. Then I had a terrible nightmare. Daffy take care of yourself. It’s now that I think reality kicks in.

Can someone please cancel Xmas. I can’t bare it

I get those moments too. Why does that happen? It’s not like I don’t know she’s gone but why does this realisation pop up like that. I think sometimes it’s because my mind is on other things like work and then suddenly I remember again and it’s just weird all over again and then my mind wanders and I get no work done.
Up until the funeral was a defined process of things you have to do, but now it’s just a long quiet lonely path, just me and my thoughts and a longing for a past life that will never return.

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Joules

I know. I still say to myself a dozen times a day ‘I cant believe it’
It just comes out of the blue.one day you think ‘it’s ok cheryl. I’ve got this’
The next I’m crying. I think its worse that the rest of my life is going back to normal with me back at work and buying xmas bits for my daughter.
It’s just so unfair. But we all understand on this site and you can message us. I’m always awake by 5am and happy to be messaged if you are feeling down x

Thank you for your reply. It’s such a difficult time for all of us. x

Thank you for the replies Jooles Shaun, C1971.
I touched mum coffin at the end. I knew if I didn’t I regret it. It sounds like I’m not alone with seeing the whole funeral process as unreal or even surreal. I didn’t feel like I connected with it. Talking to those who came I found a bit of a struggle at times, as my mind is operating in a fog. The people who came really enjoyed looking at the photos I’d pinned on walls. That was one thing that was a huge success. Today, there are tears. I just want someone to take it all away. The loss, the pain and the electricity/ bt company who can’t get things right even on the third call. In a few days there will be ashes to pick up. That’s another painful reality. Thank you for your support and kindness.

I’m glad Mum went before me. I don’t think she’d would have been able to deal with it. It would have broken her.

Hi daffy
Dont feel pressured to take your mums ashes straight away. It’s a big deal and I left them with the funeral directors for 5 or 6 weeks. It’s very emotional when you bring them home and it releases a whole new set of emotions.
Secondly I know what you mean with utilities etc. Mum lived with me so her name wasnt on any of the bills but I’ve had lots of letters which are unbelievable. Most notably medway hospital wrote to mum a month ago inviting here in to discuss the care that they gave her while she was in the critical care unit…

Thank you for your words. I suppose I was worried I forget something important. In the end I didn’t get it recorded.